


Walk With Me Again

by Lara5384



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ass-Kicking, Best Friends, Comrades, F/M, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) and Cleaning, Minor Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, POV Multiple, Petra's jealous, Protective Mikasa Ackerman, Slow Romance, is it love?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2018-11-04 11:32:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 52,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10990059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lara5384/pseuds/Lara5384
Summary: Levi's in for one hell of a ride when Rheagan Starke finds him again, 7 years after their initial meeting in the Underground City.





	1. Unfortunate Introductions: Part 1

The year is 837. Standing behind a tall building within Wall Sheena, I await a delivery hoping no one will turn a corner and discover me lurking here. I am soon approached by a frail, dirty man who hands me a parcel. In return for his trouble, I hand the man a few coins and he retreats into the shadows cast by the tall buildings that surrounded us. The small package, addressed to one Rheagan Starke, contained a letter from my mother. The note read:

_Rheagan,_

_My health is declining, and I fear I won’t last much longer in the Underground. Your sister is becoming very sickly thin and I worry for her health. I am unable to find her food in my condition, so I need you to gather some rations in the city and return as soon as you possibly can. However, I don’t want you getting into trouble in the process. We’ve worked too hard and for too long to get you a citizenship in the city for it to be taken away so soon. Don’t do anything risky. If you can’t find food and make it back safely, remain on the surface. If I don’t hear from or see you in the next 2 days, I will find a way to feed your sister. Don’t worry too much about us._

_I love you string bean,_

_Your Mother_.

Enclosed with the letter were a few bills to be used to purchase rations to bring back to the Underground. Instead of spending the money on food, I placed it with the rest of my savings and went into the city. I tried to find a way to get the food without having to purchase it. That money given by my mother could be put towards securing a citizenship for my sister, Annaline, even sooner. When I couldn’t find much food other than a loaf of bread that fell off the cart of a merchant, I decide to change course and journey to the fields. It was a long trek, but I managed to make it there before sundown and look for some medicinal herbs and edible plants. I found a handful of tree nuts and berries, along with an ear of corn, presumably left behind by mindless field workers, and some milk that I gathered from the cattle roaming in the fields. If I had been caught, I’d have either been sent back to the Underground with nothing to my name or worse, though I found it hard to imagine a fate worse than that. I wasn’t really worried about being caught, though. I was quite good at being stealthy and remaining unseen. In fact, I'm pretty sure no one in the city even knew I existed, let alone had been living there for nearly a year. I never really worked the same job twice, unless a significant amount of time had passed to allow the employer to forget my face and allow me to maintain at least some anonymity. I was good at being forgotten and going unnoticed, so what would be so different this time around? I gathered my delectable finds and made my way into the unfortunately too familiar realm of the Underground City.

I tried my best to avoid the most populated areas of the city and head straight for my former home. Despite my best efforts, I wasn't able to go completely unnoticed, as I found myself being followed by 3 tall men. It was too dark to see their faces, but I knew their intentions couldn’t be good. Taking winding paths and back alley passageways, I tried to lose my pursuers. However they had cornered me in a dark alley, where I already know no one would hear my cries for help. I knew the area all too well, and I knew I was pretty much done for unless, miraculously, some stranger decides to pass through this desolate alleyway and attempts to help me out of this dilemma I’ve managed to get myself into. But I knew the people of the Underground city, and I knew that their only concern was for themselves. No one would help me. I was typically quick on my feet, and I managed to slowly move closer to a wooden box I know I could break and use as a makeshift weapon. The men came at me quickly, pulling at my coat and asking my name. “Where are you from, sweetheart?” “A young girl like you shouldn’t be out in this area alone you know?” “Why don’t you let me help you?” The men began pulling me in every direction, pinning my arms to the ground to minimize the fight they expected me to put up. One of the men placed his hand over my mouth, to silence any cries for help. This man didn’t know who I was or the amount of fight I had in my tiny little body. I bite the hand over my mouth and kick up a leg. I noticed it suddenly became much easier to move, though I hadn’t yet realized why. That didn’t matter though; all that mattered was getting to that box and fighting back. I manage to grab hold of a long plank of wood and swing it, eyes closed, towards my assailants. I swung with all my might, but surprisingly the plank didn’t strike one of my attackers but instead came to a halt within the hand of a young man, around the age of 17 it looks. This man was knelt by my side, demanding I let go of my grip. It took a minute for me to realize what had happened. I loosened my grip on the plank, and as I turned I saw all 3 men face down on the ground, unconscious. Had this guy seriously taken out all 3 thugs by himself? I looked up at my rescuer and was met with a gaze that cut through me like blades of steel, his jet black hair calmly draped around his porcelain face. I was mesmerized, despite his somber expression, but I dragged myself out of the trance and thanked the man for saving me. Not a single word fell from his lips as he got up and proceeded to pass on through the alley. I quickly gathered yourself and rose to a standing position.

“Wait!” The man froze as I spoke, “Please, don’t leave quite yet. I want to give you this as thanks for saving me.” I handed him a bundle of herbs wrapped in a cloth. “These herbs can be used to treat illnesses that affect the people of the Underground. There are some tea leaves there too. I find tea to be very therapeutic.” He held the cloth for a moment, staring at it in momentary contemplation, then tucked it away in his pocket. He stood there with his back still turned to me for another minute before saying, “Tch. Don't be such a naive little brat next time. If I hadn't happened to be passing by you'd be dead in that ditch over there already. You think this is how I wanted to spend my Sunday morning? And just look at my clothes now. Disgusting. I'm going to have to shower for hours and wash these clothes twice just to get the filth out.” His harsh words didn't affect me in the slightest, yet I was perplexed by his apparent obsession with cleanliness. I decided to look past his rough exterior and asked his name. He looked surprised at my persistence and probably my overlooking his brashness. He calmly proclaimed, “Levi,” and walked through the alley and out of sight. I suddenly got this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't explain, but for once it wasn't a bad feeling.

I dusted myself off and continued on my way home. I knocked twice on the door before announcing, “Anna, open up. It’s..” but I was cut off by a shrill voice. The door swung open, “RHEA! I’ve missed you so much. Momma is still sick. Have you brought her more medicine?” The voice belonged to my little sister. I braced myself as she ran at me, embracing me and nearly tackling me to the ground. “Yes, Anna, I have brought more medicine.” I look towards the corner of the dark, dank hut to see me mother in bed, barely holding on. I knelt down beside her, “Momma, I’ve brought more medicine, and food for Anna. I also have more money for the savings. I only need to work one more month and I should have enough to bring Anna with me when I go.” My mother and I had an unspoken agreement. We both knew she was at death’s door, and that I would have to act as Anna's mother once she passed. I left my mother alone and walked outside, calling Anna to follow me out. Mother didn’t want Anna to see her in such a condition and I knew that, so I occupied her while my mother used the herbs I brought.

“Anna, I brought you some food. Come eat up, you must be very hungry.” Anna stopped playing with a clay ball she had made and followed her nose to the bundle of nuts and berries I presented her with. I watched my sister devour the food, deducing that she'd must not have eaten in quite a while. I suddenly felt something strange, almost like we were being watched. I had a very reliable intuition, but despite feeling someone else’s presence, I didn’t feel the need to put my guards up.

“But what about Mommy?” Anna asked me. “Anna, I know you really want Mommy to come, but it’s just going to be you and me now. Mommy has somewhere else she needs to be, somewhere very important.” “Where is she going Rhea?” “All I can tell you is that she won’t be sick anymore when she gets there. She will be happy, and she will be able to watch over and protect us. Doesn’t that sound nice?” “Yeah, I want Mommy to be happy and not be sick anymore. But I am going to miss her.” I knew at that moment that Anna had finally realized what was going on. Tears welled up in her eyes. I embraced her, wiping her tears. “Don’t cry, Anna. You and I will be so happy and healthy on the surface. There are other kids for you to play with, and plenty of food to eat! I promise I will always take care of you. But for now, I need to go. I have to keep working so that you can come with me next time! Ok?” She nodded sullenly, giving me one more hug before I left. I made sure she was secure inside the hut before I turned to leave. 

As I climbed back up the stairs to the surface, I couldn’t help but think about Anna. How would she recover when our mother finally passed away? I never really thought about how I would react. I just knew that I would have to be strong for us both. I’d find a way to take care of Anna, and I had to get her out of there before she saw our mother die. It would be much harder for her if she had to see it than if she was just informed of her passing. On the surface, I continued to work small jobs here and there. I became quite the scavenger, somehow managing to keep myself well fed. I kept thinking about how I would possibly be able to feed both Anna and I once she came to the surface with me. “Ugh!” I exclaimed as I tried to rid my mind of the thought. It didn’t matter how I would do it, I just knew that I would. I had to, for Anna. She was really all that I had left. I would do whatever it took to make sure she lived a happy and healthy life. As the sun set along the horizon, only its faint amber glow visible over the mighty walls of the city, I found myself alone in a meadow lying among the flowers. No one would bother me here. Everyone was now at home in their nice cozy beds, drifting off into dreamland. I would lay here and watch the sky go from a warm peachy color to a deep blue as the sun finally disappeared behind the Earth. The stars were my only friends up here. The greeted me warmly as I watched them emerge from their daytime slumber. They speckled the sky and danced for me behind the moonlight. I was definitely a night owl. I could lay under the stars and stare them into oblivion, but my body ached and soon found myself lost within a dream as well. I imagined a life with Anna, a life of peace and comfort. We had a house, an actual house. I cooked for her and she learned and played with friends. It was the most peaceful I had felt in a long time.

Before I knew it, 3 weeks had passed since I last visited my family in the Underground city. I had almost saved enough money to bring Anna back with me. I decided to pay them a visit and share the good news. On my way through the city, I found myself faced with a tray of freshly baked cookies left on the back windowsill of a local baker. I stealthily snagged one to give to Anna, hoping it would lift her spirits. I made my way down the stairs, bribed the guards stationed at the bottom of the stairs with a flask of rum I pillaged from a city guard who had passed out drunk. As long as I bribed the stairwell guards, they let me come and go as I pleased, knowing I had full citizenship on the surface. They didn’t know why anyone would want to come Underground as often as I did, but they didn’t really care as long as they got their bounty. I passed through the city quickly and turned the corner to the road my hut was on. I was surprised to see the figure of a man sat in front of my house, leaning against the outside wall. Though I couldn’t see his face, I somehow knew who it was. His hair draped over his face, covering his eyes and leaving only a scowl visible upon his face. He was dirty, which was surprising. I made my way over to him as sat there, slumped over, sleeping. I felt bad waking him, but I nudged him softly. “Levi?...Levi wake up.” He shrugged my hand off of his shoulder and turned his head to me. He had dark circles under his steel marbles of eyes. “What are you doing here, Levi?” He looked down, went into his coat pocket and grabbed a tattered envelope. He stretched out his hand and forced it into my chest, nearly dropping to small package onto the ground.

Before I could find the right words, he said, "I managed to scrape together some spare change over the past month. I overheard you and your sister that day. Thought it was the least I could do." "But why would you do that for me? We're practically strangers." "Listen up, you little shit. All you've done is cause me trouble. First I have to save your ass because of your own poor judgement. Then I try to help you for God knows what reason and you have the gall to question me? Just shut up and take the damn money, before I change my mind." I knew he used those brash words to glaze over sincere actions, though I didn't know why he felt the need to do so. "Thank you," I said to him. I placed the money with the rest I had accumulated in my satchel. I stood up straight and turned towards the door to my house, intent on finishing the mission I had come here for. Before I was in reach of the door a hand tangled itself around my wrist and I was practically pulled to the ground. “Look, before you go in there, I need to tell you what happened. You can’t see just yet.” I could see that it was hard for him to talk to me and show the sincerity he felt in his heart. I had already determined that he wasn’t one to wear his heart out on his sleeve. Still slightly confused, I knelt down and placed a hand on his knee, listening intently. Before he could continue, I noticed a splatter of blood across his cheek. I felt all the blood drain from my face and was paralyzed by the fear of my worst nightmare having come true. Levi turned up at me, staring deep into my eyes. The look on his face told me he knew that I had figured it out. The seemingly dispassionate man continued to talk. “I came by earlier this morning to drop off what we had saved, hoping to cross your path on the way and be done with it. When I didn’t see you, I continued to your doorstep where I found the door ajar. I saw through the slit in the door your sister. Both she and your mother were killed, by that douchebag over there.” He pointed to a hefty man laying with his face in the dirt and wading in a pool of blood. “Levi, you killed him?” I felt it coming on fast. The flood gates had opened and I would soon drown in my own tears. No. I was always the strong one. I had to stay strong, so I held back the tears. The hand I held on Levi’s knee went limp, along with the rest of my body and I fell back to the ground. What was I going to do now. My family…Anna was all I had left. Everything I did, I did for her, so that she could have a better life than I had. My only job was to make sure she was safe, and I failed. How could I fail? How could I go on knowing that I let her down, that this was practically all my fault? Levi’s deep and surprisingly calming voice broke the silence between us, “Stop griping would you? There is nothing you can do for them now, they will still be just as dead either way. My mother died when I was young and I managed to survive pretty much on my own in this miserable place living a miserable existence. You’ll get over it.” I felt my eyes get wide as I tried to process everything he had just said. Could he really be that insensitive? But then it hit me; Levi wasn’t insensitive, he was just the opposite. He didn’t have to help me, he didn’t have to comfort me. If this was his way of showing empathy, it was an odd way of showing it, but it seemed that he had just as hard a childhood as I did.

“How did you do it?” Levi’s head turned quickly towards me, piercing me with his outwardly malevolent gaze. He was confused at the vague question I had asked, clearly not knowing how to answer. I swung my head up, apparently catching him by surprise. I looked him dead in the eyes and asked again, “How did you go on, after watching your mother pass away?” “Tch. What kind of a shit question is that? You either do or you don’t.” He stood up, brushed himself off, and stood towering over me. “Save the waterworks and theatrics,” he paused briefly, “I didn’t help you because I wanted to. To be completely fucking honest I don’t know why the hell I went to all that trouble just to help a nobody brat like you.” She turned his back at me and scoffed. “Just get the hell out of here while you can. And if I ever see your face down here again I will personally make you regret that I ever saved your sorry ass a month ago.” He walked away swiftly, leaving me there in the dirt without another word. I sat there for hours, not knowing what to do with myself. I’m surprised I wasn’t jumped again by petty thieves. I contemplated ending my life, but what good would that do anyone? Eventually I gathered up enough strength and courage to dig two small graves for the only family I had left in this dismal world. I buried them and place flowers on their graves before turning towards the stairs to the outside world. I never would return to the Underground. There was nothing left for me there. Not only was it too painful as well, but because the only other person I knew, one I almost looked up to in a sense, trusted, told me to never return. I put all those memories behind me, even those of Levi. I channeled what little energy and will I had left into surviving and making a decent life for myself on the outside. It’s what they would have wanted for me. My life had taken a drastic change of course, but I’d be damned if I let anything tear me down. When I got to the surface I walked until I couldn’t take another step. My body was numb and failed me when I made it into the meadow. I collapsed into the grass that felt significantly less soft than it had earlier that day. Everything was silent, and it felt like the whole world was crying with me. Even the stars shone a little less brilliantly and ceased to dance as I looked at them through teary eyes. I wondered if they’d ever be the same. But in my heart I knew, somewhere up there, the universe had just welcomed the two brightest stars it would ever see.


	2. Unfortunate Introductions: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see the world through Levi's eyes as he meets young Rheagan in the Underground City.

It was just an ordinary Sunday afternoon. Or was it morning? I could never fucking tell in this pitiful cavern they called a city. Furlan was out with the rest of the guys, probably pulling another scam or working a job. But today I wanted to relax. I was walking through the city trying hard not to be in the presence of anyone else as I just wanted to be left to myself. I turned down an alley when I saw a girl being attacked by 3 large thugs. “Shit.” I didn’t want to get involved, but that annoying little voice in my head told me to help the worthless runt. And like an idiot, I listened to it. I ran up behind one of the neanderthals and wrapped my arms around his waist. Before he could react I shifted my weight and pulled him back over my head and onto the ground. He landed right on his neck and was out cold. The girl was putting up a fight, kicking and biting at men 3 times her size. Maybe the brat wasn’t as worthless as I had initially thought. I turned to the guy holding the girl down by the arms and lunged at him. I grabbed him by the ears and pulled down hard as his head met with the point of my knee. I swear I could hear his skull splitting. Last but not least, I took out my knife and slashed the last guy’s Achilles tendon. I watched as he toppled to the ground, at perfect kicking level. I lifted my foot so it hit him square in the head, right where his ear was. I hope I deafened the bastard. They all deserved more than what I gave them, but I was already filthy and didn’t want to make it any worse. The girl had managed to get free right before I took out the last guy. Next thing I know she’s swinging at me with a wooden plank. I stopped the plank in my grasp and pulled her to the ground. “Cut that out, you little shit. Let go of the damn thing.” She had her eyes closed, typical. Her eyes came open and she loosened her death grip on the wooden stake when she saw she was no longer in danger. Then she just stared at me, blankly. “Creepy little bastard, aren’t you?” Nothing. Just the blank stare again. I took this time to examine her. I’d never seen the runt around here before. She had long, dark brown hair draped over her face. She looked clean and well-kept despite being here in this shit hole, not a blemish on her face. Big hazel eyes stared at me with innocence and some weird sense of…confusion? Who the hell knows. But there was a kind of light in her eyes. It seemed familiar, reminded me of my mother for god knows what reason. Kind of tall for a kid, but what do I care? Then she said something. I couldn’t have been bothered to listen, so I got up to leave. I could help the kid from thugs but I couldn’t cure her apparent brain damage.

“Wait!” Her voice went straight through me. I should just keep walking, but something kept me there. I turned to see her standing upright and looking at me with determination. Then she spoke some more. I was only half listening. I only started paying more attention when she handed me a bundle of herbs and tea leaves. Where the hell did she get this shit? These are clearly from the surface, but if she’s from the surface what the hell is she doing down here? She started speaking again, and this time I listened. “These herbs can be used to treat illnesses that affect the people of the Underground. There are some tea leaves there too. I find tea to be very therapeutic.” Medicinal herbs—and black tea. Good taste kid. I stuffed the lot in my pocket, then I figured I’d scare some sense into this kid. Might as well rip her a new asshole for causing me to become riddled with filth. I turned to her and glared at her. I was surprised she didn’t piss herself. “Tch. Don't be such a naive little brat next time. If I hadn't happened to be passing by you'd be dead in that ditch over there already. You think this is how I wanted to spend my Sunday morning? And just look at my clothes now. Disgusting. I'm going to have to shower for hours and wash these clothes twice just to get the filth out.” She didn’t seem to give two shits that I just reamed her out. She wouldn’t let in, and asked my name. I told her my name and booked it out of there before she said anything else. I was in desperate need of a bath and didn’t want to spend any more time covered in dirt.

On my trek back to the house, all I could think about was bathing; being covered in this filth made my blood boil. Then that girl’s image popped up in my thoughts. Maybe I’m relating boiling blood to that little brat? Then I heard her annoying little voice. Am I going bat shit crazy already? It’s not even noon yet. I wasn’t going nuts, though, because I turned a corner and saw her sitting there with a smaller kid, talking about something. _Oh fuck._ I thought and I quickly turned back, concealing myself behind a nearby building. I could barely hear what she was saying. Then I thought to myself, why the hell do I even care? It wasn’t so much that I cared, but I just had to know how she got those herbs and tea, and why she made the dumbass decision to come back here if she made it out. Bits and pieces of information flowed into my ears, but so far I managed to learn that she was here to bring her sister back to the surface. And that her mother was dying.

“But where is she going, Rhea?” the shrill voice of the smaller twerp hit me like nails on a chalkboard, but I learned another piece of information with little value. _Rhea. So that’s your name, huh?_ I continued to eavesdrop, hoping to maybe learn something either interesting or of some value to me, but the chances of either were slim to none. As she comforted the younger girl, I could hear the desperation in her voice. “Ah, shit.” I whispered to myself, as I knew exactly where this was going. I remained hidden, not wanting either of the little shits to find me lurking behind this building like a goddamn pedophile. Once she was out of sight, I took my leave. Why the hell did I have to stop? Why couldn’t I have just kept walking? Those kids had unwittingly dragged me into this mess with their sob story. I just had to help, didn’t I? I couldn’t just turn my back now, knowing that little girl would end up exactly as I did all those years ago. Images of my mother flashed through my mind. It was almost like I could actually feel the touch of her skin, hear her soft voice whispering in my ear, “I love you, Levi.” The scent of her hair as the wind tumbled through it took over my sense of smell. What the fuck is going on? My mother’s dead, has been for a long time. So why is this one lapse of judgment of mine coming back to haunt me in the form of memories of my dead mother. “Ack!” I tossed my hand through my hair and scoffed, trying like hell to get these god forsaken memories out of my head. I had better things to do than to dwell on the past. Like showering, for instance. I arrived at the steps to my home and I climbed them with haste, ready to get this whole ordeal over with and take a damn bath. Upon entering, I saw Furlan lounging on the couch, fresh cup of tea in his hand. He must have just come back from a job with the other guys. We were all ready to get the hell out of here. Any money we could scrape together got us all one step closer to the freedom of the outside world. That’s why what I was about to do made no fucking sense, but I went along with it anyways for whatever reason.

“Furlan.” I almost had to force myself to speak, still not really wanting to ask him for help. “Do we have any spare change lying around? I know it’s kind of a stupid question, but just humor me would you?” “Uhh..yeah I think I have a note lying around. It was one I found on the street so it was a nice little surprise. Extra, I mean. We made our quota for today working jobs in the city, so if you really need it, you can have it.” I nodded and left it at that. Furlan broke the silence with a loaded question, “Mind me asking what it’s for?” He knew I was the one who was most intent on keeping our money in line and getting the hell out of here as quickly as we could. He must’ve sensed something was up, since I had never asked for spare money before. “I found this runt laying in filth watching her mother die. I felt obligated to help despite my not really wanting to. I don’t know, guess it reminded me of when..” I didn’t need to finish the sentence, and I wasn’t going to regardless. Furlan knew about my mother, and he could hear the seriousness in my voice. So he took another note out of his pocket and handed it to me. “Here. I can spare another dollar.” I took it, glancing up at him. He was smiling at me. I felt the edge of my lip begin to turn upward slightly before I stifled the smirk and shoved the note into my pocket. “Why don’t we do this,” Furlan started to speak again. I just wanted to be done with this attempt at a selfless good deed, but I respected Furlan, so I heard him out. “We can all work a little harder each day, and whatever spare change we have at the end of the night, we can put towards helping the kid. Sound alright?” It did. I didn’t like the idea of giving our money away, but I very well couldn’t let another kid end up I almost had; starving and alone with only my mother’s corpse to keep me company. “I’m sure the guys will be ok with it, Jan’s got a soft spot for kids.” Furlan let out a nervous chuckle, hoping to break the slight tension in the air and get me to relax. It worked. With a plan set in motion, I could finally put this ordeal on the back burner for now.

After a month had passed, I, with the help of my friends, had collected a total of 50 notes. It was hard to give it up, but it was just spare change. We were all still right on schedule for escaping the Underground with full citizenship on the surface. I tucked the money safely away in my pocket made my way into the city to drop off our charity. In the back of my mind I was hoping I could remember how to get to my destination. I wasn’t really paying attention the first time around. I had finally found my way, or so I had thought at the least, when I heard the most blood curdling scream. I tried to ignore it and keep on walking, but the more I walked, the louder it became. I started to realize that the scream had come from exactly where I was headed, the hut of those two girls. When I finally got there, I saw that the door was ajar. “For fuck’s sake,” I let out, very audibly though the intruder hadn’t heard me. I paused in front of the door, not sure if I should enter. After a brief moment of uncertainty I convinced myself to intervene, "Well, I'm already knee deep in this shit, so why the hell not?" I approached the door and slowly pushed it open. My eyes landed first on the little girl. She was thrown onto the floor and covered in blood. She was still breathing, although her breaths and heartbeat were slowing, death gradually approaching to carry her away. Next to the girl laid the mother, still alive as the robber had not bothered to subdue her. He wasted no energy on her as she was deathly ill and immobilized to begin with. I saw the despair in her eyes, the hopelessness. She was helpless to save her daughter, but she had enough strength to whisper one word, “Please.” I narrowed my eyes and turned my gaze to the tall dark figure rummaging through the pathetic cupboards of the lowly hut. I noticed he held a bloodstained knife in his hand. Then the bastard started talking to himself, “I know it’s here. Tell me where you keep the money, you bitch! I see that girl come down from the surface every now and then. I know what you’re planning and I know you need money to do it so tell me where you hid the money!” He stopped rambling just long enough to notice me lurking in the doorway. He then made the grave mistake of turning in my direction and approaching me. Poor bastard, never even saw me coming. I drew a knife from my back pocket and held it in a reversed position with the blade facing backwards. The huge man lunged at me, clearly not knowing how to properly use a knife as he swung it haphazardly. I managed to maneuver around the guy, which wasn’t too difficult as he wasn’t just large, he was also dreadfully slow and uncoordinated. Using the side of the hut as leverage, I plunge myself high into the air and over the assailant. Dumbass looked up at the same moment that my foot came down. I landed smack dab in the middle of his ugly mug. He was bent over in pain when I took my knife and let it dance along his throat before digging it into the skin, lacerating the blood vesels underneath. The thief fell to the ground, not having the slightest idea what had just happened, and soon bled out. I collected myself before wiping the dirt from my clothes and the blood from my blade. I nearly forgot about the little brat fighting death in the hut. When I looked in, she was already dead. The mother too. Guess she gave up. I don’t really blame her, her kid just died so it’s not like she really had anything else to live for. I remembered the real reason I came here. Since that Rhea girl was nowhere to be found, I decided I better wait for her here. She’s going to be in for one hell of a surprise and is going to need someone here to toughen her up and get her to face reality. After all, she’s still pretty young. I sat next to the hut and leaned up against the wall. I waited for what seemed like days. I’m not a very patient man. It had only been a few hours, but with the lack of sunlight underground it was exceedingly hard to tell.

I must’ve fallen asleep, a rare occurrence, because I was woken up by the very brat I was waiting on. She started mumbling something, but I just took out the money I had saved and gave it to her. I ripped her a new asshole too. All she’s done has caused me trouble. I can’t even remember why I decided to help her in the first place. But whatever, it’s done. She was, again, unphased by my lecturing her. She had gotten up to go deliver the money to her mother, but I stopped her. I had to explain first. “You sister and your mom were both murdered. I suggest you get the hell out of here while you still can.” I was fully expecting a flood of tears and incessant crying, but I was met with neither. She didn’t cry, not a single tear. I was actually quite surprised at how rough her exterior was. Maybe she wasn’t as weak as she led on. She fell backwards, just sulking and wallowing in self-pity. I rolled my eyes before speaking up, "Stop griping would you? There is nothing you can do for them now, they will still be just as dead. My mother died when I was young and I managed to survive practically alone in this miserable place living a miserable existence. You'll get over it." But I knew that wasn't true. One never truly gets over a nightmare like this. Then, she spoke.

 “How did you do it Levi?” What the fuck kind of question was that? How the hell am I supposed to know what she’s talking about. Her head shot up and her eyes stared into mine, hers filled with sorrow and having lost the innocence and light that once resided within them. “How did you go on, after watching your mother pass away?” “What kind of question is that? You either do or you don’t.” I stood up, brushed myself off, and stood looking down at her. "Save the waterworks and theatrics. I didn't help you because I wanted to. To be honest, I don't know why the hell I went to all that trouble just to help a nobody brat like you. Tch. Just get the hell out of here while you can. And if I ever see your face down here again I will personally make you regret that I ever saved your sorry ass a month ago.” I quickly left the girl there in the dirt without another word. I felt slightly guilty, but I had done all that I could. I couldn’t bring her family back, which I knew was all she wanted. I made my way back to my house and told Furlan what had happened. He offered no words, just a pat on the back accompanied by a sigh in unison. We tried, but I guess fate had different plans for that girl and her sister. I never did see her down here again. I guess what I said got through to her. Whatever, it wasn’t really any of my business to begin with. I guess that’s what I get for meddling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Input on the Dual POV? I don't expect to use is for every chapter, but I felt it was necessary for the story in a few pivotal chapters. Let me know what you think and if it works or not! :)


	3. Resilience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhea gets a blast from the past, 7 years after her final journey to the Underground City.

The year was 844. I was woken up by a certain cow who thought my hair was a patch of succulent grass. As a farm maid I got to know all the cattle, even going so far as to give them all names. I didn’t have many friends, so the cows were all I had. Them and Stanley, but he was my boss so he didn’t really count. The young cow chewing up all the hair I had spent years letting grow out was Trudy. She was a spunky one. Then there was Stella. She was a night owl like me. I often lay up against her and we watch the stars together while all the other cows are asleep. And lastly there’s Samson. Samson’s an old fellow. He’s the more calm-natured one, and the one to put the other cows in their place when they step out of line. Just listen to me, I’m babbling on about cows like a madwoman. I pulled what remained of my hair out of the mouth of the giant beast and proceeded to the brook to wash up. I had another job today, hopefully one that would sustain me enough so that I could quit at the farm. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the job because I didn’t mind it. It was just the constant smell of dung and the dirt that always seemed to stain my clothes and be caked under my fingernails. I wasn’t hoity-toity, but I still liked to be clean. I was especially anal about having clean hands, as I constantly touched my face throughout the day. And on top of all that, the job was boring. I wanted excitement and adventure in my life, and I certainly wouldn’t find it hanging around the cows for the rest of my pathetic existence. I made my way back to my house before I ventured off to start a new day of labor. It was a modest home, small and unassuming. But it was home. I put on a clean dress, made a fresh pot of tea, and decided I would go out to collect some wood to make a fire later that night. We were heading into the cold season, and I would be damned if I let myself freeze to death. What a dismal, unexciting way to die. As a human popsicle. I grabbed a cloak because, again, cold season was approaching, and l journeyed out into the sea of people.

I had moved to the outer wall, away from Wall Sheena and away from the entrance to the Underground. It was much too expensive for me to live there and people would notice how out of place I was. There were quite a lot of common folk where I lived, but I hadn’t seen this many people in one place before. I pushed my way through to the front of the crowd, where I was met with was supposed to be a grand sight. The Scout Regiment had returned from their latest mission beyond the walls, but the soldiers were severely bettered and they wore defeated expressions upon their faces. I watched as they all passed by and listened as the citizens watching chattered loudly among each other and spewed hateful words at the brave soldiers. I got this familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach and my intuition told me to look towards the back of the line. I didn’t know why I felt the urge to watch intently as the soldiers piled into the city. I didn’t know anyone in the Scout Regiment. Hell, I didn’t know _anyone._ The thought made me laugh. I was pretty funny, at least I thought so. I continued to watch until, _BAM!_ It hit me like a bag of bricks. My heart rate increased and I could feel the small organ beat furiously inside my chest, just begging to be let out. He looked exactly as he had 7 years ago. I’d recognize him anywhere; that silky black hair, lean muscular figure, the lack of expression on his face, and those eyes of mercury that were utterly unforgettable. “Levi..” His name slipped out of my mouth with ease. At that very same moment, he turned in my direction. I almost shit my pants when he looked my way, but I quickly covered my face with my cloak. Why did I cover my face? Did he seriously just hear me say his name? Nah, he’s good, but he’s not _that_ good. I waited a few more moments before uncovering myself. He was facing forward again, but his eyes looked toward the ground. Something terrible must’ve happened that day. I’ve never seen the soldiers look so defeated and hopeless before. I’ve certainly never seen Levi like that before. I mean, last time I saw him was 7 years ago, but I didn’t think he was the type to let anything get him down. Or at least, he wasn’t the type to outwardly show that he was feeling defeated. It was at that moment that I knew what I had to do. I got a sudden flashback, my last memory of the Underground City. Levi was telling me to get on with my life, and I saw my sister there. I remember feeling helpless to save her. These memories made me feel helpless once again, which only sealed the fate I had just chosen for myself. I was going to join the Scouts. I didn’t just want to, I needed to. Joining the Scouts would certainly fill my life with excitement and adventure. And the thought of it made me feel more connected, like I finally found where I belonged. I could finally make up for my failure with Anna. I could fight for those who could not fight for themselves. It was that thought that made me feel at peace with my decision and made me feel like it was the one and only right choice for myself. I wasn’t the fighting type at all. I would have to work my ass off to even have a fighting chance against the Titans. Not only was I on the shorter side of the spectrum at a towering 5’3”, but I had no previous combat skill. The only skill I really had was carrying a shit ton of wood and hay and also being a kickass cook. But neither of those skills would help me in the Training Corps. None of that mattered, though. Once I set my mind to something I don’t quit until I’ve reached my goal. I wasn’t quite sure if my excessive determination was a quality that would help me gain footing in the military or if it would be the one quality to get me killed in the field. I guess I would find out eventually, but the first step to discovering the answer to that query was to sign up for the Training Corps.

Having made such a life changing decision, I continued about what might just be the last day I spent as a normal woman. I collected my firewood, brought it back home, then made my way to the local chapel. I wasn’t religious, not in the slightest, but I had taken a liking to the music that was played on the piano during church hours. The minister their knew me well, as I stopped by often to listen and have my hand at those 88 keys. He could tell I had experienced a traumatic childhood, and he knew I had a kind soul, so he let me be. He even was so kind to give me access to the piano whenever I pleased. I hadn’t the slightest clue how to read music, so I just listened and figured it out for myself. Playing the piano became like second nature to me, my fingers gliding effortlessly over the keys allowing them to strike the chords underneath and release such a harmonious sound together. This was the only hobby I had really acquired in all my time living in this city, and I made damn sure I had time each day to come by and play. With all that practice, I became quite the savant. I found solace in the music, and I often came to play when my spirit needed lifting. I played for what seemed like hours in that empty chapel, not knowing just how long it would be until my fingers would grace it’s keys again. After all, I was getting up bright and early tomorrow morning to join the military. It was both scary and exciting all at once, but I knew that I would find my place in the Scouts.

The other recruits were a few years younger than I was. I was 18 at the time, while most of the other recruits were 15. I guess I’m a late bloomer! But better now than never. The drill sergeant went by each of the recruits and tried to get a feel for who they were, how tough they were. He tried to see how far he could push before they would break. When he got to me, he tried his very best to shake me. “Cadet! State your name and purpose!” “Sir, my named is Rheagan Starke, Sir! My goal is to join the Scouts and fight for those who cannot fight for themselves, Sir!” I stood there stiff as a board, being careful not to show any expression. “HA! You? A Scout? Don’t make me laugh, soldier! You wouldn’t last one day in the Scouts!” I stood there, motionless and expressionless still. The man was taken aback slightly when I turned to him and looked him directly in the eyes. “What do you think you’re looking at, Cadet?” When I didn’t back down, the man decided to make an example out of me. “Alright, wise-ass. You want to look at me with that kind of disrespect? You can run until sundown. Now hop to it!” This man didn’t know what I had been through. It was going to take a lot more than this to break me. I ran off and started to run laps around the camp. I thought that the running would kill me, but surprisingly I kept up with it pretty well. I wasn’t aware of how much stamina I had until now. Before I knew it, the sun had set and I was free to retreat to my bed inside my designated bunker. Even though I could’ve, I didn’t stop. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, my perseverance wasn’t enough to secure my survival in the Scouts.

I ran until my legs gave out and I collapsed to the ground. I slept there all night until I was awoken by the brightness of the sun rising. None of the other recruits were up yet, so I decided to get a head start, and I started running again. I had to keep pushing myself and training my hardest if I wanted to succeed. My goal was to be top of my class. My determination might just be enough to accomplish _that_ goal. After my morning run, I felt refreshed and headed to the mess hall for breakfast. I ate an orange and drank a cup of tea in solitude before other members of my class filed into the hall. One guy came and sat next to me. His plate was piled high with all sorts of food I had never even heard of before. If he always ate like that, I didn’t know how he remained so fit. He was tall and muscular. His skin was tanned and his chocolate hair was trimmed short. His brow looked almost permanently furrowed, but I deduced that that was just what his face looked like. He barely saw me sitting there in the shadow cast by his mound of food, but he quickly apologized for his not seeing me there and introduced himself. “Haha, sorry I didn’t see you there. The name’s Gunther Schultz. And, you are?” “Rheagan Starke.” “That’s right! You were that girl who challenged Sarge during introductions. That was seriously badass!” He exclaimed as he shoveled food into his mouth. “Hey, aren’t you a little old to be just now joining the Training Corp?” “I did get a late start, but now’s as good a time as ever.” He was nice, a little out there, but I enjoyed his company. We finished our breakfast together before heading outside to begin our day of training. The day went by quickly, most of the other recruits being worn out. While the other’s went to bed, I began my nightly run. I ran every morning and every night for months. I had become quite good at using the ODM gear, despite my near failing to use it properly the first few times as I am not a very coordinated individual. The training with the ODM gear changed that aspect, though, as I quickly adapted and had become very balanced and coordinated. This was apparent during hand to hand combat training, as the other recruits had a hard time knocking me over. I hadn’t really made any friends by the end of the year, besides Gunther. We weren’t too close, but he was there when I needed a friend, and I was there for him as well. I had always gotten along most easily with people who were older than me, or at least the same age. Because of this I didn’t really make a ton of friends with the other recruits, seeing as they were all younger than me. I worked my ass off and trained constantly to maintain a position at the top of my class. Every day was pretty much the same; wake up, run, breakfast, ODM training and titan simulations, hand to hand combat training, dinner, more running, sleep, repeat. It’s no wonder almost 3 years of training went by like it was nothing. I spent countless hours in a classroom learning about titans and the safest and most effective ways to kill them. I was ready to be a Scout, but I wasn’t quite done with my training yet.

Today started like any other day—running. I started my run hours before anyone else woke up. I was done running and nearly done eating breakfast when the others finally awoke and made their way to the cafeteria. I felt a strange sense of determination and importance today. I don’t know why, today wasn’t special in any way. There wasn’t any special training scheduled for today. Nonetheless, I quickly prepared for the long day of training I had ahead of me. After the normal run through of titan simulations, all the recruits were informed that we had a special visitor and to report to the combat field for a training lecture before combat training. We all reported to the field and were met with by Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps. Everyone was enamored by his presence, but we all wondered why he was here. “Good morning, soldiers. My name is Erwin Smith. I am the Commander of the Scout Regiment. I am here to announce that we will be looking for exceptional recruits to incorporate into our newfound Special Operations Squad, led by our own Captain Levi Ackerman." My head spun instinctively at the sound of his name. He was standing next to Erwin, watching us intently as we all listened to the Commander speak. I had never let my nerves take hold of me before. My mind was always on the training. But this time it was greatly different. A ball formed in my stomach and my heart beat so aggressively I swore it would either burst through my chest or escape up my throat and out of my mouth. I was nervous someone might hear just how loudly my heart was thumping against my ribs. All these thoughts raced through my head. What if I fuck up in front of him? I’m totally going to screw up my chances of gaining any ground in the Scouts. I had to make it into this Special Operations Squad. Not only would it prove that I am among the best of the best, but it would bring me closer to Levi. I wasn’t quite sure yet as to why I wanted to fight along side him, but I felt that's where I should aim to get to some day. I mever thought the young man I met 7 years ago would now be humanity's strongest soldier. We’re still strangers, though. He doesn’t even recognize me. I do look drastically different, having grown quite substantially despite still being on the shorter side. My hair was much longer and better managed. I kept it tied back in a French braid that laid over my shoulder. Strands of hair too short to be braided swept over my face, barely grazing my lashes. I had gained a lot of muscle and, as women often do, gained curves as my hips grew and my waist shrunk. I was more developed than the other girls here, but that was probably due to me being 3 years older than the lot of them.

While I was stressing over this obvious test of ability, the other recruits around me had already started sparring with one another. I looked around stunned and confused when Gunther approached me and asked what was up with me. I calmly told him nothing was wrong and demanded he spar with me. He knew that I was pretty decent at hand to hand combat, but so was he. He accepted my offer and came at me full force. I was so preoccupied, thinking of how this whole ordeal would turn out that he tackled me to the ground with ease. “Hey, Rheagan what’s going on? It’s like you didn’t even put up a fight that time.” I looked up at him, then I noticed out of the corner of my eye that my epic fail had caught Levi’s attention. Suddenly a fire lit inside my very being and the determination started to build. I got up, wiped the dirt from my uniform, and raised my fists, waiving at Gunther to come at me. He smiled at me, “That’s what I’m talking about,” and charged at me ready to punch. He swung at me but I dodged his punch, leaning to his right and coming up under him with my arms wrapped around him, one coming diagonally across his torso and the other coming up the back to meet around the neck. He found it hard to move and tried to break free before I swung him across my body and threw him to the ground. Gunther looked at me in amazement. He never knew I could fight like that, and frankly, neither did I. My next opponent was a tall, burly recruit. He was determined to get into the Special Ops squad, but I was even more so. He taunted me and waited for me to make the first move. So I appeased him and ran towards him. He wasn’t expecting me to be so fast and quickly threw a punch, stepping with his left leg and punching with his right arm. I feigned left, barely avoiding his fist. Before he could react I used his bent knee to step up and wrap my legs around his neck, using the weight of my body to swing back. I placed my hands on the ground and pulled my legs forward, lifting my opponent off of the ground and into the air. He landed with a thud and I recovered quickly from the crouching position I had landed in, raising my fists to my chest and ready to counter his next attack. But an attack never came. I had thrown him so hard at the ground that he was knocked unconscious. I soon noticed everyone was watching me, astonished at my sudden acquired skill in hand to hand combat. I wasn’t bad at combat, but I had never fought like this in my life. I looked around to see Levi, still staring at me as he was before when I first started sparring. Was he watching me the whole time? I walked off the field as my burly opponent was carried away to the infirmary. I walked in silence before being met by Levi. He caught me by surprise as he approached me and began speaking.

“What the hell was that out there?” “I was sparring, sir.” “No shit. What I meant was, where in the world did you learn to fight like that?” I didn’t know the answer to his question. “Nowhere, sir.” There was a moment of silence before I continued speaking, “What I mean to say is, no one taught me to fight, sir. I’m completely self-taught. I watch my comrades fight each other. I learn from their mistakes and their successes, and I come up with a combat strategy that would work well against their set of weaknesses.” He stared at me with wide eyes and an astonished expression, one I had never seen him sport before. His expression told me that he was likely impressed with my quick thinking and how quickly I picked up new techniques. “You’re kidding,” he said to me, “Well, keep up the good work soldier. And don’t get cocky. You might be good, but as soon as you get arrogant is when you will get sloppy and open yourself up to defeat.” He turned and began to walk away. Then he paused for a moment, back still tured towards me. "What's your name, cadet?" I was momentarily speechless, not expecting him to ask, let alone be interested in knowing. "Rheagan Starke, sir." He didn't say another word, just nodded slightly before continuing on his way. I watched as he walked away from me. Did that really just happen? I still hadn’t really absorbed the fact that I had instinctively taken down someone twice my size with little effort at all, let alone the fact that Levi had personally asked me about my combat skill. I hoped I had made a good impression. Well, second impression. I laughed to myself, though it must have been loud enough for Levi to hear because he paused in his track, turned his ear to me, ran a hand through his hair, and continued on his way. _Damn,_ I thought. _He must have the ears of a fucking bat._ I continued on my way, walking around the camp just a bit longer if only to be left alone in my thoughts. I had successfully planted the seed for my recruitment into the Special Ops Squad. Now if I could just maintain my winning streak, there’s no way Erwin won’t choose me for the squad! I didn’t know how I had gotten here, but somehow this was better than I imagined. Not only would I be joining the Scouts, but if I got chosen, I would be working alongside Captain Levi. There were so many questions I wanted to ask and things I wanted to learn from him. He was someone I looked up to at the lowest point in my life. Even though we weren’t very well acquainted, not at all really, he still helped me escape and put my past behind me. Whether admitted it or not, Levi and his actions 7 years ago are the main reason why I’m still here. I quickly came to my senses and realized the questions I had for Levi would probably never be answered, as I remembered the Levi I met all those years ago. He was level headed, but brash and stoic, not one to show any kind of emotion. He hasn’t seemed to change much, so I doubt he would open up to me about all these trivial facts about a life he might not even want to remember. I sighed out loud and continued walking, trying to get my mind off of everything and just focus on training and graduating at the top of my class. There were plenty of days to come, so I had to be ready to be watched an evaluated on my skill, or lack thereof. Until then, I needed a good night’s sleep. I decided to put off my nightly run in order to get some well-deserved shut eye. And in the morning, I’d be right back to it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if Rhea seemed too enthusiastic about seeing Levi again, but hey, the man's got charisma. As always, constructive criticism is always appreciated. This is my first writing so I am always looking for ways to improve!


	4. Common Ground: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rheagan and friends continue training for the Special Ops Squad...under the watchful eye of Captain Levi.

The past couple weeks have been normal. I was expecting Erwin to be watching us intently for the next couple of months until graduation, but he and Levi only show up occasionally and usually without warning. I understand why they do it, though. It’s easier to evaluate the cadets if they aren’t expecting you to come and watch. I was expecting today to be just like any other day, and with that thought I began my morning run. I ran until the sun rose completely over the horizon, leaving just a few minutes of peace and quiet in the mess hall for me to enjoy my breakfast. I always eat a light meal, usually fruit or eggs and a cup of tea to keep my energized. Gunther casually joined me at the table as he did every morning. “Hey, have you heard?” I looked at him with a puzzled expression and shook my head. _I never hear anything, Gunther._ I thought as he continued to speak. “There’s a rumor going around that Erwin and Levi are supposed to be stopping by today to do more evaluations.” Gunther began shoveling food into his mouth, just looking at me and waiting for my response. “Huh,” I pondered the thought, “That’s odd. Usually they come unannounced. I wonder what the occasion could be.” He shrugged and continued eating as I got up, cleaned the utensils I was using and went out to investigate this rumor. Apparently, Erwin and Levi specifically announced that they would be evaluating Titan simulation skills today. Maybe since they are moving on from combat training evaluations, they decided to inform the cadets that they would be doing a different type of training? Either way, I had to prepare myself to be evaluated. I wasn’t too worried. The titan simulations were easier for me than the other cadets, as I was quite good at using ODM gear and I had killer senses, allowing me to detect a wooden titan before it was launched into view. My senses have always been very keen, including my sense of hearing. I could always hear a rustling in the leaves right before one of the titan figures was swung around for us to cut down. As all the cadets filed into the field and prepared their ODM gear, Erwin and Levi made their arrival.

This time, they were accompanied by section commander Hange Zoe. Levi did not seem too intent on being there, though I hadn’t any clue as to why. “Good morning, cadets. Today we will be evaluating you all on your ability to cut down a titan using its weak spot; the nape of the neck. As you all know, you should consider this just like any other day of training. Just try your best and pretend we are not here. That is all.” The two men stepped away and allowed us to get ready to begin. “Cadet Schultz! You’re up first!” Gunther winced at me as he stepped up to the plate. “Wish me luck,” he mouthed, and off he went. He flew through the trees, dodging every titan and cutting their napes with haste. The first few cuts he made were not deep enough, but he quickly adjusted the pressure he applied to his blades and the rest of his cuts were much deeper. When he reached the other side, he was given a slip of paper with a number 2 on it. _That’s strange,_ I thought _, I wonder what that paper is supposed to mean._ “Cadet Starke! You’re next. Hop to it!” Now it was my turn. I stepped forward, and at the sound of the whistle I was off. I went zooming through the trees, easily avoiding colliding with any of the titans and quickly severing their napes. I made it to the other side in record time, and was given a slip of paper with a number 2 on it. I met up with Gunther while the other cadets took their turns and we both questioned what the paper could mean. After all the cadets had their go, we were left with half of the cadets owning a paper with a 1 and half owning a paper with a 2. All the cadets turned their heads to listen as Erwin Smith stepped up and began to speak, “That will be all for today’s evaluations. Hold on to the papers you were given at the end of your run and report here tomorrow morning for your next trial.” Gunther and I looked at each other confused, but we shrugged it off and continued with our normal training for the day. After training it was time for dinner. Gunther and I made our plates and sat down at a table to eat together. On my plate, a single chicken breast, brightly seasoned, with a side of mashed sweet potatoes and steamed vegetables. On Gunther’s plate, his usual mound of miscellaneous foods. As we ate we discussed what the slips of paper we were given could possibly be for. “Maybe they’re splitting us up into groups,” Gunther suggested. “Of course! That’s the only logical explanation,” I was surprised that Gunther had thought of it before I had, as I was typically the more observant and intuitive of the two of us. As we contemplated the reasons for splitting up the cadets into 2 groups, we were both approached by a small girl with amber hair cut short and deep brown eyes.

“Hiya!” She said to the two of us, gleaming with enthusiasm. “Um..hi!,” I responded, not really knowing who this girl was or why she was talking to us, “And, you are?” “Oh haha, sorry. My name’s Petra Ral. I saw you two had a slip of paper with a number 2 on it and I came over because I have on as well!” She showed her paper sporting the number 2, just like the ones Gunther and I had. “I was hoping you might have an idea of what these papers are supposed to mean.”  I looked at Gunther, who gave me a nod of approval before I explained to the girl, “We think they’re splitting us up into groups for evaluations. It would make it easier for them to observe us and narrow down contenders for the Special Ops squad.” “That makes a lot of sense,” she sat next to me at our table, looking like she was still deep in thought. I decided to break the silence between the three of us, “So, Petra is it? How come we haven’t seen you around before?” She snapped out of her contemplation and turned towards me, but before she could answer, I realized the answer on my own. “You are from the training corps after Gunther and I, aren’t you?” I asked again. “Yup! We are all being evaluated as well. I guess Erwin wants to expand the search to the next training corps, too.” I thought it was odd that Erwin would search for cadets that were so young to be on a special ops squad, but I guess it’s the skill that counts in the end. “So you must be a year younger than Gunther, right? Around 18?” “I’m 17, actually. I got an early start,” she let out a nervous laugh. “Huh. Well welcome to our little group. You are more than welcome to hang around with us. We kind of stick to ourselves, but we are always open to fresh faces!” The young girl looked pleased to be inducted into our group of misfits, probably happy to have found a few new friends.

The next day the 2 classes of cadets, this year’s and next year’s graduating classes, were gathered in the ground commons for another announcement by Commander Erwin. “Today, you all will be split into 2 groups. Those of you whose paper sports a number 1 may group on the left side in front of Section Commander Hange. Those of you whose paper has a number 2 on it may group to the right in front of Captain Levi. These will be your new training groups for the remainder of the year. In these groups, you will be assessed, and the top ten of each group will be taken into consideration for the special operations squad. However, only a total of 5 cadets will have the honor of joining the special ops squad. So continue to train your hardest and keep on improving. That is all.” Erwin walked off as we all formed our groups. When we were all gathered in front of Levi, he began to speak. “Alright, listen up. I’m only going to explain this once. From this day forward you will under my supervision and watchful eye. I will be evaluating your every move, so make sure you stay alert and put all your effort into showing me what you’re made of. You all should count yourselves lucky to be training with me instead of that eccentric shitty glasses.” He turned his head to Hange, and the rest of the cadets’ gazes followed his to look at the wild mannered woman who was clearly frightening her group of cadets with her loud and quite annoying mannerisms.  The cadets parted as he walked down the middle. He was in front of me now, just a few paces ahead. “Now, with that said, our first task will be training on horseback. Report to the stables and mount up.” As he turned his head, our eyes met for just a moment. I felt myself blushing as I turned away, waiting for him to turn his back to me before I would allow myself to breathe again. “What the hell was that, Rheagan,” Gunther asked me. “Huh? What do you mean?” Petra said. She was oblivious to what had just happened, but I preferred to keep it that way. “Rheagan nearly had a heart attack when the Captain stared at her. I know he’s intimidating, but you don’t need to hold your breath. Literally,” Gunther laughed, and I laughed it off with him. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. My nerves just got the better of me.” That was a close call, but Gunther, Petra and I made our way to the stables for training. We were evaluated closely on how well we kept pace with the group and how well we maneuvered our horses around obstacles. It took me a while to get accustomed to the horse, but once I let myself trust him, he let himself trust me. It was smooth sailing from there.

Training today wasn’t so bad. Horseback riding wasn’t exactly my forte. I hadn’t really had much experience with horses despite working on the farm. I was more of a cattle type of farm maid. But any who, dusk came upon us quickly and Levi decided that was all for tonight. We headed back to the grounds, settled our horses, and went off to bed. I decided to grab one last cup of tea before bed, and sat on a bench in the commons. The cool, crisp air complimented my warm cup of tea very nicely. The sensation of the breeze over my face as the hot tea trickled down my throat was quite pleasing. I took a deep breath in, then slowly released the air from my lungs, taking in the beauty of the night. I shut my eyes and listened to the sounds of nature. The wind gusted through tree branches, crickets chirped in the distance, and the rest—silence. It was wonderful. The silence was broken by a crunching of leaves and twigs under someone’s shoe as they moved closer to where I was sat. My eyes shot open and I quickly turned my head to see Captain Levi approaching my bench; In his hand, a cup of tea. I guess he and I had the same idea. He sat beside me on the bench and draped one arm over the back with his legs crossed. “What exactly do you think you’re doing out here so late, Starke?” _He remembered my name.._ I thought to myself as I formulated an answer. “I just—I really enjoy the peace and silence of the outdoors at night, sir. One of my favorite things to do is to watch the stars play around the moon when the sun finally sets.” He looked at me, rather fascinated. “And why is that?” “Uh.. to be completely honest, sir, I never really got to enjoy the beauty of the night sky when I was a child. I was—sheltered, I guess you could say.” His eyes were watching me intently, as mine were watching him. There was a brief silence between us before I let it slip out, “My whole family died when I was very young,” _Why the hell am I telling him this?! He’s going to figure me out!_ He looked into his cup, holding at the brim rather than the handle. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he said. I looked into the distance before responding, “It’s quite alright, Captain. Everything in life happens for a reason. We just have to come to terms with those reasons, and learn from them.” He looked up from his cup, turning his head to look at me. The expression on his face was soft, one I had never seen him wear before. I looked away from him and up at the sky, “It may sound pathetic, but the stars have become close friends of mine. I turn to them when I’m missing my family. I like to think that they are up there somewhere, looking down at me.” He turned to look at the sky as well, “That’s a nice thought, and not pathetic at all.”

He got up from the bench, straightened his stance, and said to me, “Alright, it’s time you get to bed. You know the rules, all cadets are to be inside after sunset.” I turned to look at him, frozen. He turned to stare at me with his steely eyes, which froze me to my core even more, “That’s an order, brat.” I broke free of the grasp of his hypnotic stare and nodded, standing up from the bench and quickly turning to report to my bunker. I stopped in my tracks before turning back and approaching him, “May I take your cup, Captain? I should wash them before I head to bed.” He was surprised at my dedication to tidiness, but refused. “Didn’t you hear me the first time? I said off to bed.” He instead took my cup and made his way to the mess hall, presumably to clean them and put them back into their homes. I myself headed to the bunkers, where I slipped into bed and shut my eyes. My mind was running a mile a minute, filling with thoughts of Levi. Why had he allowed me to sit outside for a while? And more importantly, why had he sat next to me and kept me company? Despite all these thoughts running through my brain, it was only a matter of minutes before I was out cold.

The next morning I was up and at it early, just like I always am. If Levi was going to be watching our every move today, and I had to show him that I belong in his squad. Gunther, Petra and I made our way to meet the rest of our group for Levi’s briefing on today’s training. He looked very clean cut and well rested. My friends and I made our way to the front of the group, just paces away from Levi. He watched as I walked past him and stopped in the front row. He stared at me a little longer than what felt comfortable, and I felt my heartbeat quickening. But I held his gaze with a soft expression and good posture. I swear I almost saw a smirk on his face, but maybe I was imagining it. He looked away from me and toward the crowd of cadets in front of him before beginning to speak. “Alright, cadets. Today we will be training more with the ODM gear. Those of you in my group were chosen as such based on your outstanding ability to operate ODM gear, navigate the forest, and cut down titans with ease and haste. This time, it will be much more difficult and I will be watching much more intently on your moves and judging the decisions you make during the simulation. From this day forward, you all will be ranked on your performances during training. This will help Erwin and I narrow down contenders for my Special Operations Squad. Don’t let the pressure get to you. Keep a level head and treat this simulation as if it were real. When you’re in the field, there will be no second chances.” And with that note, he turned away from us and shot up into the trees, ready to follow alongside us and observe our simulation down to the very smallest detail. He began calling cadets up by name to perform their simulation. When my turn came around, I was ready to show Levi what I was really made of. If I was to earn a spot on the Special Operations Squad, I couldn’t hold anything back. At the sound of the whistle, I raced into the forest. As I moved from tree to tree, I looked around in my periphery for any titans. I saw one out of the corner of my eye on the right, and I was approaching it fast. As soon as I saw movement, I dodged left and quickly cut its nape. Easy. The next one was nearly the same, but directly after the first one. I propelled myself up above the titan and came down on its nape, striking ferociously. The chunk of leather cut from the fake titan’s nape went flying, landing on the ground with a _THUD_. I wasn’t met with another titan for quite a while. It was a few minutes before it was sprung upon me. As I approached it, I closed my eyes and listened for the spring to release. That’s when the titan would move into my view. Before it had time to move in front of me I shot my grapple to a tree directly in front of me, and what soon would be behind the titan. As I came to a halt against the tree, the titan finally moved into position. I immediately propelled myself backwards, shooting up and over the titan. My face was met with the sun as I soared over my prey. I then proceeded into a backwards diving position, coming down on the titan with lightning speed. Right before I met the titan, I pulled up at the last second and swung across its wooden body, my blades severing its nape. The blades cut so deep that even a chunk of wood was carved out of the fake titan. I quickly made my way to the edge of the forest, being met with glares by my fellow cadets and Captain Levi. I walked over to Gunther and asked, “Why is everyone just staring at me?” “Rheagan..” He paused momentarily before he continued, staring into the forest, “That technique you used to kill the last titan…it was unlike anything I have ever seen. You anticipated the attacks of all those titans. Not to mention you made it out of there before any of us really knew what was going on.” I just stared at him for a minute, not really knowing what to say. Then he spoke again, “Rheagan even Captain Levi was watching you so intently. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you. I think you really blew him away with that kind of skill.” “Wow, I didn’t even think I was doing anything special.” I laid down on the grass and just stared into the sky. As the other cadets made their run through, I was daydreaming about my life after graduation. What would it be like to fight real titans? Would I even survive? Before I knew it the evaluations were complete and it felt like the sun suddenly disappeared. I opened my eyes and stood up. It was nearly sun down. I guess I had wandered far enough away from the group that they must’ve thought I went back to camp. I started to head back to the bunkers before deciding to take a walk through the grounds before bed.

As the sun set, I remembered a song my mother would sing as a child. I closed my eyes and let the breeze flow over me as I hummed the familiar tune. I could feel a knot forming in my throat as tears started to well in my eyes. I missed having a family, someone to care about me and whether I survived or not. I fell to my knees and ran my hands through the soft grass beneath me. In the grass I found some familiar medicinal herbs. They were the type I used to bring to my mother in the Underground City. They might become useful one day, so I decided to pick some. I wrapped them in a cloth and tucked them away in my pocket. I found myself sitting on a hill hugging my knees to my chin, overlooking a wide open meadow lit up by the moon and the array of stars. I must’ve gotten lost in the stars because I was suddenly approached by Captain Levi. I hoped he wasn’t going to scold me for being out late again. I looked up at him and said, “I’m sorry, Captain. I know I’m not supposed to be out here this late.” I gathered myself and started to rise to a standing position when he said, “It’s quite alright. You don’t have to get up right now.” He joined me in my stargazing, looking out into the sky with an expression that was gloomy yet tranquil. After a few moments, he broke the silence between us, “I’ve thought a lot about what you said the other night. About your family and how everything happens for a reason.” I looked up at him, desperate to know what he was going to say next. He suddenly turned to look down at me and said, “I lost my family, too. Everyone I’ve ever cared about was taken away from me.” He paused and looked at me before hesitantly continuing. “I haven’t the slightest idea why I am telling you all this. But I found a sort of peace in what you said, and I wanted to thank you.” “Captain, I’m so sorry. I—” “Please, call me Levi.” I was shocked that he was opening up to me, even if it was just a little bit, but I was even more shocked he wanted me to call him by his first name. “That isn’t the reason I came to talk to you,” he said confidently. He looked down at me once again, though I was looking out into the meadow. “I’d like for you to join my Special Operations Squad, if you’re willing.” My head snapped around and I was looking up at him within milliseconds. I was speechless. He turned away from me and began speaking again, “The kind of skill you have is unlike anything I’ve seen before. It’s instinctual. You think and fight in the same way that I do. You’re not only skilled, you’re smart. You evaluate the situation at hand and formulate the best course of action to take before acting. I could use someone like you on my team.” He turned back to me and reached out his hand to help me off of the ground. We were standing closer than I think we ever have before. His eyes of mercury stared into my earthy ones, almost looking like they were searching for something. “So what do you say?” “I’d be honored, Capt—I mean, Levi.” I smiled at him and he nodded approvingly. “Great, then it’s off to bed with you. We have an early day of training tomorrow. And I don’t need you telling any of the other cadets about our conversation tonight, got it Starke?” I nodded in agreement, and Levi turned to walk away. Before he got too far I called out to him, “And Levi!” He stopped in his tracks and turned his head so his ear was pointed in my direction. “You can call me Rheagan.” He stood there a moment longer before turning back and continuing to walk away. I made my way back to the bunkers and plopped myself onto my bed. I stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours just thinking about everything Levi and I had talked about that night. I was in a complete state of euphoria. I don’t know how I could sleep after that, but I forced my eyes shut and turned my brain off, allowing me to drift into a peaceful slumber. _Until tomorrow, Levi…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it's taken me so long to upload! I have been having internet problems for the past few days but I finally got it to work! Hope you all continue to read and, as always, Kudos and comments are much appreciated! :)


	5. Common Ground: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We follow Levi as he tries to figure out just who Rheagan Starke is.

It’s been a few weeks since Erwin and I have last evaluated the cadets. I had to continue my search to fill the spots on my Special Ops Squad. I needed the best of the best soldiers humanity had to offer, so Erwin and I were going to pay the training camp another visit this afternoon. Erwin asked that I meet up with him before we leave, to go over some specifics. “Levi, I know you are aware that we are to be evaluating the cadets today, this time on their ODM abilities. I can tell that you have been preoccupied lately, surely with the thought of having to choose new squad mates.” I was preoccupied, but there was one reason in particular that I couldn’t pry my thoughts away from. “I thought I should inform you ahead of time that Hange will be accompanying us on our visit today.” “You’ve got to be joking. Why in the world do we need to bring that eccentric nuisance?” I was irritated now. It was bad enough I had to be put through this whole ordeal and deal with those brats we call cadets, but now Erwin had to bring shitty glasses into it too? Erwin started to explain the reason for her presence, “To help monitor the cadets’ abilities and to give you some time to clear your thoughts. It is imperative you remain unbiased, Levi.” Unbiased? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I was already pissed that Erwin thought I of all people needed help with this decision or keeping the brats in line. But still, I couldn’t get my mind off that one cadet the first day of evaluations. She fought like I’ve never seen a new trainee fight before. Most of the scouts now can’t fight like that, yet she remained humble. It was almost like she didn’t even know that she could fight so vigorously, either. I kept her on the back burner in the corner of my mind. She had made quite the impression, and I was anxious to see what else she was made of. I needed to know if she was just lucky or if she could handle being in my squad. I needed to push her until she broke. She told me her name once before, but with the stress of having to continuously return to the training camp and play babysitter with those little shots, I completely forgot her name. I kicked myself a little for it, but I'm sure is come across her again. I snapped out of my own thoughts when we arrived at the training camp. The cadets gathered to hear Erwin’s speech, one I wasn’t too intent on listening to as he had given so many of the same dull words before. I was determined to start narrowing down contenders for my squad, so when the ODM trials began, I watched carefully with a keen eye.

It was Erwin’s idea to split the cadets between Hange and I—at least I didn’t have to work too closely alongside her, which meant I could keep my sanity for now. I would indicate to him which cadets I wanted to keep a close watch over, those I felt had more to offer to my squad and therefore required special attention, and they would be grouped with me. The rest of the cadets would train under Hange and she would mark any exceptional cadets I may have missed. Each of the cadets took their turn in the titan simulation forest, cutting down wooden goliaths and being grouped at the end of their run. They were all sub par, none really standing out to me as extraordinary. Soon the girl I had on my radar stepped up to the plate. I heard Shadis call her Starke, so at least now I could put a name to the face again. I was eager to see if she was as good at operating ODM gear as she was at hand-to-hand combat. I was surprisingly disappointed to find that she was really no better and using ODM gear as any of the other cadets. She was quick, I’ll give her that, but if I was being honest with myself, I was more impressed by the much younger cadet with ginger hair than I was with that Starke girl. Maybe she wasn’t the remarkable fighter and cadet I thought she was. But I still wanted to keep an eye on her, so I told Erwin to place her in my group. I couldn’t help but wonder why she was so much older than the rest of the recruits, but I guess it was none of my business and I really didn’t care enough to find out. Once the cadets were grouped, Erwin, Hange and I took our leave. We would come back tomorrow to start group training, but there wasn’t much else we could do that day. On the ride back to headquarters, Erwin confronted me with some strange questions. “Levi, I’ve noticed that you have your eye on Cadet Starke. Mind telling me why that is? I understand her performance in hand-to-hand combat is outstanding, but her ODM run through was easily forgettable.” I didn’t know how to answer because I myself didn’t know why I kept such a close eye on her. “I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about, Erwin. I have nothing for or against that girl, and frankly I couldn’t care less either way. The only encounter we’ve had is during combat training. She seemed to have skill and perseverance, which I thought were valuable qualities in a soldier. Nothing more or less than that.” He simply nodded at me and faced forward, not saying another word to me on the matter. He had a point, though. I was looking out for that girl and watching her more closely than the other cadets. Maybe that impression she had on me on our first meeting a few weeks ago had me hoping that she was some amazing soldier that could possibly one day be my second in command, a right hand man, someone I could count on indefinitely in the field and out. I was so intent on finding recruits to fill the spots in my squad, and doing it quickly so I wouldn’t have to keep torturing myself with the whole ordeal, that perhaps I made up some wild expectations for a trainee who just got lucky in a fight. Whatever the reason was, I had to keep an open mind and I couldn’t give anyone any second chances, not that I was one to give second chances in the first place. Once back at HQ, I made myself a cup of tea and sat in my office, contemplating each of the cadets’ observable skills so far and making a chart in order to rank them. I had to be prepared for my next meeting with the cadets and I had to be strict and fair. So I tried to get that Starke brat out of my head and focus on my main goal; finding a squad.

The next day we arrive at the training base and the cadets group in front of Hange and I. I addressed the runts that stood in front of me and informed them of exactly what they were getting into and what was expected of them. “Alright, listen up. I’m only going to explain this once. From this day forward you will under my supervision and watchful eye. I will be evaluating your every move, so make sure you stay alert and put all your effort into showing me what you’re made of. You all should count yourselves lucky to be training with me instead of that eccentric shitty glasses.” I turned my gaze to Hange, as she was shouting about something most likely unimportant and undoubtedly scaring the living shit out of the sorry bastards training under her. I instructed my trainees to report to the stables to begin training on horseback. I turned my head and my eyes landed on two perfectly round orbs of earthy green. She was staring right at me, or through me was more like it. I quickly turned away, not wanting to look at her for too long and also because I got a strange feeling that somehow felt like a small rush of adrenaline. I wasn’t scared in any way, nor did I feel threatened, so it was a strange feeling and I wanted to rid myself of it as soon as possible. During horseback training, I watched the cadets as they maneuvered their horses around obstacles and connected with the majestic beasts. I noticed that most of the cadets handled the horses very well. I also noticed that Starke was not so graceful when handling hers. I was beginning to think that she just caught a lucky break before and was just like any of these other brats. This conclusion made it much easier for me to put her out of my mind and put my energy into truly and fairly evaluating the rest of the cadets. I’ll be damned if I let myself be biased or make the mistake of choosing a recruit that didn’t meet my high standards. Now that I was focusing more on each cadet individually, I began to notice that the majority of them really got on my nerves. “Oi,” I said under my breath and let out an audible sigh. This was going to be a long couple of weeks. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I had to deal with all the bitching and complaining coming from these twerps on a daily basis.

The horseback training didn’t really tell me much about the skills of my trainees, as most of them handled their horses well, but not well enough to escape an average rating. I had developed a raging headache from all the incessant whining and annoying voices of the young brats I was watching over. I wasn’t a fucking babysitter, but hell did I feel like one. “Tch,” I let out, and made myself a cup of tea to help me relax. I took my tea and made my way outside to enjoy the silence of the night. As I was walking out, I noticed a slender figure sat on a bench. I hadn’t the slightest clue who it was, but cadets weren’t allowed outside after dark, and it might be fun to see the reaction on their face when I walk over there and order them back inside. As I made my way over to the location of the shadow, I was able to tell it was a female with long hair. The moon moved out from behind the clouds and shed some light on the mystery woman, allowing me to make out her identity. “Shit,” I whispered, not wanting her to hear me. I debated going back inside, but my curiosity got the better of me and I continued to make my way closer. I sat down beside her, put my arm across the back of the bench and crossed my legs. She also had a cup of tea, which indicated that she and I were at least slightly more alike than I had thought and would like to admit. “What exactly do you think you’re doing out here, Starke?” I began to regret my decision to approach her here as I got that unfortunately familiar sense of adrenaline again, even if ever so slight. “I just—I really enjoy the peace and silence of the outdoors at night, sir. One of my favorite things to do is to watch the stars play around the moon when the sun finally sets.” Huh, she not an uncultured swine like the rest of the little shits. “And why is that?” I inquired. She seemed nervous. “Uh.. to be completely honest, sir, I never really got to enjoy the beauty of the night sky when I was a child. I was—sheltered, I guess you could say.” I watched her eyes as she spoke. They were staring into the sky, the stars reflecting within them. Her voice was soft and was beginning to calm. She let out a deep breath before stating out of the blue that her family had died. I never asked her, so why the hell did she feel the need to tell me, and why did she think I would even care? I couldn’t help but pity her, though. Then she spoke, and the words that came out of her mouth were some of the most insightful words I had heard in a while. It made me think about my friends—about Furlan and Isabel, and about my mother. Memories, both good and bad, went flashing through my head, and I suddenly felt sorrow and peace at the same time. Starke was clearly strong not just physically, but emotionally as well. She wasn’t afraid to get sentimental, to my slight annoyance, but she also didn’t let herself be overcome by her emotions. It was a commendable feat, but I wasn’t going to let her become aware of that.

I came to my senses, having realized why I even came over here in the first place, and rose from the bench. “Alright, it’s time you get to bed. You know the rules, all cadets are to be inside after sunset.” She just stared at me blankly. Was she intimidated by me or something? She was definitely an interesting girl, confusing almost. She was intelligent enough, but sometimes she seemed as mindless as one of Hange’s pathetic lab rats of a titan. “That’s an order, brat.” I think that one finally got through her thick skull, as she nodded at me and stood up. She started walking away from me, but then she did something I wasn’t expecting. “May I take your cup, Captain? I should wash them before I head to bed.” She was tidy and well kept, another commendable feat. I could definitely use someone who is clean on my team, but skill is what mattered first, and she still had a lot to prove to me before I would just hand over an invitation. I almost forgot she was standing there before saying, “Didn’t you hear me the first time? I said off to bed.” I took the tea cup from her hand, being careful not to drop it, and went to clean them. From the corner of my eye, I saw her smile slightly and retreat to the bunkers. The girl was still a brat, but I was starting to warm up to her. I wouldn’t let that get the better of me, though, you could be damn sure of that. After I washed the cups and returned them to the cupboard, I retreated myself to a nice warm bed in the Captain’s Quarters where I would be staying for the next few weeks until cadet graduation. I still didn’t know why I had a soft spot for Starke, but I was determined to get to the bottom of it and hopefully nip this inconvenience in the bud before it turns into anything more. I cleared my mind of the girl and drifted off to sleep, something that I didn’t get very often.

The next day I woke up and prepared for the long day of training. More horseback riding was in schedule, but I figured that I learned all I could from the cadets about their horseback skills yesterday. It wasn’t rocket science, after all. And if they couldn’t figure out how to ride a horse they wouldn’t survive as a Scout anyways, let alone on my Special Ops Squad. I couldn’t make rhyme or reason of why Starke was so good at combat training but only average with ODM gear, and it was really pissing me off. So I decided that we would do more ODM training today. I needed to figure out once and for all what she’s made of. I was secretly hoping that her ODM skills would be just as abysmal as they were the first time, and maybe that would turn me away and let me free her from my thoughts. “Fuck,” I said. What the hell is going on with me? Am I really going to let one stupid girl get in my way and cloud my judgements? I was more angry now than anything, and ready to start today’s training. I waited for my trainees to gather around me at the entrance to the titan simulation forest. Then I saw Starke and her seemingly annoying friends make their way to the front of the crowd. I glared at her, expecting her to be intimidated and look away. I wanted to assert my authority, but she didn’t let down. She looked back at me softly, standing upright and not slouching. _Well, shit._ I thought. _She’s definitely got the guts to be on my squad._ I felt the corner of my lip begin to turn upward, but I stifled the smirk before I let it become noticeable. I averted my gaze from hers and began to instruct the group of cadets stationed in front of me. “Alright, cadets. Today we will be training more with the ODM gear. Those of you in my group were chosen as such based on your outstanding ability to operate ODM gear, navigate the forest, and cut down titans with ease and haste. This time, it will be much more difficult and I will be watching much more intently on your moves and judging the decisions you make during the simulation. From this day forward, you all will be ranked on your performances during training. This will help Erwin and I narrow down contenders for my Special Operations Squad. Don’t let the pressure get to you. Keep a level head and treat this simulation as if it were real. When you’re in the field, there will be no second chances.” It was very important to me not to sugar coat anything for these brats. This is nothing like it is out on the field, with real titans. We don’t need any dirty blood on our hands from soldiers who didn’t know what they were getting into. We don’t need any regrets. I left them with that thought and hoisted myself up into the trees. I was committed to watching these cadets so closely that I would be able to tell who really had skill and who was just a lucky bastard. Luck isn’t enough to ensure your survival. When it was Starke’s turn, I analyzed her for weaknesses. She sped through the trees with confidence and grace. She was determined, and she made that damn clear. She was smart, cunning, and resourceful. She constantly watched her periphery for titans and reacted accordingly, along with being agile, avoiding collisions and quickly severing the leather napes of the wooden titans. She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye and proceeded forward even quicker. _Was this brat trying to show off?_ I thought as I hurried after her. The next titan was coming up fast, but she did something no other cadet has done before; she closed her eyes. Was she insane? How did she expect to avoid and kill titans if she couldn’t see. Then it hit me, how could I be so naïve? She wasn’t an idiot. She was using her other senses—she was listening. I had to admit to myself, if she could pull this off it would be pretty impressive. She must’ve heard the release of the spring because her eyes shot open and she propelled herself forward with haste, landing on a tree behind the next titan right as it moved into view. The instinct this girl has is astounding, and she’s analytical, which is extremely useful for surviving in the field. She then shot up into the air and over the titan, her figure illuminated by the sun that graced her face. She swiftly dove down towards the titan. After shooting her grapple to an adjacent tree and pulled up at the last moment, swinging across the wooden giant and digging her blades into its nape. I could hear the blades cut not only through leather but through wood as well. _Holy shit._ _She’s not fucking around._ I guess she wasn’t just lucky—she was holding back from me. We both made our way out of the forest, and she made her way over to her friends. The two cadets she was with were also very talented soldiers. The tall, tanned lad towering over her was talking to her, while the little amber haired girl just stared at them both. I had to continue the runs, however, and averted my attention back to the simulation. The whole time I was thinking about Starke. What was I to do? She was very skilled, but I didn’t want to show any favoritism. She still had a lot to prove. I knew exactly what I needed to do.

After all the cadets finished their runs and head off to bed, I made my way out into the field. I had a feeling I would find her there. I wanted to confront her, scold her for holding back on me, not showing me what she’s made of and giving me her all. That’s the stuff that gets you killed outside the walls. I couldn’t afford any casualties, not a single one. I found her on the brink of tears looking out at the stars. She started to apologize for god knows what reason but I simply joined her in marveling at the glorious unknown universe beyond this insignificant planet. “I’ve thought a lot about what you said the other night. About your family and how everything happens for a reason.” _What in Satan’s name am I doing? Why am I telling her this and why would she even care? Why do I care?_ “I lost my family, too. Everyone I’ve ever cared about was taken away from me. I haven’t the slightest idea why I am telling you all this. But I found a sort of peace in what you said, and I wanted to thank you.” Well fuck, can’t take any of that back now. Since when did I become a sentimental bastard who lets his emotions take over? “Captain, I’m so sorry.” God, I hate that whole Captain and sir shit she pulls on me. “Please, call me Levi.” We both went silent. It was awkward and intensely uncomfortable, and the tension was killing me, so I spoke up. “That isn’t the reason I came to talk to you. I’d like for you to join my Special Operations Squad, if you’re willing.” That caught her attention because she lifted her head towards me instantly, her hair wisping in wind and her eyes staring into mine. The smell of her shampoo travelled in the wind and onto my face. It was quite pleasant. I continued speaking confidently, “The kind of skill you have is unlike anything I’ve seen before. It’s instinctual. You think and fight in the same way that I do. You’re not only skilled, you’re smart. You evaluate the situation at hand and formulate the best course of action to take before acting. I could use someone like you on my team.” I helped her off the ground. She was still staring at me, and I felt nervous to move, but I didn’t break her gaze. “So what do you say?” I asked her, hoping to be done with this increasingly uncomfortable situation. “I’d be honored, Capt—I mean, Levi.” I was relieved that she accepted my offer, and that I didn’t have to endure this encounter any longer. “Great, then it’s off to bed with you. We have an early day of training tomorrow. And I don’t need you telling any of the other cadets about our conversation tonight, got it Starke?” I turned to leave before she called me back. It was almost like she could tell I was unsettled and was toying with me. Then she let out, “You can call me Rheagan.” That name was much more fitting to her than Starke—it was much more feminine and elegant. I continued walking and made my way back to my quarters. I climbed into bed, content with how that god awful meeting went, and slowly drifted off to sleep. The last image I saw before losing consciousness was her eyes. They were familiar and soothing. She was certainly a mystery, and I was determined to figure her out.


	6. Attraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rheagan gives Petra advice on romance as things seemingly heat up between her and Levi.

The day was finally here. I started my journey to become a scout 3 years ago, and now I’m graduating at the top of my class. Gunther was right there with me, placing 3rd in the class. I would have never believed that I would get this far, let alone have made really close friends like Gunther and Petra. Gunther was my closest friend. We did everything together, told each other everything. Well, almost everything. I still hadn’t told him about my already having a guaranteed spot in Levi’s squad. Regardless of how much I wanted to tell him I knew I couldn’t. But I knew that Gunther and Petra would both make it there with me. They were so talented and had the keen instincts that Levi was looking for. We all woke up super early and reported to the training field for Erwin and Levi’s announcement of who would make it onto his squad. I hadn’t interacted with Levi since he offered me that position, but maybe that was for the better. I knew that I was falling in love with Levi. I have been for quite a long time, I just didn’t want to come out and admit it. I haven’t told Gunther or Petra about my feelings for him, either. I don’t know how they would react and I know Gunther would tease me for it. I had a feeling Gunther had a crush on Petra because he would pay more attention to her and talk to her more than me when we were all together. I’m not sure if Petra feels the same, but I guess only time will tell. I’m rambling now, and I needed to focus on Erwin’s announcement to our graduating class. Petra wasn’t with us, as her class still had 1 more year to go and was still training, but she was here in spirit. As of right now, she was at the top of her class, so we all knew she was going to get a position in the squad. All of the graduating cadets turned their attention to Erwin as he began to speak. “Before I begin, I want to congratulate you all for making it all the way through to graduation. You’ve all trained very hard and you’ve made it to the end of your training journey. I wish you all the best of luck in your futures, and hope to see a good handful of you at scout orientation. Now, to get down to the matter of the Special Operations Squad. I’m sure most of you are eager to hear who has been chosen to be in Levi’s squad, so without further ado,” Erwin motioned to Levi, who made his way to the microphone. “After much deliberation and reviewing of all evaluations scores, I’m proud to announce that the cadets who will be given the opportunity to join squad Levi are…Gunther Schultz, Petra Ral, Oluo Bozado, and Rheagan Starke. I thank you all for your hard work and determination. You all performed very well and I have no doubt you will all make amazing soldiers.” Levi then proceeded to walk off stage and in the direction of Gunther and I. Oluo was in the same graduating class as Petra, although he trained with Hange instead of Levi when we were all split into 2 groups, so I had never met him before. Suddenly there was a commotion within the crowd of cadets, and one yelled out, “I thought you were picking 5 people to be on your squad!” The angry cadet was right, Levi did say 5 people would be on his squad, and he only chose 4 cadets. Levi ignored the heckler and continued walking toward us. Gunther turned to me, picked me up and spun me around. He was ecstatic, and so was I. The only thing I was curious about was, how would this work with Petra and that Oluo guy still not having graduated yet?

Levi finally approached us, and Gunther stopped spinning and put me down. He steadied me as I landed, being a little dizzy from all the spinning. Levi then spoke to us, “Congratulations to you both, I am anxious to fight alongside the both of you. We will depart for the Scouting HQ immediately, so pack up your belongings and meet me at the gates in 1 hour.” As Levi began to leave, I stopped him, “Wait!” I took him by the wrist, and he turned to glare at me. “Um, sorry. I was just curious..what happens with Petra and Oluo? What I mean is, they haven’t graduated yet, so how are they going to be incorporated into the squad?” He looked down at his wrist that I was still holding on to, and I nervously let go of him. He turned to look at me and said, “Those 2 will be pulled from training. They are doing well enough and having trained with Hange and I the past few weeks, they will do fine with leaving a little early.” He was right. They did only have a few months of real training left. As Levi walked away, Gunther and I returned to our barracks to pack our things. We met up with Petra at the gates, awaiting Levi and his instructions. She brought that Oluo guy with her. He was kind of annoying and over confident, almost arrogant. Petra did not seem amused by him, though he seemed overly infatuated with her. Levi finally arrived, and we all got into a carriage that would take us to the Scout Regiment Headquarters. The ride was relatively silent. Levi stared out a window, Petra stared at Levi, and Oluo stared at Petra. It was a little weird, and Gunther and I were giving each other looks and communicating through expressions the whole way there. He and I thought very much alike, and more often than not we didn’t even need to use words to communicate our thoughts or feelings to one another. I decided to break the silence, “Captain—Levi..” There was a small enough pause in between those two words that the others would think I was just nervous, but that Levi would know I was calling him Captain in front of the others out of respect, as he has expressed to me before that he prefers Levi over Captain. I continued, “I recall you telling us there would be 5 members of your squad. May I ask who the 5th member is?” He turned to look at me, his eyes of steely gray staring right into my eyes, his expression softening. “You will meet him soon enough. He is a current member of the scouts. I did not find any of the other cadets to be sufficient enough for joining my squad, so I enlisted the help of a current Scout to fill the spot.” That answer was straightforward enough. He turned back to looking out the window. I examined him—his stunning silver eyes, his strong yet soft hands, his lips curved ever so slightly toward to ground. Every strand of black silk that grew atop his head, every point and curve of his body, was simultaneously raveling and unravelling through my brain. This man was driving me crazy, taking over my every thought. My rib cage was met with Gunther’s elbow and an expression on his face that said _You ok?_ Then I noticed that I was staring off into space, thankfully not staring at Levi, though. I nodded and smiled to him and turned to face out the window.

Before I knew it we arrived at our destination and filed out of the carriage. Gunther waited outside the carriage for me, reaching his hand out to help me down. Oluo tried to repeat Gunther’s act of kindness with Petra on the other side of the carriage, though I think he was ignored. I looked in amazement at the huge, gothic castle sat upon the hill. It was made of stone that was stained from age and covered in vines from top to bottom. The castle overlooked a field that was speckled white and purple with violets srrounded by luscious clover. There were lilac bushes on either side, with rose bushes lining the walkway to the castle entrance. The four of us followed Levi into the large building. Upon entering, we were met by a very tall man with shoulder length blonde hair, tied back. “This is Eld Gin. He will complete our squad,” Levi said. “He will show you around the grounds and to your rooms.” Levi then retreated down the hall and entered what looked like his office. The man, Eld, greeted us warmly and led us around the castle and through the grounds, showing us all where the kitchen, the stables, the library, and our rooms were. Petra and I roomed together, while Gunther and Oluo shared a room across from ours. We spent the rest of that day unpacking, organizing, and exploring the headquarters. Petra and I stuck together most of the day. I went around meeting most of the scouts and the higher ups. I left Petra in our room momentarily while asked Erwin in advance if I could train whenever I pleased, as I didn’t want to fall behind. He was more than pleased at my determination and the fact that I wanted to be the best that I could be, and granted me access to all the training equipment. I met back up with Petra in our room after dinner. As we were both laying in our beds after dark, I was thinking of Levi. Was I ever going to tell him how I felt? No, I couldn’t do that. He was my Captain, and that would be inappropriate—wouldn’t it? I sat up and looked out my window. The window looked out over the front of the castle. I could see all the stars in the sky, and the moon shone brightly overhead. I saw a dark figure moving in the commons. The shadow moved so fluidly, and it looked lean and muscular. The wind suddenly picked up, and a lock of silky hair was strewn from the dark figure. He then turned ever so slightly, so that his face was illuminated by the faint glow of the moon—Levi. He must be out for an evening stroll, cup of hot tea in hand. _He does that quite often_ I thought to myself, but my thoughts were interrupted by Petra. “Hey Rheagan, can I tell you something? I need advice because this is eating me up inside.” “Of course, what is it?” She hesitated, blushing slightly. She must be embarrassed to talk about it. Maybe she and Gunther are a thing now?? “Well, you see, there’s this guy that I kind of like. And I don’t know what to do about it.” Oh yeah, definitely her and Gunther. I kind of liked them as a couple, so I gave her my most sincere advice. “In my honest opinion, I think that if you like this guy you should tell him. You want to go out with him, be a couple, right?” “Well, yeah. I do want that…But he’s older than me. Is that weird?” “That’s not weird at all! A lot of girls like to date older guys, myself included, and a lot of guys like to date younger girls. Just go for it! You never know unless you ask.” “You really think I should tell him? Ask him out? What if he says no?” “The answer is always no if you never ask the question! But I do think that you should maybe flirt with him a little instead of outright saying you like him. Guys can be shy and nervous too, you know.” I knew that Gunther might be too nervous to tell Petra that he likes her, and he’d be especially nervous and caught off guard if she just comes right out and tells him. The best course of action for Petra when it comes to Gunther is to flirt and let him come to her. He is smart, and as long as she is straightforward with her signals, he will get the hint and ask her out. Petra let out a sigh of relief and plopped back down into her bed. “Thanks, Rheagan. You really set my mind and my nerves at ease. I think I will try flirting with him tomorrow.” She then rolled over, pulled the covers up to her neck, and tried to fall asleep. I tried to do the same, anxious to see how Petra’s flirting with Gunther played out, but I was up for hours after that with an overactive mind.

I contemplated taking my own advice, maybe flirting with Levi a little to see if he takes the bait. But I wanted to do it subtly. I couldn’t let on to anyone else my feelings for him. I wanted him to be the only one catching on, and I wanted to do it slowly. Maybe build up a friendship first. Ugh! I was thinking way too much about this, like I do with everything. I decided to head down to the kitchen to make myself some chamomile tea, hoping it would help me sleep. I had brewed the water and was letting my tea steep longer than usual to get a stronger tea. I perked up when I heard a voice behind me. “What are you doing up so late? We have an early day tomorrow and you should get some sleep. I don’t need you half-assing your work because you’re exhausted.” I turned to see Levi standing in front of me. I blushed a little as he walked over to the sink and washed his tea cup. He was looking into his cup as he washed it, then he suddenly looked at me out of the corner of his eye and I realized I hadn’t answered his question yet. “I’m sorry Captain, I—“ “I told you before, it’s Levi. You can address me as Captain in front of the other squad members if you please, but I think that we have gotten to know each other and spoken enough to be on a first name basis.” “Right, Levi. I was just coming down to make myself some chamomile tea. I’ve been having trouble sleeping and I thought this could help.” “That’s a smart solution to insomnia. I would know.” He put the now clean cup back into the cupboard and dried his hands. He then walked over, took the cup of tea out of my hand, brought it to up to his lips before looking at me, waiting for approval to taste it, and proceeded to tell me, “You’re going to need to let it steep for longer. It’s not nearly strong enough.” He walked out of the kitchen and back to his room as I stood there unable to move. _Did that really just happen?_ I was surprised I didn’t have a heart attack from how fast my heart was thumping. No amount of chamomile tea would put me to sleep now that I had enough adrenaline to power a race horse coursing through my veins. But I had to try. I took the cup of tea to my room, and I couldn’t stop smiling. I tried very hard not to wake Petra as I opened the door to our room. It creaked slightly and Petra tossed in her bed, but remained asleep. I sipped on my tea as I stared out the window once more. Once the cup was empty, I set it down on my bedside table and laid in my bed. I could feel the tea working as my eyes grew heavy. The next thing I knew, it was morning time.

I gave myself time to truly wake up before showering, dressing, and brushing my teeth. I then went to grab the empty cup that once held my tea just hours before, and was surprised to see that it had gone missing. I looked under my bed, figuring it must’ve fallen during the night, but it was nowhere to be seen. Petra then walked into our room, having just brushed her teeth, and I asked her, “Hey, Petra. Did you move the cup that was on my night stand?” “A cup? I have no idea what you’re talking about. There was no cup there when I woke up this morning.” She then walked out of the room and proceeded down the hall. That’s odd. Petra was awake before I was, so what happened to the cup? It wasn’t really that important, but I was oddly curious. Either way, I went down to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast to start the day. Gunther, Petra, Oluo, Eld, and Levi were already all there, sitting at the table. “There she is,” Gunther exclaimed as I sat down next to him and across from Levi. Gunther continued to tease me, “Someone likes her beauty sleep, huh?” “You must’ve been up late last night,” Eld added. I looked up and was met with Levi looking at me over his cup of morning tea. I looked over at Eld and replied, “Yeah, I had trouble sleeping. Captain suggested I make some tea to help me sleep.” “Yeah, tea is kind of Levi’s thing,” Eld said. Oluo spoke up, looking at Petra the whole time, "Unlike you, I don't need beuty sleep. This is a natural glow." He cocked his head slightly and grinned, looking overly confident in his outward appearance. He glanced to see if Petra was looking, which she was not, and began to lose that arrogant vibe we were all getting from him. Petra was sat next to Levi and across from Gunther. She looked at me and blushed a little before placing her elbow on the table and supporting her head with her fist. She looked to the side, facing the direction of Levi and Eld. Then Gunther suddenly let out, “Hey! What’s the big deal, Petra? Why’d you go and kick me under the table?” “Oops! Sorry, Gunther. I didn’t mean to kick you. I was just trying to adjust my leg.” She then turned a bright red and excused herself from the table. “What’s her deal?” Gunther asked me, and I shrugged even though I knew exactly what her deal was. Everyone else began to get up from the table and head outside to prepare for the day. Levi and I were the only ones left. He then spoke and said, “I noticed the empty cup you left in your room last night and I took it down to be washed. I hope you don’t mind.” I was caught off guard with that one, but I replied, “No, I don’t mind at all. I’m just glad I didn’t misplace it.” “Good. Next time, try to pick up after yourself.” And with that, he got up from the table and joined the others outside, and I followed.

Throughout the day, we trained some, met with Erwin and Hange to plan the next scouting expedition, and got to know each other a little more. The day wasn’t jam packed with exciting activities, but it was our first day as Squad Levi, after all. Night snuck up on us quickly, and soon we all retreated to our beds. I didn’t wait to make my way down to the kitchen to prepare more chamomile tea to help me sleep. I decided to drink my tea in the kitchen this time, sitting at one of the long tables in the dining area. Levi had joined me after a while, having come to make tea of his own. “We have to stop meeting like this,” I said, trying to crack a joke and lighten the mood. He did not seem amused, so I looked away and stared into my cup, thoroughly embarrassed. He sat down beside me without a word and just stared at me for a moment. He waited for me to notice him looking, looked down at my cup, and then back up at me. I got the hint and handed him my cup to taste. He took a sip and returned my cup to me, saying, “Not bad. I see you took my advice on the duration of your steep.” “I did, and you were right. It wasn’t nearly strong enough last night.” He smirked ever so slightly for a moment before speaking again, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re not like any other woman I have ever met before. But then again, neither is Hange.” “Ouch,” I said with a chuckle. “I warned you not to take offense.” We sat there in silence for a few moments longer before I got up from the table. “It is getting pretty late. I should probably get to bed, I don’t need the guys commenting on my beauty sleep tomorrow morning.” I chuckled again before heading for the door. “Rheagan,” Levi said. I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him. “Next time try adding some honey to your tea. It works wonders for me.” He left me with that thought, and I headed up to my room. It was clear that Levi most likely made tea and wandered the grounds every night, as I did most nights. So I determined that that would be when I would bump up my flirting. It was always just him and I, so I didn’t have to worry about anyone else watching in on us. I entered the room Petra and I shared only to be met with a yelp from the copper haired girl. “Rheagan! I’ve been waiting up for you. I can’t believe what happened during breakfast today!” She said blushing. She must’ve still been embarrassed for kicking Gunther when she was trying to play footsie. “Listen, don’t beat yourself up about it.” “How can I not! I tried to be all cute and flirty but I ended up kicking Gunther instead! Ugh!” She plopped down on her bed, arms sprawled out and staring at the ceiling. “I sat down on my bed, indian style, and gave her more advice. “I didn’t think that it went that bad. It just seemed like a harmless accident, not that you were trying to flirt and it just went downhill. Just relax your nerves and try again tomorrow.” She looked at me, nodded, and then rolled over and went to sleep. The tea I drank was already kicking in as I felt myself drifting off. I was still getting used to working alongside my best friends, and working so closely with Levi. I was happier than I had been in a very long time. I was excited to be planning our very first expedition outside the walls and our first mission as Squad Levi. I was sure as hell going to do my very best to protect my squad mates and make sure we all get back alive. I had never experienced an actual titan first hand, so I had to be sure I was ready for anything. As usual, the last thing on my mind was Levi. It sounds pathetic, but he’s really the number one reason I am happy. Without him, I would’ve never been motivated to join the scouts, and I would’ve never met the close friends I have now. And of course, the fact that I was falling for him, but we already knew that. Everything that I now have to live for is because of Levi. Then I thought, could things actually work between us? Would it be weird with the rest of the squad? Would they think he was playing favorites? Who knows? I may never know the answer to those questions, but at least in my dreams, I can pretend I know what it’s like to be loved by Levi Ackerman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the story being kind of slow, but there is a lot of story to be told so I want to make sure I get every last detail! As always comments and kudos are appreciated. I love hearing feedback from you all! Thanks :)


	7. The First Kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's squad Levi's first mission outside the walls. Tension build between its members, but can everyone keep a level head and get along?

It has been a few weeks since we first arrived at the Scouting Headquarters. I was finally getting adjusted to my new home, my teammates, and my new schedule. We had all been planning the next Scouting Expedition since we got here. Every day we would meet with Erwin and Hange to go over our strategy, formation, and objective. We wanted to be swift about getting out there and seeing just what we were dealing with. Ever since wall Maria was breached and we lost all of that land, it’s been really difficult for the remaining population. Erwin wanted to explore the land, see how much we could salvage, and possibly reclaim wall Maria for our own.  It would definitely take more than one expedition to reclaim the wall, but that was our end goal. I was nervous to go outside of the walls, as I had never experienced an actual titan before. But I was also anxious to discover exactly what else was out there, and to finally be able to call myself a true scout. It was invigorating to know that I was fighting for something bigger than myself. I would have the chance to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves, and to protect my teammates and my friends. Levi had called us all down to his office to go over our strategy and formation once more. We all huddled around his desk over a map of the land. Levi stood behind his desk, I stood beside him, Gunther next to me, Petra next to Gunther at the front of the desk, Oluo was next to Petra, and Eld closed the circle on the other side of Levi. “Alright, I want everyone’s full attention during the entire expedition. There’s to be no horsing around, we all need to be at our most alert and bring our A game. This is our first expedition outside the walls as a team, and I have no doubt in our ability to work together effectively. This is what you’ve all been training for,” Levi said. He turned to Eld, “Eld, I want you at the end of our formation. You’re good on a horse and you’re going to be essential in keeping everyone together. You are to make sure no one falls behind, not that any of you would.” He then turned to Oluo, “Oluo you will be on the left side. You will be managing the smoke signals. It is imperative that you remain alert and fire signals at the appropriate time. These signals are our only means of communicating with the rest of the scouts in formation.” Petra looked at Levi as he spoke, and then at me. She looked nervous, scared even. But then again, we all did. Maybe we weren’t scared so much, but rather critical. We all had keen instincts and I could tell each and every one of us was expecting the best, but preparing for the worst. I think the worst part of it all was the not knowing—not knowing what to expect, not knowing if you would make it back alive. “Petra,” Levi called, and Petra straightened up. “You will be on the right side. I want you to be a lookout for any titan activity from the outer lines of the formation. You will aid in directing our squad away from any incoming titans. Gunther you will be towards the rear and next to Eld. You’re good at pushing forward, so I want you to be ready to ride off and inform Erwin if anything important comes up.” Gunther nodded, and Levi turned his gaze to me. There was a short pause between Levi assigning Gunther a position and him speaking to me. “Rheagan, you will be positioned in the center, directly behind me. Your ability to operate ODM gear and your skill in combat means that you will be our tank. Aside from that, your quick thinking and accurate intuition will be of great use. You often see things and come up with ideas that others don’t and I want you close by—to be my second pair of eyes.” Levi straightened his posture and addressed us one last time before we departed, “Before we leave, I want you all to know that we are a team. We work as a team. With that being said, trust your gut and use your brain. Not a single one of you is allowed to die today.” He turned to look out his window, “You’re dismissed.” As we all began to file out of the room, I heard, “Rheagan, you need to stay for a moment longer. I want to discuss something with you.” Oh man, I was probably going to get scolded. I had no idea what I had done, but Gunther and I exchanged worrisome looks and he left me there with Levi.

I turned to Levi, and when the door to his office was shut, he turned to me from looking out the window. He walked out from behind his desk and approached me. He got close enough to make it personal, but he was far enough away that it wasn’t uncomfortable. “Your skills are nearly comparable to my own, which is why I didn’t hesitate to make you the first addition to my squad.” He started to walk toward the window again, his back towards me now, “You are always on top of your training and your work around headquarters, and you offer information and ideas that could be valuable to the squad. I would like you to be my unofficial second in command.” He turned to look at me once more, his silhouette illuminated by the sunlight beaming through the window behind him. It was almost like he was cloaked in a golden veil, making his image seem darker than usual, yet his eyes still shone like platinum and his stare shot right through me. He walked towards me as he spoke again, “You always seem to keep a level head and a clear mind, even in the toughest situations. You’re calm and collected, and the squad could use that in times of stress. This expedition will be a trial run for this position. If you prove to me that you can handle anything that is thrown at you with a clear mind and quick thinking, I will make your promotion official.” I stood there, trapped in that moment. I never thought Levi would be asking me to be his second in command. I had only been here a short while, but I was honored that he trusted me enough to bestow that kind of responsibility on me. I came to when I heard his voice, “Starke.” Thumping hard, my pulse quickened and my blood carried a rush of adrenaline through my veins. My whole body felt like it was numb and vibrating faster than the speed of sound all at the same time. My eyes grew wide and lit up, my lips curling upward into a grin that spread from ear to ear. I nearly let out a squeal, but instead I simply said, “Of course. My apologies, Levi. I was just, taken by surprise. It would be my honor to accept the position of your second in command.” “Good, I’m glad we are on the same page. Now get going, we don’t need you holding up the entire expedition.” I left his office and shut the door quietly.

I hastily made my way to the stables to meet up with the others, fastening my ODM gear as I walked. I saw Gunther helping Petra with her saddle as Oluo struggled with his. I was hoping Gunther and Petra would just kiss already, as the romantic tension between those two was overwhelming at times. But it would look like I would have to wait for that one, as Gunther saw me and hurried over to ask me about my reprimanding from Levi. “Hey! Rheagan! So what happened with Levi? Did he yell at you?” I couldn’t tell him the truth, so I made up a believable lie on the spot, “I wouldn’t say he yelled at me, per say. More like, lectured me on how to properly sweep the corridors.” Gunther and I shared a laugh, and he walked me over to the stables. I don’t know how he managed to do it, but somehow Levi had made it past Gunther and I undetected and was already mounted and ready to go. He glared at me rather coldly for a reason that I neither knew nor understood. I felt slightly uncomfortable by said glare, so I stuck with Gunther, who had no problem being my shoulder to lean on. After mounting our horses and beginning our ride to the outer wall, I vented to Gunther about Levi giving being so hot and cold with me. We were far enough out of Levi’s earshot where I felt safe talking about it. “Maybe he just doesn’t like you. He can’t really say he doesn’t like you because that would make him biased as a leader, so he just pretends to be civil with you.” I highly doubt that was it. Gunther didn’t see how Levi and I interacted with each other behind closed doors. It was like he was 2 different people. For some reason, Gunther seemed a little intimidated by Levi, so I placated him, “Yeah, maybe that’s it. I don’t know why he wouldn’t like me, though.” “I don’t know either. Everyone seems to generally like you. I mean, you’re my best friend, so you must be doing something right.” He was trying to make me feel better, and it worked. I cracked a smile, and he said, “There we go! That’s much better.” He smiled back at me before Levi turned and yelled, “Hey you two! Let’s keep our attention on the mission.” He glared at me again, just like before. His expression felt cold at first, but it then became somewhat gloomy as he turned to face front. Petra rode her way up to Levi and it looked like she was having a rather interesting conversation with the Captain. She looked like she was talking about something she was super passionate about, though I didn’t know what it was. Her eyes lit up and her face was gleaming with excitement, a huge smile across her face. This was rather odd, since we were about to head out on our first expedition, but maybe this was just Petra’s way of easing her nerves. Levi didn’t seem too enthused with the conversation, and when he heard Gunther and I chuckling slightly at the sight of the two of them, he glared at me yet again with a cold, then almost sad expression. Gunther and I looked at each other and Gunther rolled his eyes before we both faced forward as well. I’ve always had a very keen sense of the emotions and mental states of those around me. I could tell that Gunther was annoyed, Petra was nervous though she tried to act excited, Oluo was kind of clueless and arrogant as always, Eld was very focused, and Levi was—bitter? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it was an uneasy feeling.

As we approached the entrance to Wall Rose all the scouts got into formation. Levi directed us toward the front of the group, as Erwin spoke to us all, “Today marks the beginning of our mission to reclaim  Wall Maria. We will scout the land and gain all the information we can before we make our way to the entry point. It will take us a good amount of time, and many expeditions, but I have full confidence in the ability of you all. Today is the first expedition beyond the wall for many of you. I know you are nervous, but we are all part of a team. We work together to protect each other. Place your faith in your team mates and in yourself. Be confident and be alert.” Erwin waved upwards, signaling for the wall guards to open the gates. “Onward!” Erwin pointed as his horse reared, and we all pushed forward and out of the confines of the wall. Erwin, Hange, Mike, and Rico were the group in the front of the formation, with Squad Levi behind them in the center of the formation. Our main mission was to gather as much information as we could about the area in order to formulate a plan to retake Wall Maria. It wasn’t long before the titans started following behind the Scouts. They approached from the left side, but they hadn’t yet reached our squad. We saw a red smoke signal just beyond some trees that blocked our view of the left wing. Red meant titan activity. Without turning around, Levi yelled, “Oluo! Give off the signal!” And with that, Oluo shot off a green smoke signal, alerting rest of the scouts that we were shifting to the right to avoid any further titan interaction. Out of nowhere, a titan came out from behind the trees. It must’ve been 10 meters tall. It ran at us quickly, but it couldn’t catch up to us. We were all pushing forward as the titan trailed behind, waiting for a command from Levi. But a command never came. I looked to Petra, who was scared shitless. They were all scared, and I was too, but I kept my mind on the mission. The titan on our tail started gaining on us. “Levi!” I yelled and he turned to look at me. He nodded and exclaimed, “Alright, we aren’t going to outrun this thing. Rheagan is in charge for the time being. Eld! See to my horse.” And with that he took off to fight the titan. We didn’t pay any mind to the battle going on behind us and just focused on pushing forward. I felt something wasn’t right. I figured the titan that Levi was fighting had probably stopped moving in order to protect itself, but I still felt the ground shaking. I closed my eyes and listened to the thumping of the of the earth. I heard rustling in the leaves, and more than 1 pair of giant footsteps gaining on us. I looked to my left, and almost in slow motion, I saw a titan peer through the branches of the trees beside us. “Gunther, ride off and alert Erwin that the titans are surrounding us quickly.” He nodded approvingly and rode off ahead of us. “Eld! Take the front! Petra and Oluo, follow Eld’s lead. Do not break formation!” I took off towards the forest. The titan hadn’t yet emerged from the woods, but it was still trailing us. I maneuvered my way through the first row of trees and perched upon a branch. I whistled to the titan, pulling its attention away from the rest of the squad and onto myself. It quickly changed directions and started chasing after me. I led it far enough away from the group before quickly changing my own direction and extending my blades out to sever the titan’s nape as it passed by me on my left. I didn’t manage to escape its hand as it flailed from my strike. I was knocked into the trunk of a tall tree and fell several feet, managing to hit every branch on the way down. I think I had broken a few ribs and sprained my wrist, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. That was my first kill. It was exhilarating, and totally bad ass. But I didn’t let it distract me from the mission. I made my way to the edge of the forest and tried to catch up to the rest of my squad. As I flew through the air with my ODM gear, Levi trailed the edge of the forest and we both made our way back to the others together. Toward the end, Eld slowed down enough and met with Levi to give him my horse before riding back up to the rest of the squad. Levi positioned my horse and slowed enough for me to release from the trees and mount my horse. Without so much as a look, we both rejoined our squad and assumed formation.

There were several more titans, and as the sun began to set, their numbers dwindled. Once the sun had set, Erwin decided to end the expedition. We had gained a good deal of information from the land and the number of titans we encountered. We had also lost a good handful of soldiers, which was 1 handful too many. There were countless injuries as well, and Erwin didn’t want any more casualties, so we counted this expedition as a success for the time being, and headed back to Headquarters. When we returned, We all stabled our horses and made it in for the night. I headed to the infirmary, where I continued to bandage myself up, apply a medicinal salve to my scrapes and bruises, and apply ice to my apparent broken ribs. I didn’t want the rest of the squad knowing I got hurt. I didn’t want them to worry or give me shit about it. I was trying to be as secretive as I could with my wounds, but somehow it never works out as I plan. I literally bumped into Levi as I made my way back to my room. It was very difficult for me not to yelp in pain, seeing as Levi’s elbow had made contact with my injured ribcage. Even though I hid it fairly well, he knew something was off. Without a word, he lifted my shirt just enough to see the bandages on my abdomen. He looked furious. I was about to get ripped a new one. He grabbed me by my injured wrist and pulled me into his office. “Why the hell didn’t you think it was important to inform me of your injuries?” “I—“ “And why the hell did you go off on your own out there? Don’t be a hero, Starke. It’ll get you killed.” And before he could get another word in, I went off. “That’s kind of the whole point. I went off on my own because I was the only one that saw that titan, and I knew I only had a split second to react. Had I taken someone else with me, formation would’ve been broken entirely and the others would’ve been left on their own. At least Eld has some experience in this and could’ve led them had another titan appeared before you returned. Gunther, Petra and Oluo have never experienced an actual titan. Granted, neither have I, but they have families to go back to. I don’t. That doesn’t mean I’m going to be reckless and just risk my life willy-nilly. It just means that I value their lives just as much as mine, and I had the opportunity to act where they did not. I do what I can when I can to protect others.” He just stared at me, wide eyed, not saying a word. I’m guessing he did not expect me to lash back at him. I had always been quiet and respectful, but I am not afraid to speak my mind. He finally mustered up the will to speak, “That doesn’t excuse your reckless actions.” I thought I was done for at this point. “However, you performed well enough under pressure and have certainly proved to me that you can act at least somewhat rationally and skillfully enough to manage being second in command—for now.” I was surprised at how well that went. Levi continued to speak, “With that being said, I am impressed with your performance today, seeing as this was your first mission outside the walls. Keep up the good work, but remember your place in this squad. You still follow my orders, and you will answer to me if you step out of line.” He knew that I wouldn’t. It wasn’t because I was scared of him, but rather because he knew I wasn’t that type of person. I respected Levi, and whether he liked to admit it, he respected me, too. He knew he wouldn’t have any problems with me, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have a little fun with it. He dismissed me from his office and I made my way to bed, thoroughly exhausted not only from the mission, but also from my wounds and that tiff I had with Levi. Petra was nowhere to be seen when I got to our room, but I wasn’t too concerned about that as I barely made it to my bed before collapsing and starting to drift off. If ever I was to get a good night’s sleep, it would be tonight. Right before I fell asleep, I could hear someone outside my door. The voice sounded familiar, but my head was so fuzzy I couldn’t make out whose voice it was. I was able to make out only bits and pieces of the conversation, but the few parts I heard were; “..tell Rheagan…I don’t know…likes Levi…that’s insane!” Then there was a _shhh!_ The last thing I remember before passing out was a figure walking into my room, but I can’t make out their face. Oh, fuck…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter wasn't too difficult to follow. When I write it's like I'm narrating an episode of the anime that is playing in my head but it's not always as fluid on paper as it is in my head. As always comments are greatly appreciated. Again sorry for not posting in a while, I've had a lot going on lately but I should be able to post more soon! Thanks :)


	8. Triangles: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rheagan finds out some need to know information as she picks apart and pieces together the lives of her squad-mates as well as herself.

Shit shit shit! What was I going to do?! Petra totally knew about my feelings for Levi, and apparently so does someone else in my squad seeing as she was having a conversation with someone about it right outside our room. Maybe she’s planning to confront me about it? I have no idea, but I needed to nip this in the bud as soon as humanly possible. When I woke up, Petra was not in bed. Great, now I have to hunt her down and figure this all out! But I don’t even know for sure if that’s what she was talking about. How could it not be? She mentioned both me and Levi, and _liking._ I really need to figure out who it was she was talking to. I’m done for if Levi finds out I have feelings for him. I might never be able to look at him again, let alone he look at me. He’d probably have me transferred off the squad! God damn, this is a total disaster! Why did I have to fall in love with Levi! Why couldn’t I have fallen in love with Gunther or something? Ugh! Alright Rheagan, breathe. We’re going to figure this out. Okay, so who could Petra have been talking to? Probably not Oluo, seeing as he visibly irritates her half the time, and she doesn’t hold back when teasing him. Not Eld, because I’ve never seen them have a casual conversation on their own before. So that only leaves Gunther. He’s probably pissed that I didn’t tell him about my feelings for Levi earlier, seeing as he is my best friend and we pretty much tell each other everything, right down to the nitty gritty details. Just the other day Gunther was telling me a story about his hour long adventure in the bathroom where he finally expelled a foot-long shit from his bowels—or so he says. I don’t know how I’m going to explain this one to him, but I know that he’s the one I should talk to first. He’s more rational when it comes to these things, and I know he wouldn’t want me kicked off the squad so he’d stay quiet if I asked him to. I had to find him, fast, and I knew just where he’d be. I ran as fast as I could to the kitchen, where I found my frivolous friend sitting behind his usual mound of miscellaneous foods. I ran up behind him and slammed both palms on the table to stop myself. “Gunther!” I yelled, and he nearly choked on his food. “Jesus, Rheagan! Where’s the fire?” “Gunther I need to talk to you immediately. It’s super important and it needs to be private. Meet me in the stables as soon as you’re finished eating.”

I quickly made my way out of the kitchen and to the stables, where I anxiously paced back and forth awaiting Gunther. When he finally arrived, I nearly pounced on him. “Gunther, this is very important so I need you to listen carefully. You and Petra were having a conversation outside my bedroom door last night. I need to know what it was you were talking about and who you heard this information from?” “Uh, jeez, Rheagan. I think you should talk to Petra about that. She wanted to be the first to—“ “Gunther, please tell me. I can’t find Petra anyways and this has been eating me up. I barely slept last night.” He hesitated, so I put on my best puppy dog eyes and folded my hands in front of my face, “Please.” “Gah! Alright I’ll tell you.” He leaned in real close, as if it were some top secret information, “Petra wanted to tell you that she has a crush on Levi, but she didn’t know how you would react. She didn’t want you to judge her for having a crush on the Captain, but I told her you weren’t that kind of person. She’s going to take your advice and try flirting with him, or something like that.” My heart stopped and I was frozen in time. This is not at all what I was expecting to hear. Though I was relieved that no one knew about my feelings for Levi, I was devastated that one of my closest friends, my roommate of all people, is falling in love with him too. And I was also feeling like an idiot, seeing as I thought she liked Gunther this whole time. “Uh..Rheagan?” Gunther’s voice dragged me out of my mini mental breakdown and I kind of had verbal diarrhea. “Wait wait wait. I thought..but you..weren’t you and Petra a thing? I thought you both liked each other and now suddenly she likes Levi?” “Woah woah woah! You thought she liked me?” He let out a boisterous laugh, “No way! I’m honestly surprised that you didn’t catch on before I did. She makes it so obvious. Even Oluo has caught on. He’s even starting to act more like the Captain in order to win Petra over!” Then it all hit me at once. All the times I thought she was trying to flirt with Gunther, she was really trying to flirt with Levi. That time when she accidentally kicked Gunther in the shin at the breakfast table and I thought she was trying to play footsie with him, she was really trying to play footsie with Levi. That time she was riding so close to Levi before our first expedition, too. And she’s always looking at him, following his every order to a tee, undoubtedly trying to impress him. How could I not have noticed! Maybe I was too focused on my own feelings for Levi that I didn’t notice Petra’s. “God I feel like such an idiot!” I plopped down on a bench and sat there with my head in my hands. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve been really preoccupied lately. I can tell. Also, word on the grapevine is you got promoted! Congrats!” I sat up from my slump and tried to put on a genuine looking smile, “Oh, yeah. Thanks! Word sure does get around fast.” _Seriously, It’s been like 18 hours since it was made official. How does he even know that I got promoted?_ “You never cease to amaze me,” Gunther said as he gave me a playful slap on the back. I never realized how strong he was until I was nearly knocked off the bench from his slap. We both laughed it off, and then he said something quite unexpected, “Hey, Rheagan. Not to sound all mushy or anything, but I miss when we used to hang out and goof off all the time. I feel like with everything that has been going on you and I haven’t really hung out in a while. We should change that.” I smiled at him, “Yeah, I’d like that.” “Great! Eld and I are going out into town later on if you want to tag along? We can get back to our shenanigans, just like the good old days!” We laughed together for a while, reminiscing on our days in the training academy, jokes and pranks we would pull on each other. It reminded me why Gunther and I are such good friends; we always have so much fun together. “I’m going to go get all my shit done so that we can leave sooner. I’ll see you!” Gunther took off, and I did the same. When I was alone I let out a deep sigh of relief. I was just glad no one had discovered my secret. I could rest easy, for now at least.

I wanted to get all of my work around the castle done quickly so that I wasn’t holding the guys up later on. However, I headed for the library to pick up some light reading for the nights where I found myself awake when the rest of the world was asleep. I wanted to find some astronomy books, as well as some books on human anatomy. As passionate as I was about the stars, I also had a love for combat. I feel so alive when I’m fighting. I feel unstoppable. I wanted to learn all the weak spots on the human body, including pressure points and techniques that I could apply to my fighting. I’m always looking for ways to improve myself. I took my intellectual bounty and made my way to the door. On my way out, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a plain notebook filled with lined paper. I snagged that, too, and brought all the books to my room and placed them on my bookshelf. I kept the notebook in the drawer of my bedside table, along with a pencil. I didn’t know yet what I would write in that notebook, but I had a feeling I was going to need it. It wasn’t long before I finished all my assigned duties for the day and I was free to go into town with Gunther and Eld. I waited for them in the commons. I sat in the grass and closed my eyes, felt the breeze graze over my face, carrying the sweet perfume of the wildflowers in the meadow along with it. I felt the warmth of the sun kiss my face, and I smiled. It was a beautiful day, and a perfect day for a trip into town. “Oi! Starke.” I heard his voice coming from a short distance away. He made his way over here before I opened my eyes to greet him. “There are streaks all over the windows in your room, and the cleaning you did in the library is abysmal. Did no one show you the proper way to dust a bookshelf?” “Uh, sorry. I’ve never had a bookshelf to dust before. Let me go redo it.” As I got up from the ground and dusted myself off, he hit me with another question, “What are you doing out here all by yourself? Don’t you have something better to do than to just sit in the grass? You tend to do that quite often, don’t you?” “I just like the solitude sometimes. I was actually waiting on Gunther and Eld. We were supposed to take a ride into town.” “Huh. Well there’s a few things I need in town, now that you mention it. We’re all out of parchment and ink, not to mention cleaner and rags.” “Would you like me to pick some up for you while we’re out?” “No, that’s quite alright. I’ll just tag along. I’m fairly picky when it comes to my cleaning products. And I’ve been meaning to clear up a few things for Erwin anyways.” He turned away and started walking back towards the castle, “I’ll meet you out here by the carriage in 15 minutes.” Now I’ve gotten myself into a pickle. Gunther probably won’t be pleased, either. He and I were supposed to just be hanging out, goofing off like we used to back in the academy. That probably won’t happen now that the Captain is going to be around. _Sigh._ I guess there’s always tomorrow. I continued to wait until Gunther and Eld showed up. “So, you ready to go?” Gunther asked me. “Actually, there’s been a change of plans.” “Oh boy. Typical Rheagan. Ok, what’d you do this time?” “Hey! It’s not my fault, ok. I was just sitting here, minding my own business when all of a sudden the Captain walks up to me and reams me out about how shitty my cleaning is. Then he demands to know what I’m doing sitting out here on my lonesome, and I wasn’t going to lie to him, so I told him we were going into town. Next thing I know he’s insisting on tagging along. I wasn’t going to tell the guy he couldn’t come.” “Yikes. Well, we can still have fun. Who knows, maybe you and I can drag the fun out of ol’ Cap’n.” He let out a loud laugh, and I couldn’t help but giggle at his joke. Even Eld thought it was funny. I really missed my best friend. Gunther was right, we really haven’t seen much of each other, other than with work around the castle and Scouting missions. And Eld was pretty cool, too. He seemed really quiet and dry, but once you got him to open up it’s like he’s the life of the party. No wonder he and Gunther get along so well. “Hey!” I heard a high pitched voice coming from the castle. It was Petra. She was waving us down as she ran over. She finally stopped in front of Gunther, bent over with her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. “Hey * _pant pant*_ What are you guys all doing out here? Am I late for some kind of squad meeting or something?” “No, no. Not at all,” I replied. “We are waiting to head into town.” “What are you waiting for?” She asked. Gunther chimed in, “We’re waiting on Captain Levi. I guess he’s got some stuff to do and wants to come with us.” “How come nobody asked me to come? I’d love to get out of here for a little while.” “Sure, you can come too if you like. I suppose we should ask Oluo if he wants to come?” “Yeah, ok! I’ll go see if I can find him.” Petra went off in search of Oluo. I hoped she could find him quick, because I could see Levi approaching us. He looked eager to leave. “Alright, then. Let’s get going. I’ve got a lot of important business to attend to and I’d rather get it done sooner rather than later.” “We’re just waiting on Petra and Oluo now. They wanted to come, too.” I told him. He just let out a soft sigh and said, “I’m going to wait in the carriage. Let me know when you’re all ready to leave.” It wasn’t long before Petra and Oluo found their way back over and we were on our way.

I was very excited to get into town. I hadn’t been in so long. I wanted to buy a little pastry and maybe some loose tea. It was also fun to spend time with all of my squad-mates outside of just work. I was like a squad Levi field trip. I laughed quietly to myself, but Gunther caught me laughing and nudged me, giving me a playful smirk. I returned both the nudge and the smirk before turning my head to watch the landscape roll by outside the window. Within just a few minutes, we arrived in the center of town and exited the carriage. Levi spoke to us before we all went our separate ways, “Alright. I don’t want any of you getting into trouble. I’ve got some things to attend to but it won’t take long. Expect to meet back here in an hour.” And with that, he was off. Petra went into a little boutique not far from the carriage. Next to it was a bookstore, which I’m sure she would hit next. Eld and Gunther all went into a nearby pub where there was music playing. Oluo was mesmerized by a couple of street performers and con artists, determined to show them that he could not be tricked. I stopped by a local bakery to get something sweet. There were trays piled high with all sorts of confections. There were chocolate chip cookies, macaroons, and my personal favorite, raspberry thumbprint cookies. I purchased a couple of the thumbprints and a hot cup of black tea with honey, which was now my new favorite. I took my tea and my treats and walked about the small town. I enjoyed watching the children playing, people working, everyone having their own little lives. It was peaceful, despite a great deal of people still recovering from the fall of Wall Maria. I soon found myself wandering toward a familiar place: the old chapel. I didn’t intend to come this way, but it must’ve been muscle memory. I found myself looking through the windows into the empty chapel. The light shone through the windows and illuminated the inside of the building so beautifully. I felt a great joy flow over me as I saw my old friend, sitting in the corner of the old building, looking as dashing as ever. I walked through the doorway of the chapel and over to the baby grand piano, taking care to wipe the dust from its withered body. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” I said aloud to the instrument. I ran a hand over the top, taking in its beauty. Then I remembered, I still had the key the minister gave me to unlock the piano. I nearly shrieked with excitement as I placed my tea and bag of goodies on the nearest windowsill and pulled a tiny key from a small bag I kept in my coat pocket. I carefully inserted the key into the small lock at the front of the piano and turned it slowly. I heard it click and lifted the cover to reveal those ever familiar 88 keys. I took a deep breath to calm myself as I placed my hands atop the keys, my right hand at treble C and my left at bass C. I played a C major chord, pretty basic. Then I split the chord, very melodic. I felt at home when I was playing the piano. I felt like all my worries just washed away, and I felt at peace with the world. I began to hum a song that I must’ve heard once before. I listened to the pitch of my voice and matched it to the pitch of the keys. I added supporting notes, formed chords and the harmonies. After probably 10 or 15 minutes, I had the song down pat. I took a deep breath and I started to play, singing along with the piano.

_Love me tender, love me sweet. Never let me go._

_You have made my life complete, and I love you so._

_Love me tender, love me true. All my dreams fulfilled._

_For my darling, I love you. And I always will…_

I trailed off as I felt tears well up in my eyes. I didn’t even know I remembered this song. I don’t know what made me think of it, but I just kept going.

 _Love me tender_ , _love me dear. Tell me you are mine._

_I’ll be yours through all the years, ‘till the end of time._

_Love me tender, love me true. All my dreams fulfilled._

_For my darling, I love you. And I always will._

_Love me tender, love me true. All my dreams fulfilled._

_For my darling, I love you. And I always will…_

I let out a laugh, out of sheer euphoria. I was smiling bigger than I think I ever had before. I was happy. Now that I remembered this piano was here, I would be taking a lot more trips into town. I can’t let this slip away again. I have to keep playing, it’s part of who I am. I heard a footstep behind me and I whipped my head around. I was startled to see Levi standing in the doorway to the chapel, just looking at me. He looked astonished, almost sad. “I’m sorry. I know I probably wandered too far.” _How long had he been standing there. Oh, God. I hope he didn’t hear me singing!_ He just looked at me for a minute before asking me, “Where did you hear that song?” “I..Uh. When I was a child, I heard a woman singing this song late at night. I was very young, but somehow I still remember it.” There was a brief pause, then I continued to speak, “It was very beautiful, she had a lovely voice. I remember falling asleep to her song.” He walked over to me and placed a hand on top of the piano. He looked out the window and just stood there, staring for a moment. He must’ve been lost in thought. “Why do you ask?” I asked him. He lifted his hand from the piano and turned his head toward me. “We should be going,” he said as he made his way to the door. I could see the sadness in his eyes, hear it in his voice. I could tell that, whatever it was, he was repressing it. He never was the type to show his emotions. I grabbed my pastries and my tea and headed out as well. He waited at the chapel entrance for me. We walked back to the carriage together in perfect silence. I wanted to know what he was thinking, but I knew better than to ask. The rest of the squad was already waiting at the carriage for us. Petra and Gunther were talking, while Eld basked in the sunlight and Oluo sat twiddling his thumbs. It seemed that Petra and Gunther were sharing a few jokes, as they both were laughing as Levi and I walked closer. She turned her head just as the two of us walked into view, and I saw the smile on her face dim just enough where you could notice, but not enough where she looked upset. Now that I knew she had feelings for Levi, it was much easier to spot the signs. Gunther seemed to quiet down as Levi and I got closer, too, though I haven’t the slightest idea why. Maybe I’d done something to upset him? Who knows. All I knew is that I was happy and I had found a piece of myself again. And I finally knew what to do with that blank notebook. As we all piled onto the carriage, I saw Levi was carrying a bundle of papers. How had I not noticed those before? I shrugged it off as unimportant and just enjoyed the ride home. The ride seemed much quieter than before. Petra sat with her head resting on her fist, Oluo fell asleep, Eld stared at the ceiling and Gunther stared out the window. I had a sinking feeling that I missed something that must’ve made everyone upset. Either that or I’m just being paranoid. I sat opposite of Levi. I watched him as he stared out the window of the carriage, a somber expression on his face. I felt bad. For whatever reason, my whole squad was unhappy. Levi was unhappy. All I wanted was for him to be happy and carefree. I motioned to place a hand on his knee, fully intending to ask him what was wrong. Before I got the chance to do either I heard a large _THUD_ and then felt a huge bump. Suddenly the carriage felt uneven and I slid into Gunther. He scowled at me momentarily before realizing and asking if I was alright. I asked him the same thing. He wrapped an arm around me so that we both weren’t so squished. Finally we all got out of the carriage, Gunther helping me down. Levi let out a big sigh, “This is just wonderful. The carriage couldn’t have shit the bed when we got back to base? Now I’m going to have to fix this mess. This whole trip is turning into one giant shit show.” When I looked over I realized that one of the wheels had popped right off. We were stuck..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not posting in a few weeks. I've had quite a lot of family stuff going on and I haven't had the time or the energy to write. I hope you all like how the story is going so far!


	9. Triangles: Part 2

It was a typical Tuesday morning. Tuesdays were deep cleaning days. Everyone had a job to do and I was intent on making sure it was done correctly. The cold season is rolling in and the last thing I need is a bunch of brats spreading the flu around like wildfire simply because of inadequate disinfecting. I had some paperwork to do before my meeting with Erwin. We were already planning another expedition within the next few days. I don’t quite know what he’s up to, exactly, but I trust his decisions. Hange has been pestering him to let her capture titans to experiment and research on, but I know he won’t agree. The human population is so low right now that any mishaps with titan captives could be devastating. I was also on inspection duty. I was to make sure that everyone’s jobs were done and that they were done correctly. We hadn’t yet announced that we were planning another expedition, but we needed to assure that everything was in order here before we could head out. I inspected the quarters of each of my squad members. Eld was typically tidy, so his room was well made. Gunther was, for lack of better words, kind of a slob. I tried my best to drill into his head the importance of cleanliness, but he never seemed to get it. What a numbskull.. Oluo didn’t really make any messes to be cleaned, so his space was fine. I checked Petra and Rheagan’s room last. I’ve found that women are usually more tidy than men, except for Hange, of course. That damn woman has to be reminded to bathe. It’s rather disgusting if you ask me. Their room was quite well kept. Rheagan has seemed to be the cleanest out of everyone so far. There was a spot for everything and it seemed that everything was in its place. I noticed some grime on her windows. Tsk, disgusting. That would need to be rewashed immediately. I checked under both their beds, and both were free of debris. The floor was swept nicely and the trash was emptied. Besides the windows it wasn’t a bad cleaning job. Along with being tasked to clean their own rooms, each of my soldiers was tasked with cleaning another room in the castle—the kitchen, or the library, for instance. Rheagan was on library duty. It was the most extensive to clean and I figured she would do the best job. I’ve noticed she pays attention to detail without sacrificing the bigger picture. That’s a good quality to have, a useful one at that. I checked everyone’s cleaning jobs, and not without improvement needing to be done. Oluo was on the kitchen and he neglected to empty the trashcans. Gunther had the stables, and while he swept and dusted well, he didn’t changes the horse’s drinking water or feed. The water was stagnant and no doubt festering with god knows what. Eld was in charge of the hallways. He swept everything quite nicely and dusted the frames that hung in the halls, but didn’t wash the windows properly as there were streaks left behind. The light fixtures were full of dead insects as well. Filthy. Petra had the bathrooms. All were generally clean, despite the drains remaining clogged and soap scum residue on the showerheads. The last I had to check was Rheagan. I made my way to the library and proceeded with my inspection. Upon first glance, it looked pretty decent. The books were kept neatly on their shelves. There were no loose papers lying around, pencils were sharpened and put away. Both the pencil sharpener and the trash cans were emptied, and the log book was in order. When I removed a book from its shelf, I was bombarded with a stifling cloud of dust. “What the hell!” I coughed a few times before catching my composure. “Gross. Does she really consider this clean? How pitiful.” I had noticed her sitting outside earlier, as she does so often. I marched my way outside to explain to her the definition of clean. “Oi! Starke.” I knew she heard me, but she just kept sitting there with her eyes closed and only opened them once I approached her. “There are streaks all over the windows in your room, and the cleaning you did in the library is abysmal. Did no one show you the proper way to dust a bookshelf?” She just stared for a moment with this dumbfounded look on her face. “Uh, sorry. I’ve never had a bookshelf to dust before. Let me go redo it.” Well that was painless. Not that I wanted it to be painful, I just know she can be snarky, so I was expecting a little bite back from her. I don’t know what compelled me to ask, because I usually couldn’t care less what my squad is doing, but I asked anyways, “What are you doing out here all by yourself? Don’t you have something better to do than to just sit in the grass? You tend to do that quite often, don’t you?” She replied rather quickly and without much thought. “I just like the solitude sometimes,” Fair enough. “I was actually waiting on Gunther and Eld. We were supposed to take a ride into town.” “Huh. Well there’s a few things I need in town, now that you mention it. We’re all out of parchment and ink, not to mention cleaner and rags.” I also had some private business I needed to attend to in town, but I wasn’t going to disclose that information to her. “Would you like me to pick some up for you while we’re out?” I had to come up with an excuse on the spot as to why I had to come along, “No, that’s quite alright. I’ll just tag along. I’m fairly picky when it comes to my cleaning products. And I’ve been meaning to clear up a few things for Erwin anyways.” That should be sufficient enough. I turned to walk back into the castle to sort some things out before we left. “I’ll meet you out here by the carriage in 15 minutes.” I didn’t want to waste any more time on this matter than was needed. And there was much more cleaning to be done, so I wanted to make this a quick trip. I ran into Erwin on the way back to my office. Instead of heading to my office, I followed him back to his. I guess he had some matters to discuss with me regarding our next expedition. He must’ve been able to sense my discomfort during our conversation because he stated out of the blue, “I know this is new for you, and you’re not used to it yet, but have faith in your squad. Trust them. They trust you entirely and give you everything they have to offer. You chose them for a reason, Levi. Listen to your instincts.” I was surprised by his comment, though he wasn’t wrong. I was slightly worried about how this would all work out. I knew that they were all outstanding soldiers, though I wasn’t quite sure how we would meld together as a team. I was also worried I would get too attached to them, form a bond. Soldiers come and go in the scouts, and I know that they are the best soldiers the Scouts has to offer, but things happen and they could be here one instance and gone the next. I don’t know how I would handle another loss of those I care for. But I supposed Erwin was right. I had to have faith in them as they have faith in me, and I had to trust my instincts. I did choose them for a reason, and I had to believe in my choice and the fact that everything happens in this world for a reason. Later on this evening, Erwin Hange and I would be finalizing details of the mission.

Everything was in order, or at least enough, so I decided now was as good a time as ever to head into town. I left the castle and headed out towards the carriage. Rheagan, Eld, and Gunther were all there waiting. “Alright then. Let’s get going. I’ve got a lot of important business to attend to and I’d rather get it done sooner rather than later.” “We’re just waiting on Petra and Oluo now. They wanted to come, too,” Rheagan explained. Of course, nothing is ever on schedule with this crew. I let out a soft sigh, “I’m going to wait in the carriage. Let me know when you’re all ready to leave.” I took a seat on the right side near the window, facing the front of the carriage. It took all of 5 minutes for the rest of them to climb in, and then we were off. I mostly stared out the window, watching the landscape roll by. This was going to be an interesting trip. We barely spent any time all together lately, besides when we are on missions and during meals. Who knows, it might be nice. It’ll definitely teach us all how to meld together. Before I knew it, we were stopped in the town’s center. As we all filed out of the carriage, I spoke up, “Alright, I don’t want any of you getting into trouble. I’ve got some things to attend to but it won’t take long. I assume you can all handle yourselves until then. Expect to meet back here in an hour.” I left them with that and took off to my intended destination. It wasn’t really work related, more just my curiosity. I knew something was off with Rheagan. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was something about her I couldn’t figure out. The others were quite easy to read most times, but not her. If she was going to be my part of my squad, let alone my second in command, there couldn’t be any surprises—no secrets. I had always trusted my gut instincts, so I had to follow through with this one. I made my way over to the town hall. I needed her records, any of them I could find. She was the only member of my squad I didn’t have extensive files on, but that was only because there weren’t really any given by the training academy upon her graduation. No family history, one previous address and place of employment, but that was it. She was a farm maid and lived in a small cottage on the outskirts of a town just outside of this one. There’s no family listed, and her records only go back about 10 years, when she would’ve been around 12 years old. Something doesn’t quite add up here. There had to be more to her than this. I do remember her telling me all her family had died. I don’t know what the cause of their death was, and I wasn’t going to ask, but I had a feeling it wasn’t of natural causes. Something had to have happened. No one’s entire family just dies out of the blue—there had to be some sort of accident. She’s also unusually instinctual. She fights like it’s her sole purpose in life, and someone who lived so humbly before joining the Scouts shouldn’t have that kind of skill. I waited rather impatiently at the front desk for the clerk to come assist me. I was getting frustrated that I had to wait so long, and the incessant ticking of the clock on the wall next to me was driving me borderline insane. After a few minutes more, the clerk finally came out from a room towards the back, likely where they keep all their files. “Aha! Captain Levi! To what do I owe the pleasure?” “I’m here to recover some files. I need all that you have on one Rheagan Starke.” “Sure thing. Just give me one moment, if you would.” “Of course, seeing as you haven’t already wasted my valuable time making me wait here for so long.” I was quite irritable, arguably irrationally so. My vernacular consisted almost entirely of sarcasm, but often times it couldn’t be helped. He returned within another few minutes with a small file holding just a few sheets of paper. “This is all you have?” “Yes, sir. This is all we’ve got on Ms. Starke.” He could see how displeased I was with this sad excuse of a file, and hesitated to ask, “Is there anything else I can help you with today?” “No, that will be all. Thank you for your time, clerk.”

I left the small building and went off to look for my squad. I was hoping they would be all wrapped up by the time I corralled them all together. I didn’t want to hesitate on diving into these files, though I didn’t think I would discover much that I didn’t already know. It wasn’t hard to spot Gunther and Eld. They were right where I had left them—outside a pub, though this time they were drunk out of their minds. I let them be for a little while longer, at least until I found the others. God knows it would’ve been a nightmare trying to get them to cooperate under that mindset, let alone help me find the others. Petra wasn’t too difficult to spot, either. She was carrying a few bags with her, probably some things she had bought at the local boutique. Oluo wasn’t trailing far behind her. I began to approach her, but when she saw me she approached me as well. “Captain! I’m so glad I ran into you! I heard you were in town to pick up some cleaning supplies, so I brought it upon myself to grab some while I was shopping!” She handed me a bag full of cleaner, sponges, and rags. “I also bought some jewelry and clothing, you know, to wear when we aren’t training and what not.” She let out a small laugh, and blushed slightly. She was so nonchalant about the whole thing—it was almost like she had forgotten all about our last expedition just week before. In the corner of my eye, I could see Oluo watching her—first with a smile on his face, and then the smile faded. I know my soldiers are still people and deserve to spoil themselves sometimes, but Petra was a little too comfortable, too relaxed. I don’t believe she fully grasped the severity of our situation and the importance of what we do. “Petra,” She stopped laughing and turned to look at me. “You are a soldier, and the job we do is of extreme importance. You seem to have forgotten that, and perhaps the danger that comes with that job. Please keep in mind that you are a soldier first and foremost, and you have a certain image to uphold. You can’t let your guard down for one second. I know it’s difficult to be tough and alert at all times, but that is what you signed up for when you joined the Scouts.” She seemed rather embarrassed by my little speech. There was one more thing I wanted to say, though I wasn’t sure if I should, “And also.. please keep in mind that, while you’re free to pursue any relationship you like, there is also a time and place for everything. We are all your squad mates first—and friends,” She stared at me horrified, “or more than friends, later. Don’t lose sight of what’s important. And don’t be stupid with your decisions.” I turned to Oluo and said, “You two are to meet me at the carriage in 15 minutes. We are heading back to the castle.” I walked away from them. Petra looked like she was on the brink of tears, and I was in no mood to deal with that. Oluo was there to comfort her if she needed it. I don’t know why she was so embarrassed; I was only looking out for her best interest. She would’ve gotten herself or someone else killed with that _looking-at-the-world-through-rose-colored-goggles_ attitude of hers. Gunther and Eld were starting to sober up when I walked back towards the carriage. I still had to find Rheagan. I had no idea where she would be. I saw her head in the direction of the bakery when we first got into town—it’s a start.

I headed in the direction of the bakery. I asked the local merchants if they had seen her—a woman with dark, silky hair that laid past her shoulders, deep hazel eyes, wearing a Scout uniform—pass through. The local baker said a girl matching her description purchased some pastries and an herbal tea from his shop. _Tea, huh? Had to be Rheagan_ , I thought to myself. I asked him if he had seen which direction she went, and he directed me east. I walked for a few minutes, with no sign of her. Suddenly, I felt a chill run down my spine. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood up straight, as if they were defying gravity. It was faint but unmistakable. I could hear a woman singing. It was beautiful. I thought I was having another flashback—a memory from my past in the underground, of my mother. I quickened my pace and followed the sound of that voice. As I got closer and closer I began to hear the sound of a piano, and I recognized the song she was singing. It was a song my mother used to sing to me, when she was still alive. It was almost 20 years ago, but I’d know that song anywhere. My search for the voice came to an end when I came across a chapel. The sound of her voice was definitely coming from the small building. I approached slowly, and I peeked through an opening that must’ve been a window. I didn’t want to interrupt her song, so I listened from afar. All I could see at first was a head of long, dark hair. As I got closer, I saw the woman was wearing military gear. _Impossible,_ I thought. I heard her voice waver ever so slightly—she was crying. Why was she crying? I walked past the windows, quietly, and through the open door. I walked in slowly and I stopped a few steps behind her, just watching in utter disbelief as she sang my mother’s lullaby. My eyes widened as I reminded myself to breathe, and I felt a tear run down my face. Her voice trailed off as the song came to an end. She let out a small laugh, and then she turned to face me. “Captain,” She let out, undoubtedly surprised that I was just standing there listening to her. I was still teary eyed. “I’m sorry. I know I probably wandered too far.” She didn’t know what she was just singing, how could she? How could she know that song? I had to know, “Rheagan. Where did you hear that song?” Her answer hit me like a back of bricks, “When I was a child, I heard a woman singing this song late at night. I was very young, but somehow I still remember it.” I found that I was at a loss for words. I tried to speak, but I just couldn’t. I was trying to take this all in. _Who the hell is this girl?_ I had a lot more work to do to figure her out, and I was more determined than ever to accomplish that. She spoke again, “It was very beautiful, she had a lovely voice. I remember falling asleep to her song.” I gathered my composure and motioned for the piano. I placed a hand on its top. I was facing the back window with my eyes closed, just taking in the fresh air and letting the cool breeze brighten me for a moment. “Why do you ask,” she must’ve sensed that things weren’t right with me. I lifted my hand from the large instrument, turned to her and said, “We should be going.” I immediately made my way to the door and exited the chapel, though I made an effort to wait for her before heading back to the carriage. Not one word was exchanged between the two of us the entire walk back. This information took me by complete surprise, but at least I’ve deduced one thing—Rheagan must’ve once lived in the Underground City. There’s no other possible way she could’ve heard my mother’s song. My mother lived in that god forsaken city from my birth until her death. I’m 6 years older than Rheagan, so she had to have lived Underground at some point in her life. This also explains why she has no files prior to year 838. I felt some sense of, nostalgia maybe? No, it was more like déjà vu. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I had this strange uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. It had to be related to this new discovery. Maybe I was still rattled from hearing my mother’s song? Her memory? I don’t know, but what I did know is that I had to keep digging.

The rest of the squad was waiting patiently by the carriage when we arrived. Eld was quiet, sitting somewhat far away from the others—possibly a hangover. Gunther seemed fine, despite being piss drunk 20 minutes ago. He was even talking, laughing with Petra. Though I think he felt nauseous as his boisterous laugh was quickly stifled and his smile turned to a grimace. Petra stifled her laughter as soon as I approached as well. She was likely still pissed that I reamed her out, let alone that it happened in front of Oluo. As for Oluo, he was alone, staring into his hands. We all piled into the carriage and took off back to the castle. I held the files I had obtained from the town hall close to me chest. I didn’t want any of my squad members to see what the files were. I had to admit to myself, if anyone else were to stumble upon these records, they’d think I was a creep, a filthy stalker or something of the sorts. I didn’t really give two shits what anyone else thought, but I didn’t need my squad losing trust in me. We weren’t more than 10 minutes from the town center when the whole damn carriage tilted towards the left side. We all fell into each other. _For fuck’s sake. Why do I always have to have such shit luck?_ I got out of the carriage and confirmed my suspicions—one of the damn wheels popped clean off. “This is just wonderful,” I let out, as the others filed out of the leaning mess. “The carriage couldn’t have shit the bed when we got back to base?” I massaged my temples softly, as I was starting to develop a migraine. “Gunther, Eld. Come here and help me prop the carriage up. Oluo, Petra. Go try and find that wheel. Rheagan—“ I turned to ask her to go into town to try and find someone who might be able to help, but she was already half a mile down the road heading back into town. I assumed she was already going to do what I was about to ask of her anyways, so I let her be. Now I had no choice but to place those files down somewhere so I could fix this wooden death-trap, so I placed them on the inside of the carriage.  I figured if everyone was out here trying to help fix it, no one would see the papers inside. I had Gunther go around to the other side of the wagon and lift while I lifted this side up so that Eld could crawl under and inspect the damage. He nearly dropped the carriage right as Eld was pulling himself from under the carriage. “Gunther! What the hell, I thought you were holding up the other side? You could’ve crushed—“ Then I saw he had something in his hand. _God dammit. How could I have been so careless!_ He was in a perfect position to see my files laying right there on the seat in the carriage. He picked them up, but I didn’t yet know if he looked inside. “What is this, Captain?” “Those are important files. Scout business, Schultz. Where do you get off snooping around my belongings?” He glared at me. “With all due respect, I don’t think these belong to you, Captain.” That little shit. Who does he think he is? I’m about two seconds from kicking the ever living shit out of him for talking back. I have always thought that the best form of discipline is pain. “Now who in the hell do you—“ He cut me off, “These files have Rheagan’s name on them. What exactly are you doing, sir?” He was being so condescending towards me. “Now listen here, you little brat. Why I have with those files is none of your god damn business. All you need to know is I acquired them to have on file at headquarters, just like I have files on all you little shits. There’s even files on me, so don’t think your special. Now put those back where you found them like a good boy and help me fix this cart before I get really pissed off.” I was already pissed off, fuming actually. Things were not going at all how I had intended. Now I had 4 pairs of wary eyes on me, and on top of that I had to find a way to amend this situation before it got out of hand. We cannot be an effective team without trust. I suppose this one is on me. Gunther is Rheagan’s closest friend, so I’ll give him props for sticking up for her. I’ll have a talk with them all when we return to base.

We nearly had the wheel back on when Rheagan returned with a local craftsman. He was able to safely reattach the wheel, and within 30 minutes we were heading back to the castle. When we got back, I pulled everyone aside and spoke to them as their captain as well as their squad mate. “Now, I know there has been some tension between us all recently. That is not at all what we need if we are to be an effective team. I don’t want you to feel too intimidated by me to come forward with concerns or new ideas that could make our lives easier. I am your Captain, but I am your squad mate as well. I know I can be a little callous sometimes, but this is new to me, too. It’s my job to be hard on you and to push you to your limits. It’s my job to guide you and sculpt you into the amazing soldiers I know that you can be. We are all trying to find our place in this, but I have no doubt that we will find our way and that squad Levi will be the most elite soldiers humanity has to offer.” They were all looking at me intently. This was going well. “There is something I would like to disclose to you all. If we are going to be a team, there needs to be no secrets.” I paused momentarily, “I have extensive files on each and every one of you. Who your families are, what jobs you’ve held, what skills you have, your IQ’s, everything we could find. This wasn’t at all to spy on you or have any kind of leverage for blackmail. We simply wanted these files to know your skills and how you would fit into the squad as well as the Scouts. We are all constantly trying to improve our skills to be the best soldiers humanly possible, so it helps to know where improvement is needed. I want you all to trust me as your Captain, as I trust all of you as my teammates.” Everyone looked at me approvingly, and suddenly things felt normal again. “Erwin, Hange and I are going to discuss our next expedition tonight. It will most likely occur sometime in the next week, but you all are the only ones to know at the moment, so I am trusting you to keep this information to yourselves for the time being and to prepare yourselves for the mission.” And almost instantaneously, I saw their trust in me restore itself. I didn’t want to dwell too much on this issue, as I had some work to do in preparation for the next mission, but I wanted them to know that we are in this together, that I have faith in them and that they can have faith in me. I left them shortly after to retreat to my office. I wanted to decipher the mystery that is Rheagan Starke as quickly as humanly possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! New Chapter! I'm so excited to have more time to write! I'm already working on the next chapter so hang in there. Hopefully I will have it up within the next few days. I hope you all like how the story is developing so far! Let me know what you think :)


	10. Tea Leaves

I had gone over those files maybe a hundred times since I received them, but nothing stuck out to me. I wasn’t able to find a single piece of new information about Starke. Almost a week had gone by, and we hadn’t spoken to each other since that day in the marketplace. There was no midnight tea as there often was, she seemed to avoid me, and for some reason I seemed to avoid her as well. Communication between us was awkward and only when necessary. The tension never interfered with our work as a team, but the others were beginning to notice more and more, and they sure were nosey little bastards.  It was now the night before the next expedition, and I was beginning to feel anxious. Erwin explained to me that some titans encountered during the last mission were portraying some abnormal behavior. For instance, one of the titans spotted at the right wing of the formation had seen our troops, but hesitated to pursue them. Another apparently ran circles around another group, almost as if it were herding them like sheep. These abnormals, as Hange has so affectionately named them, caused more casualties than regular titans have, and Erwin wants to know why these deviant titans have emerged. My squad was preparing, resting up before the mission. This was the calm before the storm, as it was almost always experienced. Everyone goes about their lives as if we weren’t about to purposely expose ourselves to the greatest threat humanity has ever known. I guess it was a way to cope? To be honest, I’m not quite sure why it happens, I just know I usually never feel that calm. This time was different. I sat alone in my office, watching the sky change from a vibrant peachy color to a deep navy blue with a hot cup of tea in my hands. I let the warmth of the tea seep into my finger tips and spread to my palms. A warm feeling burned through my veins like wildfire, though I doubt it was from the tea alone. I don’t know what his feeling was, but it was pleasant, so I waded in it for a while. I must’ve fallen asleep at some point, a rare occurrence, because I awoke in my desk chair just as the sun was rising. From my window I could see Rheagan sitting in the grass watching the sunrise as she often did. I got up, tidied myself, refreshed in the restroom, and made my way to the briefing hall before the mission. On my way, I bumped into Petra. Well, more like she cornered me in the hallway. “Captain, I have something I’d like to say,” she said rather sternly. Her face turned a bright pink as she continued, “I thought about what you said at the marketplace, and you’re right. I didn’t really fully understand what we were here to do. The academy doesn’t train you for what you experience in the field. I guess I just thought that if I pretended my life was normal that it would be. Or at least it wouldn’t scare me as much when I realized that my life will never be normal again. I didn’t mean to disrespect anyone in the squad, least of all you.” I was surprised to hear her speak of this, as it happened almost a week ago and she seemed to have forgotten all about it. It was never mentioned again, though she has been acting rather odd since I scolded her. “I understand life as a scout isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and I’m certainly not sugar coating anything. I just want you to know that I’m a good soldier with a level head and I won’t get distracted again. You have my word.” She began to walk away from me rather quickly, and staring at the floor. “Petra,” I called out to her. She stopped in her tracks and spun around, smiling awkwardly and letting out a nervous laugh. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you in front of Oluo. I take it you two were able to bounce back from all that, yes?” She looked at me rather puzzled, then it was like a lightbulb went off in her head and she turned a shade of red  even deeper and brighter than before, like a cherry tomato. “No, no!” she said, waving her hands rather quickly. “It’s not like that at all, sir. Oluo and I, we’re just friends. Friends, that all! I don’t like _him_ like that. What I meant to say was,” she stifled her own ramblings with another nervous laugh and went on her way. I could hear her mumbling something to herself as she walked away, but I couldn’t quite make out what she was saying. She was a rather odd girl at times, still so young, but she was smart and she was a good soldier. That’s all that mattered.

By the time I had made my way down to the front entrance to the castle, Starke had already left the field and must’ve made her way to the briefing hall. I myself made my way over as Erwin filled everyone else in on the mission. It was a quick briefing. The mission itself was simple: survey the land, watch out for deviant titans. If one is seen, signal squad Levi to direct Hange over to the deviant. We were to lead Hange and her squad in killing an isolated abnormal so that she may gather data and samples. But above all else, we were to try our best to stay alive. When all the details of the mission were thoroughly explained and understood, we moved to make our final preparations before departing. I gathered my squad, and we lead the way for Hange and the others. There wasn’t a lot of talking between my squad and I, but we didn’t really have any need for talking when we were on missions. We were calm, collected, and focused on the end goal. It wasn’t long before a titan was spotted. Both squad Hange and squad Levi were positioned in the center of the formation. We were able to see in all directions so if a signal was sent out, we’d know where to go. The outer wings were able to stave off most of the smaller titans. And then I saw it: a black smoke signal. This indicated an abnormal was spotted. This meant it was time to move. All other Scouts were ordered to avoid abnormals at all costs. The only squads authorized to pursue a deviant were Hange’s and my own. Hange and I exchanged a look, and we sped after the titan. Her squad, though more experienced, trailed behind mine. We were the brawn of this mission, while Hange was the brain. Just as we were coming up to the titan, it dodged us with lightening speed. Its legs were abnormally long, and its arms looked as if they were permanently glued to its body across its chest. It held onto each of its shoulders with the opposite hand, even as it ran. We chased after it, but suddenly it changed course and ran backwards toward us. It wasn’t as quick running backward, but it was still pretty fast. Without hesitation, Rheagan dismounted her horse, which was then picked up by Gunther. She somehow managed to sink her grapple into the beast at the right shoulder. I immediately chased after her, but as she came up to the titan, she spun to face me. It was almost like time was slowed down momentarily, and I saw her give me a sign. She looked at me sternly and flicked her eyes to the left. Without thinking, I changed course and went around the other side of the titan. I motioned to Eld and Petra that there was another titan coming from the left. I don’t know how she does it, but it’s like she has a sixth sense for finding titans. I watched Eld and Petra ride off to the left and scan the area as the titan came into view just over the horizon. It was a small one, 6 meters at most. Those two could handle it on their own. Gunther joined Hange’s squad with Rheagan’s horse by his side. I swung back around to find Rheagan had diverted the abnormal off course and to the west. What does she have planned? I caught up to her as she was distracting the disgusting creature. I got hold of the titan’s left shoulder and brought myself up to it. As I got closer, Rheagan was struck down by the titan. She lost her hold on it, but quickly regained control and latched back on. She spiraled all the way down its legs until it got tangled up and began to fall. I was just about to sever its nape, when I heard her scream, “No! Captain, it’s arms!” At the same moment, the titan’s arms untangled and stopped from falling to the ground, nearly swatting me out of the air. I lost my footing and ended up falling several meters to the ground. Its legs were nonfunctioning, as Starke managed to sever its achilles tendons as it was falling to the ground. However, it was still motile, and still very quick. Its fingers were long and it used them to dig deep into the dirt and pull its body along the ground. The first thing I did was help Rheagan off the ground. Her wrist seemed fractured, and her ribs were likely broken, but she brushed it off like it was just a surface wound. She immediately chased after the titan, and I followed. I had never been the follower before, and I’m not quite sure how I felt about it. I know she wasn’t trying to abuse her newfound authority or undermine my own. She was simply acting on instinct and doing her job. She had a certain fire and conviction to her, and that wasn’t a bad thing at all. She attached to the titan’s right shoulder again, except this time she shot herself forward. She flipped around once she was about 10 meters in front of the titan and she shot her grapple into its eye. As the titan came up on her, I managed to slash its right arm, and it fell limp. I sped past the titan as it fell to the ground. As she came up to it, we met at eye level facing opposite directions. She looked at me and smiled, and I landed in front of the massive beast as she swung around on its left and cut its nape so deep the head almost came clean off. _She really is something else._ As confident as I was in my own ability, I wouldn’t want to get into it with her. I know she can hold her own and she’s not afraid to bite back at me. She’s passionate, and it works to her benefit as well as to the benefit of the squad. I clearly made a good choice in choosing her to be my second in command. However, I couldn’t let go of the fact that an ominous cloud of uncertainty still loomed over her head. She landed softly and made her way over to where I was standing. We spoke no words to one another, but her body stiffened up and we both made our way back to the others.

Petra and Eld held off 2 titans from infiltrating the formation. Rheagan mounted her horse, and I directed Hange to the disabled abnormal. She started collecting data and taking samples, examining every inch of its wretched body. We were all stationed around Hange to make sure she could safely gather all the data she needed before we left. We had one final visitor before we were able to join the rest of the scouts and head back to base. It was average size, and unassuming. I told my squad to stay put as I handled this little annoyance. I quickly came up to the titan and took it down. It almost seemed too easy. I must’ve been distracted because I didn’t notice the titan’s hand swing as it was coming down. It grabbed hold of my leg and pulled me down with it. My ankle was undoubtedly sprained, possible broken. And I had a pretty big gash down my outer thigh. I swiftly cut off the titan’s thumb and freed myself, but not before 2 more titans closed in on me. Before I knew it, Rheagan was by my side, lifting me up and shuffling me to safety while the rest of my squad killed the remaining two titans. They were becoming quite the soldiers. I expected Rheagan to be the one to fight off the other titans, but she paid them no attention. All she seemed focused on was getting me out of there. I don’t even think she made sure that the others were going after the titans. For all she knew it was just the two of us out there, she put herself in harms way. It was a foolish decision, but damn am I glad she did.

She pulled me over to a small group of trees. She must’ve known that this would be the best cover for me to collect myself and assess my wounds properly. The cut on my thigh was nearly an inch deep, and my right ankle was bruised and swollen. She helped me sit up against the base of a large tree. “Don’t touch it,” she ordered me as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a bundle wrapped in cloth. She ripped a strip of cloth off of the bottom of her shirt. She then tied the cloth around my thigh above my wound—a makeshift tourniquet. “Stay still,” another order, though this one sounded more like a warning than an order. Her voice was soft and calm, unwavering. As she unwrapped the cloth, I saw in her hand a bundle of plants. “Medicinal herbs, they will help with the pain and prevent infection,” she muddled the herbs and applied them to my wounds. As her hand touched my skin, a feeling of electric shock went shooting throughout my whole body. My heart began pounding and a distant but very clear memory flashed through my mind. I could see it so clearly now, it blew my mind how I hadn’t seen it sooner. She was just a girl then, but that fire in her eyes is the same as it was when we first met 10 years ago. My thoughts moved from the moment we met, when I saved her in that alley, to the moment I made an unspoken promise to her. It was when I saw her there with her sister. A flash of the frail little girl’s lifeless body, her dying mother’s wish. Then I heard the squeaky little voice call out to her.. “Rhea..” I said faintly. She stopped in her tracks, but she didn’t look at me, “What did you just call me?” Her voice started to quiver now. I sat up more straight and took her hand that was trembling in my lap, “Rhea, that’s what she called you. I can’t believe you’ve been hiding right here under my nose. And to think what triggered my memory were those stupid herbs. They’re the same ones you gave me in that alley 10 years ago.” A tear rolled down her cheek as she turned to look at me. Again, no words were spoken, but the look that was exchanged between the two of us was unlike anything I had ever felt before. And there it was. The answer to all my questions, unlocked by a pile of stupid leaves. And the worst part of all is she was here with me for a year and I hadn’t even recognized her. I felt like such an idiot. She knew exactly who I was, and I couldn’t even remember her face, let alone her name. That little girl who had made such a big impact on me for one reason or another was now my best soldier. And something else, but before I could even think about it, the rest of the squad came up and made sure my wounds were being treated and that I made it back to my horse. When the others were by my side, Rheagan got up and walked away, alone. The whole ride back to base all I wanted to do was to talk to her, ask her why she kept this a secret from me, but I hadn’t the slightest idea what to say. She rode far ahead of us all, still by herself. She needed her time I suppose, and I was going to give it to her. The others could sense something was wrong, too. Hange asked me what the problem was, but it would be far too difficult to explain to her. Not only that, but it wasn’t my explanation to give, it was Rheagan’s. She kept this information hidden for a reason, and I wasn’t about to go and reveal all the skeletons in her closet. Once we returned to base, and I was semi-mobile on my own, I made my way over to where Rheagan was stabling her horse. She was alone so this was the perfect time to talk to her. She looked over at me as I approached her, and she began to come towards me as well. A ball formed in the pit of my stomach and made its way up and into my throat. I hadn’t quite thought of what I was going to say. Without warning, she embraced me. She hugged me. Why was she hugging me? I thought she was upset with me? She wept in my arms and whispered softly, “I’m glad you’re safe.” She looked at me endearingly and left me there, speechless. She went back into the castle alone, and I was left standing in the field, watching her leave as if I had never seen her leave a room before. When I caught myself watching her and thinking about how I would always watch as she left a room, how it pained me to see her cry, I realized one thing. Something that I think I had known for quite some time, but only let myself admit just now: I’m in love with Rheagan Starke. But I’d never let her know that…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely apologize for such a long wait for another chapter. I'm not sure how many of you still follow the story, but I couldn't wait any longer to post another chapter. The past few months have been really crazy stressful for me, what with me starting in a grad program at school, my mom having multiple surgeries and being out of work, and totaling my car in a major accident, I've been way to preoccupied to write. And this note was not at all for pity or sympathy, just an explanation as to why it's taken me so long to post! I apologize again and thank you all for reading! I really hope you enjoy the chapters to come! :)


	11. Confessions

“I’m glad you’re safe,” I whispered to him. I couldn’t stand to say anything else without breaking down. My mind was being pulled in every direction. On one side was my sister, her face, her voice, her tiny little hands enveloped in mine. Then there was my mother, her frail body, her caring heart, her dedication to Anna and me. I was on another end, pulling back toward the new life I had made for myself, the Scouts, my squad. But somehow, no matter where I let my consciousness fall, it always led to Levi. He was there the last time I saw my sister and mother alive and he was there when I found them dead, he raised the money I needed to get Anna out of there, the money I used to start a new life after I learned she was killed. He was the one that pulled me out of my rut and inspired me to do something more with my life, to join the Scouts. He always seemed to show up with a hot cup of tea right when I was beginning to feel lonely and miss my family. He was there when I broke down at the chapel and let myself remember them, remember my life in the Underground City. Wherever I turned, he was always there. I hated that I loved him, because he’s the best thing in my life right now, but every time I look at him I’m reminded of the worst part of my existence. It’s kind of bittersweet, but I guess that’s just the hand I’ve been dealt in life. I didn’t know how to talk to him, I was sure he was angry with me. I mean, I had been hiding this huge secret about who I really was and my life before the Scouts, how could he not be furious? I couldn’t bear to hear him yell at me. His words could piece me together or tear me to shreds, and I felt like this time it would be both simultaneously. How could I feel so broken yet so whole, so lost yet so present, all at the same time? I felt like this huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders only to come crashing down on top of my legs, crippling me yet again. It crushed me to walk away from him, because all I wanted to do was talk to him, tell him everything from the beginning. I knew I couldn’t do that right now. He probably needed time to digest that I was lying to him for over a year. I retreated to my bedroom and laid down, cocooned myself in my comforter. I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours, sometimes thinking of everything at once, sometimes of nothing at all. I was displaced from this reality for an unmeasurable amount of time, that is until Petra interrupted my trip to my own subconscious limbo. “Rheagan, what is going on? Why is Levi so upset? Why are _you_ so upset?” I didn’t want to speak, but I refused to be defeated by my past once again. I got up from my bed and turned to Petra, who was still standing before me looking rather concerned. “I’m alright. I’m just in a funk, maybe I just need some time to get my mind straight. Thank you for asking, though.” I hugged her and left our bedroom. I spent the next few days alone, only interacting with the others when necessary, but not because I was angry with any of them. I just needed time to myself and to figure out how to adjust to this situation, now that Levi knows my secret. I wonder if he told everyone? Should I care as much as I do? I want to be the one to tell my friends the truth about my past. They deserve to know, but I’m just not ready to tell them yet.

Almost a week had passed before things started to feel normal again. I think the rest of the squad just forgot what had happened on the last mission. Everyone, except Levi. I could tell he wanted to confront me about it, so I continued to avoid him. We were right back to where we started; even before the mission we were avoiding each other. I decided this morning to go out on a ride with my horse. I was walking out to the stables when he snuck up on me. “Oi, Starke!” His voice shot through me like shards of broken glass. I continued without looking back at him. I had no desire to talk about this with him. I just wanted to forget it ever happened and move on with my life, but he persisted. There were a few other Scout members outside, though they weren’t near us. I heard Levi stutter a little, getting frustrated. “I don’t want to say it but you know I will,” he warned me. _He wouldn’t dare._ Yet, I didn’t stop. If this is how he wanted to handle it, then by God I was going to fight him the whole way there. “God dammit, Rhea!” I stopped on a dime. I clenched my fists and spun around, fire and rage, and also a deep sadness radiated from my being. I marched over to him, blood boiling, and slapped him clean across the face with the back of my hand. I must’ve caught him off guard since he stumbled back a bit with his left foot before gaining his balance once again. A couple of the Scouts that were outside saw me slap Levi, and their focus turned on me. My eyes tried to produce tears, but I was too angry to let them spill out. I finally screamed at him before he could speak again, “Must you call me that? Don’t you know that I go back to that place every time I hear that name?” He was speechless. I turned back around and walked away before I said, or did, anything else that I would regret. Once it finally hit me that I had slapped Levi, I genuinely feared for my life a little. I thought he was going to murder me. I quickened my pace, hoping he would spare a poor lost soul. But despite the scene I had just caused, he didn’t back down. He actually tried to disable me. “I know you more than you think, so if you won’t speak up you’re going to have to fight me off.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me toward him. I pushed him away, but he tripped me and I fell to the ground. He pinned me down and scoffed at me, “I know you can do better than that, or are you ready to sit down and follow orders like a good soldier?” He was being extra condescending, likely trying to get me worked up, and it was totally working. I trapped his leg beneath mine and pushed him off me. I then quickly rolled on top of him and pinned him down.  “Did you ever stop to think I kept this hidden from you for a reason? And a damn good one at that?” He got free and proceeded to take a swing at me. He clipped me in the shoulder, and I stumbled backwards, tripping on my own feet and falling against a nearby tree. “Not good enough,” he taunted me. I had had enough. It was like a switch inside me had gone off, and I came at him full power. I stepped towards him with my right foot, planted it firmly into the ground and swung my left leg up to make contact with his ribcage. He managed to stop my leg, grabbing it at the calf, rotating it 180 degrees and pushing me away, but I quickly gained my balance and prepared to block his next move. I failed to notice, however, that he had already swung his foot across the ground and swept my legs up from under me. I came falling down, hard, and Levi came at me quickly, as I was at the perfect height for kicking. Determined, I stood up and jumped as he raised his leg to meet my hip. I managed to get his head and his right arm between my thighs mid air. As I brought us both to the ground, I squeezed as hard as I could, grabbing his hand in mine and pulling his arm taut so that he couldn’t use it to free himself. He began to stand up, his legs much stronger than I had anticipated. Before he could reach a full stand, I brought my left leg out from around the back of his head and placed it against his throat, while my right leg left his throat and landed firmly against his waist. I then pushed with full force toward the ground, his body falling hard and trapped under my legs. I thought I finally had him, but I must’ve eased up on my grip of his hand and he was able to break his arm away. He grabbed my leg that pinned him at his waist and spun it with such strength that I was forced to roll off him and quickly return to a standing position. As quickly as I had stood up Levi was right in front of me once again. He pushed me up against the tree, his arm digging into my collar bone and his face not even 6 inches away from mine. We were so focused on each other that neither of us noticed the mass of soldiers that were flocking us, surrounding the tree I was pinned against. My arms clawed at his, desperate to free myself so that I wouldn’t have to confront this, especially now that we had drawn in a crowd. “Damn stubborn woman!” He yelled at me, “I didn’t want to force you to spit it out, but you forced my hand. You _will_ speak to me about this, if it’s the last thing I do I will hear it from your lips!” He pushed on me harder, and it was getting difficult to breathe. “You want the truth, Levi? Fine, then here it is,” I took a long, deep breath before I began to speak once again. “I hate that I have to even look at you and hear your voice every day because it takes me back to a place where she was alive, and where I had to see her lifeless body lay in a pool of her blood while you sat there waiting for me. And every day I’m reminded that she is never coming back, and that I will always be alone for it. Despite all that, being able to see you every day makes it all worth it. I look forward to the nighttime in hopes that we will sit outside with our tea and talk into early morning, because your deep, silky voice reminds me that everything will be alright. And I don’t feel bad keeping you up that late because I know you never sleep. I’ve even made it a mission of mine to help you sleep a little more each night because I know it helps you forget too. Because I know, that the only way to escape the pain of this reality is in our dreams. In our dreams there’s no pain, no suffering. I can see her and watch her grow, and you can be with your friends again. But somehow, I’d still take staying up all night with you over that any day. My greatest joy and my deepest sorrow, it all leads back to you, Levi.” In the midst of pouring my heart out for all to hear, Levi had loosened his grip on me and taken a step back. I felt my legs tremble, my strength waning, and my legs failed me. I fell to the ground, but Levi grabbed me from under my arm before I hit and pulled me to my feet. He threw my arm around his neck and started to carry me to the castle. When we put enough distance between us and the group of dumbfounded soldiers, his fingers intertwined with mine. I turned to look at him, but he kept looking forward, never wavering.

Word of mine and Levi’s fight and my little mental breakdown spread quickly. The other Scouts were whispering and chattering to each other. I really dug a hole for myself this time. I thought Levi would be bringing me to my room, but instead he brought me to his. He set me down on his bed and pulled a chair up to the edge of it. He sat in the chair and held my hand. He said nothing except the word, “Sleep.” The sun had begun to set, and his large bedroom was flooded with colors, stained pink and orange. He watched me until my eyes closed shut, thought I hadn’t fallen asleep yet. I waited until the room went completely dark, with only the light of the moon shining through the window over his bed. I opened my eyes ever so slightly to see Levi fast asleep in that chair, his hand still clutching mine. I don’t know what was going on, but it was the best feeling I had in a very long time. I felt at peace, and I let myself fall asleep quicker than I ever had before. When I woke up Levi was gone. He must’ve just left because there was a steaming cup of tea on the chair where he once sat. I sat up in the bed and realized that my wrist was tightly bandaged and my ribs were treated with a salve and bandaged as well. Did he treat my wounds from our fight? Reality felt slightly warped and I wasn’t quite sure what to do next. I got up out of the bed, oriented myself a little, and left Levi’s room. As I was leaving, Oluo was walking down the hallway. “Well, well, well. What do we have here Miss Starke?” He caught me by surprise and I felt my nerves tense up and my face begin to blush. “Sneaking into the Captain’s room? Or rather, should I say, sneaking out? Hoping no one would see you, huh?” He was quite proud of himself, probably thinking that he had some juicy gossip to share with the rest of the squad now. “Haha, no no! Not at all, Oluo. I uh—was just looking for Lev—I mean, the Captain. Have you seen him?” He looked at me with a sideways smile, one eyebrow cocked and his hand on his chin before replying, “Sure, Captain’s in the commons with Eld. Not sure what they’re up to though.” There was a moment of silence between the two of us, then I spoke up, “Hey, Oluo? You won’t go telling everyone what you saw, will you?” “Eh, my lips are sealed. You best hope that the Captain doesn’t find out you were snooping in his office though. Especially after that little squabble you two had yesterday.” He gave me a wink. “Oh, no that’s not—“but before I could finish he waved a hand and said, “I’ll see you downstairs then!” and turned the corner. I took a minute to collect myself and let my nerves settle before making my way downstairs as well. There, I was met with Petra, Gunther and Oluo standing in a corner talking. Before I was within earshot, I saw Oluo make a gesture towards me, still halfway down the stairs. “Rheagan!” It was Petra this time. She ran over to me and berated me with questions, “Where were you all night? I was worried the Captain murdered you last night because you slapped him. Or worse, kicked you off the squad!” “Oh, no. I—,” “And speaking of that, why in the world would you slap Captain Levi?! Do you have a death wish or something? Not to mention that’s incredibly rude and disrespectful to assault your commanding officer.” “Petra, I just—,“ “Oluo said he saw you sneaking out of the Captain’s room,” I glared at Oluo so intensely I thought he was going to shit himself in fear, “Rheagan why were you in the Captain’s room?” “Well, I was—,” “You were, what..?” The look on her face told me she had assumed the worst, which in her mind would either be me betraying Levi and the squad, or considering her feelings for him, would be me and Levi sleeping together. I mean, that’s not entirely true, but it’s not entirely false either. I slept in his bed and he slept in a chair. That doesn’t really count, right? “Rheagan,” Petra called out again, probably because of my lack of an answer, “What were you doing in the Captain’s room..?” I panicked; I didn’t know what to tell her. “I, uh. I was just—,” and then Gunther stepped in, “Listen, Petra. She’s clearly still shaken up over her fight with the Captain and was probably going to apologize, right Rheagan?” I nodded in agreement. “And she looks like she was up all night over it, so just cut her some slack, alright?” Petra let out a sigh and agreed. Oluo looked at me and grinned, but a punch on the shoulder from Gunther wiped the smirk clean off his face. Right as we were all settling down, Levi and Eld walked into the room. “Good, you’re all awake,” Levi addressed us all in a surprisingly calm manner. He seemed, different somehow. More laid back maybe? I wasn’t quite sure. “I hope you slept well,” He looked at me briefly as he said that, but long enough for me to know that that question was directed at me. No one else seemed to notice. “The plan for today is to just do some basic training. The timeline for our next expedition and its purpose will be determined based upon the findings of Hange’s research on that abnormal from the last mission. It will most likely be longer and we will undoubtedly encounter more titans. I want you all to be at your prime performance, there will be no injuries this time. We will all make it back in one piece, understood?” We all nod in agreement with a simultaneous, “Yes, sir.” “Good, now let’s get a move on.”

As the group began to scatter, I stepped in, “Wait.” There was a pause, and a slight look of surprise on everyone’s faces, except for Levi’s. “There’s something that I need to tell you all, something I’m sure will answer a lot of the questions you have after last night.” They all gathered around me and listened intently, Oluo more so than the others I’d say. “I’m sure you all heard of what happened the other day between me and Captain Levi. It wasn’t uncalled for on either of our parts to say the least, and at the time I felt like I never wanted to speak to him again, but he would never let me do this alone. I couldn’t shake him even if I tried,” I let out a nervous laugh. “He fought my stubborn ass tooth and nail until I let go of my pride and finally admit to myself what I have been holding back for years,” I saw a look of concern and confusion spread across each one of their faces. Levi had turned away from me and was looking out the window. “What’s going on, Rheagan?” Gunther looked genuinely worried. “I promise it will all make sense very soon, you just have to trust me.” They all nodded towards me to continue. “I haven’t been completely honest with you all. I’ve been keeping a huge secret about my past and how I came to be here in the first place. I don’t open up to very many people, but you guys are the closest thing to family I’ve had in a very long time and you deserve to know the truth. No more secrets.” I took a deep breath in and a slow one out, “For the first half of my life, I grew up in the Underground District inside Wall Sina. The only family I had was my mother and my little sister, Anna. I was able to save enough money to gain a full citizenship on the surface, and I spent most of my time working for petty change and scavenging for food to bring back to my family. I was trying to save money to bring my sister to the surface and start a new life, and I had almost managed to reach my goal, but one day when I returned to the Underground I was attacked by 3 large men in an alley.” Levi was watching me intently now, and gave me an approving nod, so I continued, “I was saved by a 17 year old boy equipped with nothing but a pocket knife and his own two hands. He was rough and harsh, but he was also gentle and had the most selfless heart I had ever come across. I thanked him graciously, gave him some medicinal herbs and some of my favorite tea leaves as a token of my appreciation, and we parted ways. I thought that would be the last we’d see of each other, but not a month later I found him waiting for me by my doorstep, covered in dirt and blood. Lying next to him was the lifeless body of the robber who had just murdered my mother and my sister. Not only did he wait for me there for god knows how long so that I wouldn’t be alone when I found their bodies, he had saved up enough money for me to take my sister away from the Underground and start a new life with her. I would’ve died that day too had he not picked me up off the ground and reassured me that life goes on, and it will be tough at first, but it will get better. This was now the second time he saved me.” I paused for a moment, feeling myself get a little emotional. I took another deep breath in, “7 years later we crossed paths again. It had been so long, but I would recognize him anywhere. I watched him ride in on horseback from the latest Scouting expedition, and although there was no interaction between us, just seeing how far he had come motivated me to make a change in my life. I signed up for the Training Corps that same day. The universe threw us one last pitch, because after 3 years of hard work and training, he asked me to be on his special operations squad and made me his second in command.” There was a surreal moment of realization for the rest of my squad as they pieced together the fragments of my life’s story. Then I confirmed their suspicions, “He was a Captain now, humanity’s strongest soldier. Of course he was, how could he not be? And he clearly didn’t remember me. I mean, why would he? I was just some foolish, pathetic girl he had met once in the Underground, a very long time ago. And in his defense, I had done a lot of growing up and looked quite different than I did when we had last seen each other. It took Levi Ackerman one whole year to piece together that I was that same little girl he saved in that alley 10 years ago, and the thing that triggered his memory was a bundle of herbs just like the ones I gave him all that time ago. Of all things, it was the stupid herbs. But even after all that, I couldn’t be angry with him. He was relentless, and he’s almost always right, after all.” With one last deep breath, I wrapped up my confession, “Levi is not always the most outwardly kind, or soft, or approachable person in the world. At least not to everyone else. But I have always seen him as that boy who saved my life in the alley, the one who avenged my family, the one who changed my life. He is the real reason I am here. Levi is undoubtedly the most caring and tragically selfless person I will ever know, though he rarely shows it, and you are all lucky to know him.”

As my story came to a close, no words were exchanged between my comrades and me. They all sat there for a moment, taking it in. Gunther was the first to approach me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me, letting me know that he’s there. Petra was next, giving me a hug with a look of sadness in her eyes. Oluo came up, shook my hand, and shrugged, almost as to say _sorry for doubting you_. Eld gave me a pat on the back and an approving smile. They all looked at Levi, who was staring at me, and I staring at him. They then exchanged a look with each other before exiting quietly, leaving only Levi and I alone in the room. I approached him slowly, clasping both my hands together behind my back. “I’m sorry for sharing that without your permission. It’s your story, too.” He took my hand and held it between his, “Rheagan I’m sorry it took me this long.” He blushed ever so slightly. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Levi blush before, “In my defense, that little girl from the alley has grown into quite the fine woman, and a fine soldier. I have never met a more stubborn little brat, you just don’t take no for an answer no matter what the world throws your way.” “I certainly do not.” We were drawing closer to each other. He must’ve noticed because his hold on my hand loosened, but before he let go I said something. “Levi,” he perked up a little. “I just want you to know that above all else, no matter what happens, you have my loyalty and you have my heart. You have had them for more than 10 years now, and you will continue to have them as long as there is air in my lungs.” I pulled my hand away softly and kissed him gently on the cheek before leaving to start my training for the day. No matter what happens now, I know that everything will be alright. My soul is at ease now, as I no longer feel the pain of my past, only the love for my family, old and new, and my undying appreciation for the boy in the alley.


	12. Push

I was excited to be doing more training. It had been a while since I really pushed myself to my limit, felt that rush. Of course I wanted to go right into combat training. I had some stress to let out, but I knew I needed more improvement on horseback. Begrudgingly, I changed course to the stables. It’s not that I hated horseback training, I just wasn’t all that good at it. The horse I rode didn’t seem to like me all that much and I couldn’t get it to cooperate with me. Maybe I’m just bad with animals. It scared me that I could possibly put myself or my teammates in danger on an expedition if I couldn’t learn to control a horse or ride it above a subpar level. Gunther must have seen me go to the stables because as soon as I was about to saddle the horse, he came stumbling in out of breath.

“Hey—Rheagan,” he panted. “Are you doing ok?”

I smiled at him warmly, “Yeah, I’m alright. I’m just a little drained is all, but it feels good to have gotten all of that off of my chest.”

He looked at me a little curiously, and hesitated slightly, but continued to pry, “I can imagine.” He paused for a moment, “Actually, I have a question that’s been burning.” He walked towards me, placed a hand on the nose of the horse I had by the reigns, “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

I didn’t really know what to say to him in that moment. “I guess I just didn’t want to let myself be exposed to that part of my life. A lot of traumatizing stuff happened back then, and—“

“That’s not what I meant,” he interrupted. I wasn’t quite sure where he was going with this. “I’m talking about Levi.”

I found myself tongue tied at his response. “I don’t understand,” I let out.

“You knew Levi before he joined the Scouts. You knew him before anyone else. And we both know he is the reason you joined the Scouts in the first place.” I could feel myself turning red. “You remembered him after all those years, yet you never told him who you were. Why do you think that is?”

I panicked. I couldn’t get a single word out, so I looked away from him.

“I don’t need you to answer me, because I already know the answer,” he proclaimed. I whipped around, eyes wide. “We’re best friends Rheagan. You’re allowed to have your own secrets and I won’t pry into your deep personal backstory, but dammit I expect you to tell me when you’re in love with our Captain!”

I nearly fell over when the words left his lips. The horse whinnied and Gunther held me up from under the arm. He may be a few years younger than I am, but sometimes I forget how big he is. He towered over me, just staring me down and expecting some kind of explanation.

As he lifted me up and I regained my balance, his mood lightened and he gave me a light slap on the back. “I mean, for god’s sake, Rheagan! The Captain? Why didn’t you tell me! You’re never going to get through to the Captain unless you make a move on him! And even then you might be shit out of luck. He’s not really the type to show his emotions. And he certainly doesn’t seem like the dating type.” He laughed and I started to calm down a little. Then I realized how loud his voice was.

“Gunther! Can you be a little more quiet about it? I don’t need anyone else, let alone the Captain, knowing my dirty little secret. I think one confession is enough for one day.” I chuckled a little. When it was just Levi and I, it was easy for me to be myself with him and let myself get close to him. When we were alone, I wasn’t exactly the most subtle about my feelings for him, though I tried to be. He’s a smart man, so I’m sure he picked up on it, but I didn’t need the rest of the team finding out I was in love with Levi before I know for sure how he feels. Then if he rejects me, at least only Gunther will know about it, and it will be a lot less embarrassing.

“Well if I was able to figure it out, it’s only a matter of time before the rest of the squad puts the pieces together.” He saw my expression change from lighthearted to worried and embarrassed, and spoke up again. “But hey, my lips are sealed. Once we’re behind closed doors it’s fair game, though. Who knows? Maybe I could give you a few pointers! I do pretty well with the ladies,” he teased me with a wink.

“I’m sure you do, tiger,” I laughed at him. “And I’m sure they’re all just way too busy to come around when other people are present, huh?”

Gunther reached a hand behind his head and laughed nervously, blushing a little out of embarrassment. “Hey, I do just fine,” he said as we were walking out of the barn.

Right as we were about to turn the corner, Petra came running up to the barn. She stopped clumsily in the doorway and took a minute to catch her breath, her arm rested against the door frame.

“Rheagan—Gunther…” She paused to catch her breath. She was obviously distraught about something. “It’s Oluo,” she gasped. “He’s just won’t give up.”

“Hold on, Petra,” I tried to get her to calm down and speak clearly. “What do you mean? Where is he?”

She pointed a finger towards the ODM training sight. Gunther and I stepped out of the barn and looked in that direction. There was a crowd of people standing in a circle. They were all screaming, chanting something, fists waving in the air. “One of the other soldiers tried making a pass at me. He grabbed me and wouldn’t let me go. There were 4 of them. I could’ve fought him off myself, and I was just about to, but Oluo came up behind him and punched him. He told the guy not to touch me and to have some respect. That’s when they all started ganging up on him.”

“Where the hell is Eld?” Gunther was getting concerned.

“He stood with Oluo. He’s fighting them too. But its 4 against 2.” She paused for a short while and looked at the ground. “I wanted to help but every time I’d step in, Oluo would toss me aside. He wouldn’t let me help. I didn’t know what else to do.”

I ran over to where the crowd was gathered. Gunther and Petra trailed not too far behind me. I tried to yell over the other men screaming, but my voice wasn’t heard. I’m not the tallest girl, about 5’5”, so it was hard for me to even get anyone’s attention from behind the wall of men. The only way I was making myself known in this situation was to push my way through. Soldiers swayed and swung, I got sandwiched a few times, but I couple elbows to the ribs got the point across. I eventually found myself in the center of the pit. Men were still screaming, throwing their fists in the air and chanting for the ones they wanted to win the fight. Oluo was being held by the arms from behind while another man threw punches to Oluo’s gut. Eld was held back by the other two men, though he broke free and was able to land a few hits. One of the men was thrown towards me by Eld. His shoulder pinned me against the walls of the mob. I pushed him off of me, and he turned around to swing at me. Suddenly he froze in his steps when he noticed that I wasn’t a man.

“Hey, uh—“ he stuttered. “How did you get in here? This is no place for a woman, you could’ve been seriously hurt you know.”

“I’m perfectly capable of handling myself. I came in here on purpose. Someone has to break this up before it gets out of hand.” I was still pretty beat up from my fight with Levi the other day. My ribs were still badly bruised and my left wrist was sprained, but I wasn’t about to let that stop me from shutting these thugs down. “Everyone else seems to be enjoying the show so I took it upon myself to—“ My sentence was cut short by loud, boisterous laughter.

“Hahaha! Did you hear that boys? This little lady came here to break up the fight.” The other men turned my way, including Eld and Oluo. Suddenly, the crowd became quieter. Two of the men smirked smugly and continued to hold Eld and Oluo back, though they weren’t putting up much of a fight now. They were just watching me as the other two men approached me, leaving one man back with Eld and Oluo to make sure they didn’t interfere.

The crowd started to chatter. Oluo was chuckling before he bursted out into full blown laughter.

“Sweetheart, it’s very heroic of you to try to help your friends, but I’m sure I could speak for all of us when I say this is really no environment for a woman.”

“I’d say this fight is over boys. Hurry on home before you end up in the infirmary,” Oluo said, still laughing.

Eld yelled out, “Don’t do it! Just stay back!”

“Don’t worry pal, I’m not through with you yet. And I won’t hurt your little friend too much,” One of the men replied.

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Eld snapped back.

The man scoffed at Eld and proceeded to reach out to grab me by the arm. I didn’t object. The man tried to pull me into the center of the pit, and I didn’t struggle. I wanted everyone to see. Then…he hit me. The blow was clean, backhanded, and knocked me on my ass.

“What are you doing?!” Eld called out. “Fight back!” The smug grin on Oluo’s face disappeared and a look of concern took its place.

The man approached me while I was still on the ground, my head turned towards the disturbed earth. Right before he came close enough to land another blow I wrapped my legs around his and rolled my legs over one another, causing him to lose his balance and topple to the ground. I took a standing position once he came down and I felt my feet were planted firmly in place. It took him a minute to gain his composure. I think he was a little shaken that such a small woman like me could possibly take down a big strong man like him.

“Need a minute to catch your breath?” I asked him, making it a point to be condescending. Call me petty if you will, but someone needed to put this guy in his place and I guess today was my lucky day.

“What the hell? You little shit!” He was still on the ground, perched on one hand. One leg was tucked underneath the other one, and his other hand draped over his bent knee. He went to push himself up, but I rushed him and kicked him clean across the face. He turned over, face down in the dirt. When he eventually pushed himself up to his hands and knees, he muttered two words…

“Big mistake.” He spit blood onto the earth and rose to standing, signaling his buddies to hold my arms. With one on either side of me, I looked back and Oluo and Eld, now free of their grip but still guarded by one of the thugs. I wasn’t too worried about them now, and they were about to come help me, but I nodded at them to stay back. I didn’t want them to get any more involved than they already were. I could handle these thugs on my own.

“Rheagan, just let us help you!” Oluo yelled out, hoping I would just let them step in.

“No,” I let out a deep breath. “I can do this.”

I positioned myself so that my weight was evenly distributed and my body was grounded, one foot placed slightly behind me. I strengthened my core and prepared for my next move. These guys were amateurs. The big one just uses brute force with no technique. The others just follow suit and try to restrain you. There is no method to their fighting, no skill; just their overwhelming ego, and I was determined to take them down a notch and shove that ego down their throats. No one disrespects my family. As the big one rushed me, clearly and sloppily winding up for a punch to my gut, the other two pulled me arms taut. It was painful, as they held me tightly by the wrists, my left one still tender and swollen. I knew that if and when he landed a hit to my abdomen, my ribs very well might break under the pressure, as they weren’t completely healed either. I was going to try to avoid that at all costs, but I might just have to make that sacrifice in order to pull off what I had planned. I bent slightly enough where they didn’t notice much but low enough so as to give me enough power to get out of this situation and end this once and for all. The brute punched me clean in the abdomen. There wasn’t a lot I could do until the moment was right. He punched me again in the same spot, but this time the pain radiated. It was a sharp pain, and I thought he must’ve broken a rib, but I pushed through it. He swung once more, and this time he shifted his weight and hesitated slightly. _This is my chance._ I jumped and swung my legs into a forceful kick. My leg came up under his jaw and his momentum completely reversed as he flew backwards, turning slightly on his side. He landed with a large _thud_ on his left shoulder. The other two were still holding me by the arms. I was just over their heads now, mid flip. I turned my body slightly mid air so that my arms were crossed when I landed behind them. Before they could react and let go of me, I pulled hard on my arms, forcing them into one another. Their heads collided with a _crack_ and they collapsed to the ground.

I took a few fumbled steps backward before falling to the ground. My head hit the dirt and my field of vision grew narrow, fading in and out. There was a high pitched ringing in my ears. I must’ve hit my head pretty hard when I hit the ground. The pain in my abdomen still radiated, sending sharp, shooting pain all the way through to my spine. _Damn, I really fucked up this time._ Gunther, Oluo, Eld, and Petra came to help me up, but every time they tried to stand me up on my own, I felt that same crippling pain even stronger. A group of soldiers tried to help up the other men and bring them to the infirmary. I stayed there, laying on the ground with my head propped up on Petra’s lap. I saw Eld leave, and he was gone for a few minutes, but when he came back he wasn’t alone.

“Rheagan..” I looked up to see a familiar yet blinding pair of silver eyes staring down at me, shaded by a few locks of onyx hair. “You’re an idiot.”

He instructed Gunther to carry me to the infirmary. Before I faded out, I saw a decent sized pool of blood, tailing a blood trail from the center of the ring over to where my opponent laid motionless. _Shit, this guy can’t be dead. I didn’t hit him that hard. Where did all that blood come from?_ Levi walked over to where the large man had collapsed and knelt down to the ground. It was blurry, but when he rose back up I saw a blinding shimmer of light emanating from his hand. I let my eyes close and my body relax. I just laid there, half conscious in Gunther’s arms. When he placed me onto the infirmary bed I didn’t wake myself up right away. I could’ve sworn I only rested my eyes for a few minutes, but when opened my eyes it was later in the day. The first thing I saw was Levi. He was sitting in a chair beside the bed, slouched, arms crossed and one leg draped over the other. Deep orange rays of sunlight set him aglow. Parts of him remained in shadow, but the scene left an overwhelmingly warm feeling, with a touch of despair. I didn’t say anything, just looked at him for a moment. When he realized I was lucid, he sat up in his chair and bent over slightly, placing his elbows on his knees.

“You hit your head pretty hard. You’re lucky you haven’t broken a rib.” He wouldn’t look at me. He was fiddling with something, turning it in his hand. “You’ll be out of commission for a while.”

“What? No! I can’t just sit on the sidelines, Levi. I’ll heal, I’ll be ok. Just let me—“

“You’re lucky you’re still alive, Rheagan.” He rose his voice at me. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked up at me. “Your foolish, impulsive actions almost cost you your life, and yet you don’t seem to comprehend the severity of the outcomes of your actions.”

He took what was in his hand and placed it on the table beside the infirmary bed. It was a small, sharp blade that was flattened at one end. It had a small wooden handle that extended about two fingers across, and was perpendicular to the blade itself. The blade was no more than 1.5” long, but it was double edged.

“You were stabbed right underneath your rib. The blade barely missed major blood vessels. You lost a lot of blood.” He looked down at the floor between his knees again. “You are by far the most reckless woman I have ever known. And yet I can’t expect you to be anything less, because I know you can hold your own and you don’t back down from a challenge.”

“Captain, I—“

“As I’ve already told you,” his voice was getting calmer now, “you’ll be out of commission for a while. I expect about a week.”

“Levi, please! I’ll be—“

“That’s enough.” He said this more sternly than before. “You need to heal completely if you’re going to be at your best performance during missions and training. And I’ll have none of your incessant whining about the matter.” He began to walk out of the room, but he stopped within the doorway for a moment and said, “I hope with all this extra time you have for the next week while you recover, that you take some time to look within yourself and fine tune your analytical skills. Your senses and instincts are impeccable. Learning how to use them correctly is imperative to survival and becoming an outstanding Scout. Impulse decisions can completely change the playing field in a number of ways. Whether or not your actions are based on instinct, logic, and awareness of your surroundings as opposed to raw emotion could mean the difference between life and death. Learn to know the difference between the two, when it’s appropriate to act on instinct and when its required to think things through. You have a brain, Starke. Learn how to use it to its full capacity.”

And with that statement, he was gone. I laid in the infirmary bed for a while, contemplating what Levi had said to me. And he was right. I was making split second, impulsive decisions. For the most part I’ve been lucky in the sense that they’ve always worked out in my favor. But it won’t always be a happy ending. I’m putting not only myself in danger, but also my squad and the rest of the Scouting Regimen. I know Levi can handle himself, and he probably wouldn’t really be worried about me anyways, but I couldn’t live with myself if one of my reckless decisions put him in danger or caused him any injury. I need to put my feelings aside and start to use my brain and the finely-tuned senses I know I can conjure to be the best asset to my squad. From this moment forward, I was making some changes. But in this moment, I need to focus on healing. I’m determined to be back in the field in 5 days. No, 4 days. And when that time comes, I’ll be ready.


	13. Pull

I spent 3 days in the infirmary. I was still out of commission, but I was free to roam the grounds as I pleased. I was able to walk and operate on my own, but not without pain. I went back to the infirmary to get treatment for my wounds every few hours, but I needed to be out occupying myself. I took the opportunity to read up on human behaviors and fighting tactics during my brief time off. I also tried to meditate nightly to get in touch with myself and the world around me. I isolated myself for a few days, even after I was back on the job. I spent more time outside in the commons, went into town and people watched. Every morning I would sit outside and feel the dew from the grass on my palms, the misty air in my lungs, focusing on each inhale and exhale. I would feel the sun warm my face as it rose over the horizon, and hear the birds chirp as they come down from their nests to search for food. I could hear the horses grazing, and as people began to wake, I would get up and make myself disappear for a while. At night I would sit on the roof of the castle and feel the cool, crisp wind brush against my face, tossing my hair about as it howled at me. I would listen to the crickets and the frogs chirp through the long hours of the night, and I would watch as the lightning bugs became one with the stars in the sky. I could watch them all night and contemplate every possible outcome in the universe. I felt most connected with myself and the cosmos at night. It was inexplicable, but something I enjoyed very much. After about a week, I began to integrate myself back into my daily routines within the squad. I tried to act as natural as I could, but there was a good amount of unspoken tension in the air as we all pretended that I wasn’t in the infirmary for a week. I also noticed that Levi was making himself scarce around me. I decided to ignore it for now and focus on getting back to training. The next mission was in a few weeks if my memory is correct, and I wanted to be prepared. I was spending a lot of my time training horseback in solitude while the rest of my squad trained combat and ODM. I was the only one who still needed to train horseback because I was so god awful at it. I got visibly infuriated because no matter what I would do the damn horse would nearly buck me right off of its back. I understood to an extent. I mean, I wouldn’t want to carry someone on my back all the time, especially while trying to avoid the most vicious predators on the face of the planet. I took a break from horseback for a while and headed over to where the rest of the squad was training. Eld and Gunther were sparring, and Petra and Oluo were practicing ODM maneuvers. I watched as Eld managed to knock Gunther on his ass time and time again. Eld was an amazing soldier, and so was Gunther, but he had a lot to learn about waiting and watching his opponent before he strikes. I decided to walk closer to where they were.

“Hey! Can I join in?” I asked them.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, you’re still healing.” Eld seemed concerned for me, but also a little concerned about something else.

“That, and the Captain said—“ Gunther was cut off by a swat by Eld’s elbow.

“What’s going on?” I was a little nervous. “What did Captain Levi say?”

Eld let out a sigh before begrudgingly giving me an explanation. “He wanted you to ease your way back into training. He said he doesn’t need you getting hurt before the next mission because you would be completely useless and he would have no choice but to punish you and prohibit you from coming with us on missions until you learn patience. Those were his exact words.” Eld had a troubled look on his face.

Gunther spoke up as well. “Rheagan, he’s been holding private meetings with Hange and Erwin. I overheard one while I was passing Erwin’s office. Your name was brought up. I don’t want to think that the Captain would do this, but I can’t help but feel that he’s thinking of transferring you to another squad.” Those words caused a temporary malfunction in my heart, and my blood pressure dropped. I felt my face get warm, and my heart felt like it was in my throat. Levi couldn’t transfer me off the squad. He wouldn’t. It has to be something else.

I tried to make it seem like I wasn’t going insane with anxiety on the inside, and I just went about as normal. “I won’t get hurt. I wasn’t going to go full throttle with the combat training, I was really just hoping that you guys would let me give you some pointers.” I said this with a warm smile on my face, but Eld and Gunther could see right through it.

“Alright,” Eld answered. He let up a little. He probably knew that this would take my mind off everything else and make me feel a little better, so they placated me on this one. “I guess it wouldn’t be too bad if you showed us a few things.”

“Great! So show me what you got.”

Eld and Gunther faced each other and began to spar. I observed until one of them was taken down, that person being Gunther yet again.

“Dammit! You get the best of me every time, Eld. I can’t manage to get one over on you no matter how hard I try.” Gunther rubbed the back of his arm a little, undoubtedly bruised from the repetitive beatings. I stepped in to offer some guidance.

“One of the reason’s you’re so easily taken down is because of your stance. You do not center your gravity, and your feet are not planted firmly. You have to be like a rock.” I looked at Eld and thought about what I was going to do and say next. “Eld, try to disable me.” He seemed hesitant. “Just trust me. I’ll be alright.”

He came at me, not at full force, but strong enough to knock me down if I let myself get hit. He stepped strongly and drew back his fist. He thrust it forward to make contact with my left shoulder. I raised my left hand forcefully, my hand downturned and my wrist pointed towards the sky. The point of my wrist made contact with the underside of his, directing his hand upward. I threw my right hand towards his sternum and flexed at the last minute, forcefully contacting his chest with the base of my palm. Eld was knocked backwards, stumbling a little.

“You want to use your opponent’s force against them to gain an advantage. You don’t always have to be the strongest physically to win a fight.” They were both listening now, intrigued.

“How did you do that?” Gunther asked curiously.

“You have to wait and watch. You need to have patience and strike when the moment is right. You want to center yourself and move freely.” They looked a little confused still. “It also helps to know the weak points of the body. The underside of the wrist is very soft and contains a lot of tendons and nerves. Striking that area directly and with enough force can cause a significant reaction. The bone where the ribs meet at the center of the chest is also a great place to hit. Not only is it painful, but striking higher on the body can cause an imbalance in your opponent and cause them to topple over if they haven’t strengthened their core and centered their gravity.” An idea sparked in my mind, and I proposed it to the guys. “I could teach you more about these weak points if you want?”

“Absolutely! It would be a great advantage to have in combat.” Gunther seemed enthusiastic to learn.

“Alright, so let’s get started.” I started explaining to them all the weak points I knew so far, from the most simple ones to the more advanced. I pointed to the spots on my own body and told them to practice on each other to see how it feels. This way they can know how to utilize it in battle and avoid getting attacked with these movements as well. Petra and Oluo noticed the little lesson I was putting on for Eld and Gunther and made their way over to watch as well.

“Rheagan! Glad you’re finally back.” Petra hugged me warmly yet softly, as if she was afraid I was going to break. “What are you guys up to over here?”

“She’s showing us how to be passive aggressive in our fighting techniques.” Gunther said somewhat jokingly.

“You laugh, but these techniques can come in handy! You never know when you’ll be in a pinch and will need this knowledge to get out of a dangerous situation.” Petra and Oluo looked at each other momentarily and shrugged before sitting down to take part in the lesson. I continued with my advice, catching Petra and Oluo up on what I had already explained to Eld and Gunther. “Just as the titans have a weak point at the nape of their neck, humans have one there as well. This one is much more difficult to pull off, and can be dangerous to perform, so I wouldn’t recommend it. But it’s good for you to know it’s there.” They seemed to be getting angsty, wanting to try some of the moves themselves. “Tell you what, I’ll show you guys a few more simple ones and then you guys can try them out on each other. Sound good?” They nodded approvingly.

“These next few points are probably the ones that might be most useful to you. The first I will show you is located at the soft tissue between your thumb and index finger.” I waited for them all to locate the weak point. “Pressing deep into this point can cause pain and sometimes subdue your opponent if they have you in a grab. Next are the points just behind and in front of your collarbone. The point behind runs vertical to your ear. The point in front is soft and is located near the base of your neck. A deep jabbing motion into either of these points can cause great effect, possibly paralyzing the arm and fracturing the collar bone.”

I paused for a few moments before I told them the last point. This one could be dangerous to perform, but I was confident in my squad and their judgement, so I decided to imbue them with the knowledge they’d need to use it. “Lastly, the side of the neck. A quick and forceful chop with the side of the hand to the area of the neck below and slightly in front of the ear, about halfway down the neck, can render your opponent unconscious. Be careful when using this move and only use it when absolutely necessary.”

I let them find these new points and instructed them to practice with each other. “First, try the palm point, between the thumb and index finger.” I watched as they sparred with each other, each of them utilizing the palm weak point.

“Shit! When you really use these full force, they hurt like hell!” Oluo let out. Petra seemed proud of herself for properly utilizing the pressure point. “Don’t look so smug, Petra. I’ll get you back on the next run.” They went back to sparring.

“I want to stress that these weak points should be used only when necessary. Some of them can be very dangerous, even causing the death of your opponent. The ones I’ve taught you should be safe to use with each other, but we won’t be practicing the points surrounding the neck. Those ones require advanced understanding and are only used as a last resort.” They all seemed to understand, and moved onto the wrist weak point when they were finished with the palm point.

I watched them carefully as they performed the moves, instructing them when needed and providing insight and guidance. Oluo was having trouble locating the pressure point on the sternum. I moved over to him and used my hand to find the weak point on his chest. I told him to assume fighting stance and try to attack me. I used the same move I used on Eld, deflecting his punch and forcefully striking his sternum to push him away. Feeling the extent of the weak point on himself will help him to better locate it on others. Just as I knocked Oluo away, Levi decided to make an appearance.

“I see you’ve wasted no time getting back onto the combat field. I had hoped that you would have learned a little patience and given yourself more time for healing, but—“

“Levi stop,” I interrupted him. “I’m not sparring with them.”

“She’s actually showing us how to utilize the weak points of the body.” Petra defended me, “It’s been strictly instructive. The only time she’s gotten hands on is when she’s showing us where the points are so we can see what they feel like and where to find them on our opponent.”

“I took your advice, from before. I’ve been taking it easy for now, waiting, and watching. And I’ve been tuning my instincts just like you told me to. I’m trying my best to better myself so that I can be of use to the squad.” I waited for his response, but he didn’t give one right away. It almost looked as if he was arguing within himself over what he was going to do with me. “The only hands on thing I’ve been doing is horseback training, because god knows I need it.” That one managed to get an ever so slight smirk out of him.

“I’ve noticed. You’re quite the klutz when it comes to riding, your horse doesn’t seem to take a liking to you,” he teased me. “But that’s because you treat each horse as if it’s the same. You’ve failed to notice that the horse given to you to ride has a flaw, and you’ve neglected to take that flaw into account.” He started walking towards the stables and gave me a quick nod to follow him, “Well come on then. I’m not going to wait around all day.”

I looked back at my squad. Eld flicked his eyes toward Levi, signaling to me that I should follow him. I told them to keep practicing, but only the points below the neck until I return. I followed Levi over to the stables and watched as he led the horse out into the field.

“This horse is fairly new in the Scouts. It was found outside the walls while on an expedition and was wrangled in with the rest upon our return.” He looked at my dumbfounded expression, let out a sigh, his head hanging slightly. “This means that the horse is barely trained. You drew the short straw when you took on this horse. It’s still young and rebellious, and it needs to be broken.” I was expecting Levi to be harsh on the poor animal, but he was surprisingly gentle. “Horses are much more pleasant company than humans. They are elegant and fierce, and require treatment to match.” He gained the stallion’s trust, bringing his face close to that of the horse. He grabbed it softly under the jaw and looked it in the eye, asserting dominance, then gave the animal an apple slice. He then walked to the back of the horse and smacked it on the rear. The horse took off, and I thought it would be gone for good.

“Have patience,” Levi ordered me. He told me that I’m not an awful rider, just have subpar observational skills and a slight lack of common sense. To my surprise, some 10 minutes after the horse took off, it came back and walked right up to Levi.

“Sometimes the beasts just need to let off some steam. He knows where his home is, and he comes back on his own time. You can’t try to control the horse, you need him to cooperate and work alongside you. For that to happen, you need to gain his trust. Horses are intelligent creatures, and mutual trust is essential to effective riding. He’s just as much a member of the team as you or I. Learn to put your faith in your team and they won’t let you down.” He gave the horse one last pat on the back and walked back toward the castle. I followed him without hesitation.

He led me into the briefing room, where Hange and Erwin were waiting. My stomach immediately started doing somersaults and my breaths got shallow and almost ceased. _This can’t be happening. He cant transfer me off the squad!_ I stopped in the doorway as he walked further in.

He halted and looked back at me, “What, did you forget how to work your legs or something? They’re not going to bite. Well, I can’t promise anything when it comes to four-eyes over there.” She was staring at me, not blinking, with a maniacal grin on her face. He was trying to lighten the mood, and also pick on Hange as he often does. “Just sit down and listen.”

He took a seat on Erwin’s left and crossed his arms over his chest, crossing his legs as well. Hange was on Erwin’s right and she was holding herself up against the table, her palms planted on the tabletop. She maintained that same manic expression that she had when we first walked in, and it looked like she was just bursting at the seams waiting to say something, or waiting for something to be said. Erwin sat with near perfect posture, his hands clasped in front of him. He waited for me to gain my composure and take a seat. I sat opposite of Erwin at the table. Millions of thoughts ran through my head of everything I had possibly done wrong in my time on Levi’s squad. I was driving myself insane until Erwin decided to speak.

“Rheagan Starke.” My focus was on Erwin now. I was listening like my life depended on it. “I heard you got into quite the scuffle a while back. I hope you’re healing well?” I wish he would just get it over with.

“Yes, Commander. I’m healing quite well. I’ve been taking it easy, or at least trying my hardest to. But this job doesn’t exactly warrant a leisurely existence.”

He grinned slightly at that statement, “I would say it certainly does not. The duty of a Scout is not for the meek and feeble.” He stood up and walked around the table, closing the door softly before continuing to speak. “I suppose you’re probably asking yourself what reason we have for bringing you here to meet with us. Actually, it was all Levi’s doing. He’s proposed something that will greatly affect your position and situation within Squad Levi. We’d like to discuss this with you and hear what you have to say regarding the matter before I make my decision.”

My palms were sweating. I froze and I couldn’t get any words out.

“Relax,” Levi’s silky voice radiated and sent a shiver down my spine. “This could be a good thing, if you let it be.”

“I really wish I could relax, or that I had something to say, but frankly I have no idea what is going on and it’s putting me on edge. A big change? A meeting between the three of you? Ambiguous clues, and the fact that neither Levi or Hange have said a single word this whole time, despite looking like she’s going to crawl out of her skin if this lasts any longer? I can’t figure an outcome based on this information that could possibly be a good thing for me.” I was starting to accept that my time on Squad Levi was over. It still felt like a bad dream, though, and I was ready to wake up.

“Have a little confidence. In yourself and in me,” Levi looked up at me as he spoke. “Erwin, move it along, would you? Hange is near collapse from anticipation, and Starke looks like she’s hasn’t breathed since she sat down. This plan is only possible if all parties can maintain their sanity, at least for a time being.”

“Rheagan, Levi has requested that you spend some time learning and training under both Section Commander Hange and myself. This time would be spent observing Hange’s titan studies, attending meetings with the other military branches alongside myself, as well as formulating expedition plans and outcomes. You think of things people wouldn’t normally consider, and we believe that skill could come in handy outside of Squad Levi.” Erwin was sitting next to me now, propped up on one elbow with his other arm around my shoulder. Levi looked at me almost indignantly before looking away. His expression was mild, but the tips of his ears turned blush and his eyebrow furrowed slightly. Even when he looks miserable his still the most incredible thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on.

I snapped back to reality after a brief intermission, “So let me get this straight. I’m not getting transferred off the squad permanently, just for some special training and aiding mission preparation?”

“You really are oblivious sometimes, aren’t you?” Levi teased me. “I’d be a fool transfer you off of my squad. You’re my wild card, we just need to tame you.”

“I’d snap back at that if I wasn’t so relieved. I honestly thought I was done for. The others had said—“

“They have no business in this matter. The only things could have told you regarding this meeting are fabricated conclusions based on incomplete bits of information. Had they not been sticking their noses where they didn’t belong, maybe you could have been spared of your insecurities and kept a clear mind.” Levi seemed annoyed. I wonder if he knew the whole time that they were snooping around and just wanted to see me squirm a little. He inhaled deeply, and asked me again, “So what are your thoughts? I think these sessions with Erwin and Hange would be extremely beneficial for you. Not to mention, having two of us with that kind of experience on the squad would be a major advantage.” He paused momentarily, and having noticed the blank stare on my face, offered a deal. “Why don’t you sleep on it. You can let me know your decision in the morning.”

He got up and began to walk across the room to leave. I didn’t want to sleep on it. I wanted this extra training. I wanted to better myself. There was no doubt in my mind about what I was going to do next.

As Levi passed by me, I reached a hand out to grab him by the arm. “I’m in.” Just as those words had left my lips, Hange jumped up and shrieked out of excitement. She slid over the table to where I was sitting and grabbed me by the hand.

“This is going to be incredible! You won’t regret taking on this challenge, Rheagan. I promise you that! We are going to accomplish so much! I’ll teach you everything I know about titans and you can help me to dig deeper into their origins.” Her eyes were almost glazed over, her face blushing. She was in her own little world right now.

Levi pulled his arm out of my grasp and said one more thing, “Let’s hope you won’t regret your decision. I want weekly reports from you and no neglecting your work within the squad. This is an extra assignment, not a vacation.”

“Yes, of course,” I said softly. He left the room, leaving the door open behind him. I was feeling a little distant from him recently. I didn’t like it, but I wasn’t sure how to overcome it. He’s the type who likes his space, so I’m not going to crowd him. Especially if I’m trying to win him over.

“Pay no mind to him,” Erwin assured me. “His mind is going in every direction at the moment, so don’t take his aloofness as distaste towards you. I’ve known Levi long enough to notice when he’s putting on a ruse.”

Surprisingly, Erwin’s words made me feel much better about the whole situation. He, Hange, and I talked more about what I would be doing with each of them and when. We set up a schedule and he sent me on my way. I would start the day after tomorrow. I had little time to prepare myself, but I was always up for a challenge. We had never covered this kind of training in the academy, so it was something entirely new for me.

It was getting dark, so I made my way down the hall. I was heading outside to the commons, and on my way I passed the dining hall. The rest of my squad was eating dinner together. Eld and Petra sat on one side with Gunther and Oluo opposite of them. Gunther had his usual mound of food, so I was surprised that he noticed me walking by.

“Rheagan! You’re still here!” He waved me over, and I walked up to the table. Everyone seemed so happy, and it made me smile. “I thought for sure you were getting kicked off the squad. So what happened?” He pined.

“I’ll fill you in tomorrow,” I said with a big smile on my face. “What I want to know is how the rest of your training went after I left?”

Gunther stood up, nearly knocking the table over in the process. “Here, watch this!” He took a slightly squatting stance and struck Oluo at the base of his neck with the side of his hand. The poor guy nearly choked on the spoon that was in his mouth. Food went flying as Oluo’s arm went limp.

“What the hell, man! What’d you go and do that for?!” Oluo scolded Gunther.

“What does it look like? I was showing Rheagan that I can paralyze your arm.”

Oluo reached up and smacked Gunther on the back of the head, “Well I think you need more practice, jackass.”

Eld, Petra and I started laughing, hysterically. Gunther looked confused, and then started to laugh it off, slightly embarrassed. “Geez, I guess I do need a little more practice.” He rubbed the back of his head, either out of embarrassment or from Oluo’s smack. Oluo was a good sport as well, succumbing to the hilarity of the whole situation.

“Well, we can see how much you’ve learned tomorrow. I have a big next few days ahead of me, so I need to get some rest.” I waved goodbye and let them finish their meal.

I proceeded to go out to the fields. I wanted to watch the sunset, and I wanted to listen as the world went silent. Before I had made it to the exit, I crossed paths with Levi.

“I want you to clear something up for me,” he said. “Those moves that you were showing the others, how do you know all that?”

“I’ve been doing a lot of reading, since I’ve had a lot of time to myself. I picked it up quickly, it’s fairly easy to learn if you pay close enough attention and have a background in combat.”

“I see,” he paused for a brief moment. “I want you to show me.”

I was surprised at his request, but I didn’t dare deny it. I nodded, and walked out to the open field, prompting him to follow suit. I taught him everything I taught the squad, and he needed almost no instruction. He picked it up even quicker than I did, though I can’t say I’m surprised. He truly is incredible. I could watch him move like this all night. The sun set slowly over the horizon, and the sky grew dark. It didn’t take long for the twilight to subside, allowing the stars to make their grand appearance. Just as they did, my attention was drawn to them. Levi could tell, as he stopped sparring and drew his attention to them as well.

“The night sky is truly a sight to see, don’t you think?” His voice brought me back to him. No matter where my mind was, he could say the simplest of words and my thoughts would come running back to him. His eyes glistened in the moonlight, contrasting the obsidian pigment of his hair. I let my eyes wander back to the night sky. My soul felt at ease.

“I’m going to sit. Feel free to join me if you like.” He walked over to a nearby bench housed under a tree. He sat down at the corner, his posture slouched slightly and his head bent toward the sky to watch the stars dance once again.

“Listen, I know you don’t let stuff like this bother you, but I want you to know that I have nothing against you. It’s actually quite the opposite. You and I are a lot alike in more ways than you may have realized, and it seems we are bound whether we like it or not. Life has thrown us together since the beginning, like a magnet. There are times when you get on my nerves and make me want to pull all my damn hair out.” He said this all without looking at me once, his eyes remaining fixated on the night sky. “But, when you aren’t driving me up a wall, I feel pure comfort. There are parts of me that no one would begin to understand. And I don’t have to explain it to you because you’ve been where I was. It might sound awful, but it’s nice knowing someone who’s been fed the same shit life that I have.”

I looked up to the sky as well, reminiscing in my childhood. “It was tragic, but our experiences have shaped us into who we are. If you’ve taught me anything, it’s that we are who we choose to be. We can let our experiences crush us, or we can overcome them. Our paths have crossed for one reason or another, and this must be it. We were meant to make a difference in the world.” I took a deep breath in, taking in all that was around me. “It might sound mawkish, but I believe it with all that I have to give.”

I turned to look at him, only to find him looking back at me. Our eyes locked for what felt like ages, but in reality was probably only a few seconds. It felt as if time had stopped, until I realized that I was the most likely the only one who was frozen. For him, life went on, and I was just a not-so-familiar face whom he had gotten to know all over again out of obligation to his job. We both looked again towards the sky, taking in the vast beauty of the unknown. It’s a shame that I will never know what lies beyond the stars.

 

* * *

 

I watched her as she watched the stars, but all I could see was them dancing in her eyes. She saw the world like nobody else, and I cherished her for that. No matter how I tried to avoid it, I couldn’t escape the pull she had over me. It’s as if it wasn’t gravity keeping me bound to the Earth, it was her. She was either blind to my feelings for her, or I was foolish to hide them, but either way she remained ignorant of them. I could stay like this, frozen in time with her for as long as my life would let me, not having to wonder whether today would be my last, or hers. And when she looked my way and caught me gazing, I felt as if the Earth really would cease to turn, capturing us in this moment until time’s end. I wondered if she would ever realize that when I look at her, I see the stars, resplendent against the night sky; I see the sun, its light too fiery and blinding to ignore. Yet when she looks back at me, it’s as if she’s looking at the ground; cold, crisp, and unforgiving. I only wish I could protect her from every evil in this world, not that she needs protecting, but I will be damned if I don’t go down trying.


End file.
